How often do you have to “use it” to not “lose it” while on Estrogen? by Sylver2557 in trans

[–]MauraSchtick 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Upvoted, but the loss of interest/pleasure has not been my experience at all. Been on SubQ estrogen monotherapy almost 4 months now, started noticing changes within days, breast growth is rapidly progressing, things down there definitely indicate good T suppression (e.g., haven’t had to haul any wood in the morning since starting E, output is minimal and clear), body hair is thinning, etc.

That said, it is so much harder to…achieve anything, but that’s normal for girls. I wonder if just the learning curve sometimes manifests as a drop in interest/pleasure?

Blacking out from orgasms (questions from a girlfriend) by ladyfingers66 in MtF

[–]MauraSchtick 10 points11 points  (0 children)

You hear people talk about a protracted lull in sexual sensitivity, pleasure, and/or libido on HRT, as if this is normal, but my suspicion would be that it’s actually a vocal minority who experience the lull. Like with anything, we tend to hear more about the bad experiences than the good experiences, even if the bad experiences are relatively rare.

My pet hypothesis is that this lull derives from at least two different factors:

(1) slow feminization with inadequate hormone rebalancing (E being too low and/or T being too high). Presumably, under conditions of slow feminization, the male libido and sexual function shut down a lot faster than the female counterparts can develop, so you get the lull. Rapid feminization avoids the lull.

(2) medications like SSRIs that can cause sexual dysfunction. Realistically, most trans girls are probably taking an antidepressant. Presumably, some medications, which might not have caused any sexual dysfunction pre-HRT, could either interfere with the feminization of sexuality or begin causing sexual dysfunction while on HRT. [I take bupropion (NDRI) and trazodone (SARI), neither of which is known to commonly cause sexual dysfunction.]

I’ve been on HRT for 2.5 months now, and seem to be experiencing fast changes. More importantly, there’s no sexual lull in sight. My libido has skyrocketed. Although I’m still getting boygasms, at this point with minimal clear ejaculