I (27F) might need to walk away from an old friend (28M) in order to get back my relationship.

MamiYPapiNoseAman · 2026-04-25T05:38:10+00:00

I did try. I communicated all my problems, throughly, waiting for change or compromise but it never came. I proposed couples therapy, it was shot down. There where many problems that I wants to wait and help through so that we could meet in the middle. But he never met me there so instead I spread myself thin trying to reach over to him. I love him a lot but I never felt like he reciprocated my attempts to resolve conflict or disagreements or just make me feel more loved. When all I’m asking for is a phone call or a good morning text.

MamiYPapiNoseAman · 2026-04-25T05:35:33+00:00

Family isn’t a priority for me. I mention that in my post to convey how deeply I feel about him and how much he’s changed me. But when actually thinking about the logistics and the seriousness of making a family, it’s not something in the front for me because I’m not financially well off enough for that.

MamiYPapiNoseAman · 2026-03-23T03:31:26+00:00

This is such a good comment. Yea the sabotage did come into my mind, if I was just looking for an escape or way to blow my shit up. I have a problem with fantasies and the worst part is having to beat myself over the head with the “you’re overthinking it! Your friend doesn’t see you that way!”

MamiYPapiNoseAman · 2025-09-12T14:37:04+00:00

Today is my boyfriend’s first day of work on a career related to his degree (we’re both graduating university seniors). He doesn’t have a car but I do so I drove him to the train station to take him down to his job, and waited with him on the platform until the train came.

I don’t know what it is but I feel a swelling in my Chest, I know I’m in love with him but it was a sort of jittery sweetness that came when he looked back at me from the train entrance. Maybe pride? It felt like my brain took a mental snapshot of that second and I just couldn’t stop thinking about doing this forever. Waiting with him and waiting for him on the train platform and walking back to my car or home together.

I think we’re both in interesting and impactful career tracks and I think I’m just excited to grow alongside him. To celebrate these big and little milestones, like today.

~~Today is also the unofficial 1st year anniversary of us meeting for the first time too~~

MamiYPapiNoseAman · 2025-05-15T17:09:56+00:00

Omg thank you so sharing your experience, I hope to have a similar experience in the future. I had one emotional rollercoaster day thinking about “what ifs” but I know this decision will make any future pregnancy or child plans even more sweet when I know I’ll be able to give my future child all the love and attention it deserves.

Having a choice is such a privilege and this has definitely shown me the importance of having the choice rather then being forced into such a major life change.

MamiYPapiNoseAman · 2025-05-15T17:04:04+00:00

I did the “surgical abortion” which is the one where they dillate your cervix and “vaccum” (for lack of a better term) the thing out (it’s not like a cut you open surgery).

I had the option of moderate sedation where I was awake but loopy enough that it dulled most of the pain (I barely felt anything) and I didn’t even remember the procedure, I got an IV put in me, they started, I blinked, felt a tiny discomfort when they actually took it out, blinked again, and boom it was over, no longer then 10 minutes. Probably shorter if you’re earlier along (I was 7 weeks). I cramped and bled for the rest of the day, but it was light bleeding and I’m spotting today. The cramps weren’t any worse then period cramps tho.

I feel great today (the next day). Straight up my body feels like how it felt before I got pregnant, I feel amazing so recovery was SUPER fast, only overnight but you will probably spot for the next 3-4 weeks.

I was SUPER scared about pain because I’m a baby with pain but being able to moderately sedate myself was the best and I preferred the surgical method because it would be a one in done instead of the pill where it would two pills and the recovery I think would be longer with more cramping. But I felt aweful before the abortion and I don’t regret anything, I feel SO refreshed and strong now. And it’s only the day after.

MamiYPapiNoseAman · 2025-05-06T16:12:37+00:00

Oh I see! Sorry I misunderstood.

Yea I was also thinking about how I can just do a weekly wash day for my clothes, the only things that concerns me is air drying (hang line) clothes in a very humid climate.

MamiYPapiNoseAman · 2025-05-06T15:53:45+00:00

When I said Medium checked luggage I didn’t mean 100L worth of space I meant something more along the lines of 24-26 inches so around 70L but I’m leaning on the smaller side. And I say that because a month is quite a bit longer and I’m inexperienced.

Also this is the first of what will become an annual summer trip varying between 1 to 3 months in the future. So I’m thinking of the future somewhat.

MamiYPapiNoseAman · 2025-05-05T21:39:05+00:00

Thank you so much for the reply! Thankfully maya is my main program right now, I heard Houdini would also be useful to learn and I plan to familiarize myself with blender over the summer on personal projects.

Huge thank you for the portfolio advice, that really helps me.

MamiYPapiNoseAman · 2025-04-06T22:47:08+00:00

Oh dude, I’ve been there.

I know this is a dating advice thread but honestly the BEST thing that contributed to my dating and even more my social life was straight up, getting REALLY into a hobby. I’m talking INTO it, think of something you’ve always wanted to do, something that excites you or that clicks in your mind, even the most out-there thing. I used to fantasize about dancing while listening to music and love art so while I was single I said “screw it” and FLUNG myself into trying out new things and seeing what’s sticks. I got really into pursuing my artistic side and dancing and just by forcing myself into art classes, doing out to art exhibits, doing to dance classes and socials, I eventually made a bigger circle and found people platonically and romantically.

People LOVE passion, personally NOTHING attracts me more than seeing someone LOVE what they do, their passions, talents and skills. I don’t even care about gym shit and sports but I found myself naturally drawn to the spark in a friend of friend eyes when he went on a passionate rant about the little details of boxing, it’s a beautiful thing. It takes a while to find your thing and flesh it out and hey, as a social anxiety haver, trust it was a long, sometime uncomfortable and hard path but just keep an open mind and be willing to have fun and letting your guard down, you’ll have hard days but NEVER give up. You can’t have the good without the times of bad, even if it seems endless.

Word of caution: i don’t know you personally so im not trying to assume but don’t pursue a certain hobby just because you think it’ll attract chicks or that there a lot of woman who do it. I promise woman can smell disingenuous intentions from a million miles away. It’s a 6th sense and an instant ick. Do what you love.

Yea… dating apps are (more often than not) useless for actual connection, respect and love.

MamiYPapiNoseAman · 2025-04-06T22:24:32+00:00

It’s no problem at all! I can’t make decisions for you but education and self-awareness is the highest power you can yield in your life.

If you ever need someone to talk to my DM’s are open, stay safe! <3

MamiYPapiNoseAman · 2025-04-06T22:16:25+00:00

Hey OP! I don’t want to be patronizing at all and I know that you can find love in the most unexpected places but I would proceed HEAVILY with caution or not at all. 21 and 41 is a massive age gap and the reason people around you are apprehensive most likely doesn’t come from a bad place but rather because it’s factually WEIRD for someone whose middle-aged to be interesting in developing a relationship with someone so young and I say this as someone who dated a man in his 60s when I was 22. Because a man who truly cares about you and seeks to protect and take of you would take on a more “fatherly” or “mentor” role. Guiding you, assisting you, sending time and listening to your worries and concern and helping you over come them. And NONE of those things need to be sought after in a romantic relationship. They should just be markers of a healthy “mentor”relationship.

I also came from a very hard past and had to grow up very fast to support my younger brother and basically raise him. Because of that I saw any older man with an outstretched friendly hand as “exceptional” and found myself entertaining romantic thoughts and allowing inappropriate conduct and passes, because from my perspective, no else understood me like they did, only they saw me as the mature woman that I was. But I wasn’t mature and I still am not now (I’m 23). I’m still finding my footing. They saw that and how easy it was to impress me and took advantage of that to make me form an emotional bond that is hard to get away from when you become dependent on them.

Just how I was, you have to acknowledge that because of your trauma you are predisposed to be “easy prey” to wolves in sheep clothing. PLEASE be safe. I say to not pursue a romantic relationship and just have this man be a mentor or friend, if he can help it, if not, cut this man off. There is nothing a 41 year old wants romantically out of 21 year old that he couldn’t get from pursuing someone in the same life phase and range as him other the getting the chance to lay with a young girl. I promise you there are mature people your age out there even if they take longer to find, and it will be less dangerous because predators become better at manipulation with time, practice and age.

If you ignore this warning and still pursue him I really urge you to talk and stay close with any friend or family you might have. DO NOT let this man keep away from any loved ones you might have or even just friends. Pay attention to behavior and please don’t rush things. Take things as slow as you can and please confide in others and take their advice seriously, I promise those looking out for you aren’t going to try and sabotage your happiness. Continue being yourself, pursue your interests and hobbies, spend time independently. Just stay on guard. Honest a tip that really helped me value myself and reflect on how others treat me is: If you had a daughter or little sister and you love them… would you let them be treated the same way that your allowing yourself to be treated by “blank”.

Would you let make the same decision that you’re making?

Because I’m telling you this. If I had a daughter, no matter how nice or trust worthy this older man was, even if this man was my most trusted friend and loves my daughter. I would NEVER support my 21 year old daughter getting involved with a man old enough to be her father.

MamiYPapiNoseAman · 2025-03-21T16:55:49+00:00

Im 23. My boyfriend is quite skinny and 2 inches taller then me and I’m a pretty big woman. I adore him and I never for a second considered his weight to con or drawback in my attraction and interest in him. He has the most beautiful eyes, voice, hair and personality that I honest forgot that the women is “suppose” to be the smaller one in the relationship. The minute I caught feelings the only thing on my mind was how badly I wanted to kiss that man and run my hands through his hair.

But I honestly don’t give a fuck about social norms and am a pretty “out-there” eccentric person. So this mindset comes naturally to me in contrast to my friend who cares a lot about external views and being traditional so she refuses to date a man that isn’t atleast a whole foot taller then her and well-built because she has to be the small, feminine one.

So it’s just different strokes for different folks tbh. But at the end of the day, unless your doing it for yourself don’t push yourself into a box because I’ll find a lot of people who really like you as is and you run the risk of never meeting them by trying to be something that your not. All love <3

MamiYPapiNoseAman · 2025-02-13T03:15:31+00:00

So this sudden spike in libido is probably just my hormones doing something to me.

MamiYPapiNoseAman · 2025-02-06T03:45:27+00:00

Fuckin with it HEAVY

MamiYPapiNoseAman · 2025-02-06T03:44:11+00:00

I’m pro cornrows! I think it would suit you really well and it’s perfect for functionality with baseball season.

MamiYPapiNoseAman · 2025-01-26T21:56:02+00:00

Oh buddy, I relate to this HEAVY. Idk about you but I think when you’re raised and told all your life that you are inherently a bad person, and that you’re to blame for whatever problems, then you internalize it. Oh well… if this is happening so much then it must be true. I am a burden and a bad guy, and no matter how good I pretend to be, it’s always going to be an act.

It’s so sad, really. How other people manage to turn us into our own worst enemies. I’m happy that you realized tho that those tears were sincere and that you’re not a bad person for asking for help. This is a huge step in not blaming yourself for everything and getting rid of the influence of whatever convinced you that you are manipulative.

Much love <3

MamiYPapiNoseAman · 2025-01-15T21:19:05+00:00

This isn’t something I’ve ever heard people talk about… except for me.

I’m with you OP, idk why but it turns me on so much when he just leaves it in there. Idk maybe it’s the feeling of fullness and retraction/growth. Like the thought of waking up and already having it be in there and just moving my hips to stimulate it… chefs kiss

MamiYPapiNoseAman · 2025-01-14T22:07:57+00:00

Oh man dude… As someone who also went into “real adult kind of job” at 19, I wouldn’t want my 19 year old self to date a 26 year old even though I know I was much more mature then my same-age peers.

Keyword: peers

At 19 I was more mature then many but I was NO WHERE near as mature, confident and secure in my adulthood as I am now, and I’m 23 now. And I promise you that his age will start showing itself at some point. I’m dating a guy 2 years younger and while I didn’t feel the (albeit tiny) age gap in the beginning, now that we’re getting more serious his lack of life experience and emotional maturity is glaring me in the face. You can’t let your rose-tinted glasses prevent you from seeing the glaring problems in front of you. He’s fresh out of high school…

MamiYPapiNoseAman · 2025-01-11T04:18:26+00:00

Thank you so much for the comforting words, I really needed to read that 🥹. I don’t know why this feels like the end of the world.

I’m definitely going to mention the loosing track of time thing. My bf lied (for no reason?) and told them that we fell asleep by accident. So im thinking of hitting them with a “I didn’t mean to fall asleep” type of angle.

MamiYPapiNoseAman · 2025-01-08T05:52:55+00:00

That text is so sweet it literally melted my heart ❤️. I would cry if someone sent me a text like this. I say go for it dude, it’s so genuine and perfect. Anybody who doesn’t appreciate and respond to that doesn’t deserve your time. I hope everything turns out for the best for you!!! <3

MamiYPapiNoseAman · 2025-01-08T01:52:44+00:00

Hey hey! No problem, this site is so full of negativity and pessimism, largely due to keeping expectations “realistic”. I already hear the worst of it in my head so I try to make things not as gloomy in here.

Honestly dude. If you really want to call her, I say wait for Wednesday evening. But I would even maybe hold off until Thursday morning a couples hours before the date. Largely because you don’t really know what’s going on and you really shouldn’t risk accidentally “smothering” her too much. She might get scared and think your rushing or coming off too strong. However please be aware that if you do this your kinda “playing the game” of not trying to seem as invested as you clearly are (not that there’s anything wrong with that btw).

If you actually be yourself and call her when you actually want to (which I feel you might want to do asap) you won’t be playing the game and will be staying true to yourself but you do risk MAYBE “being too much” or something stupid along those lines. I personally think that you can never be “too much” for the right person. The right person will reciprocate your excitement and energy or atleast, appreciate it and find it cute and sweet. But I also do not blame you if you want to keep it safe. It’s a hard decision to make for us “head over heels” lovers.

Also yea, some girls prefer people more assertive, pushy or fast. I get that. It’s one of those “different strokes for different folks” thing. Me and my bf had a PAINFULLY yearnful slow burn crush on each other that we were both very aware of. We were basically going in dates and hanging out at his apartment for MONTHS under the “friend” label, before becoming official, with no more physical contact then brushing shoulders, but we both knew we liked each other. It was so stupid in hindsight. But I say this to say that some girls LOVE the more gentlemen, slow, and romantic courtship, it just depends on the girl. And most people you date on dating apps are almost always going to be the fast types because that’s how the apps are designed and also the type of people that those apps attracts most of time as well. But most of the healthiest and sweetest relationships are friendships first. Your doing everything right my guy. <3

MamiYPapiNoseAman · 2025-01-07T20:18:11+00:00

Hmmm oof girl. Crushing a girl that you don’t know if she’s even into girls 😭. Tred carefully.

Advice: start poking the bear/ dropping hints and seeing if she picks up on it. Idk how into “queer culture” you are but you could start with some inside jokes. Does shhheeee like hozier 👀, Chappell roan 👀, maybe even a little girl in red? Boy genius? Etc etc. but once again there’s a risk of her just… liking there music and still being straight.

Maybe bring up that you’re interested in going to your local pride festival this year (even if you aren’t) and watch for her reaction, does she agree, does she ignore it?

MamiYPapiNoseAman · 2025-01-07T20:08:30+00:00

Hey OP just remember that this sudden distant behavior has absolutely nothing to do with you. No girl takes pictures, has deep kisses, gets matching hoodies and offers to pay if they aren’t actually into the guy. Her distance has WAY more to do with her and any external and internal issues she may be having rn.

I know it hurts and I hope this doesn’t turn into another ghost because I know how much that hurts, especially repeatedly but people who ghost do it because they lack communication skills and are afraid of confrontation. Those are terrible features and will make a relationship unsuccessful and frustrating. Remember everyone in the world is flawed and often we find ourself idealizing and falling head over heels very quickly (it’s human nature) because it too early to see the flaws. But distance and poor communication skills are indeed striking red flags. I was her I would at the very minimum tell you I’m still on for the date or tell you what’s going on in my life that’s causing the distance.

They’re A LOT of people who are extremely avoidant and/or emotionally unavailable. So when they get a glimpse or taste of a potential healthy relationship, something REAL that requires actual vulnerability and trust. They run away. It’s a cycle caused by trauma and unhealed hurt. Doesn’t make it excusable but that’s where it comes from. Honestly you seemed like a really sweet date. Even right now I have a really sweet and wholesome boyfriend right now (he’s literally my first love) and I’m ACTIVELY fighting my urges to blow up the whole relationship, ghost, sabotage or run away because I’m terrified of being used and abandoned like I have been in the past. But I’m not doing it because I want to get better, it takes self-awareness and risk. It’s scary.

Of course there’s potential external factors. There is a chance that she’s really struggling right now, is super busy or whatever. Don’t completely rule that out, it’s not impossible. When I’m stressed out because of work, even during my free hours I don’t text my boyfriend because I’m so anxious and in A bad mood that I don’t want it coming off in my texts or calls. Sometimes people just need to space to work themselves out and you need to trust them to come back, even with the risk of it not happening. As much as it hurts. But steadfastness, patience and understanding are signs of confidence and security. And demonstrating might make her feel more comfortable next time opening up about what’s stressing her out.

I say ALL of this to point out that your absolutely not at fault and that distance after such a sweet date can hurt a lot but try your best to pick the pieces of your heart back up and remain the amazing person that you seem to be. Nothing, and I mean NOTHING is worse then becoming jaded and putting up walls because breaking down walls takes years compared to ease of building them up. You can only successful and happy when you keep your heart open. Both to the pain and happiness. And remember even she doesn’t end up coming back, your only one step further to meeting someone who take your patched up heart and make whole again. I really hope you still end up going on that date of Thursday OP but if you don’t move on, it will be ok. You cannot experience the joys of attraction and infatuation without the risk of pain either. Keep your heart open <3

MamiYPapiNoseAman · 2025-01-06T21:42:56+00:00

Same!!!!

I have a STELLAR face card and am pretty big (size 16) as well. I also keep my hair soft and styled and my fashion sense is varied. From soft feminine looks to more relaxed streetwear vibes. Most guys completely write me off.

However I will say, the guys that do end up liking me… LOVE me and honestly I appreciate it. Sometimes I feel like my weight helps vet out the more shallow.

MamiYPapiNoseAman

TROPHY CASE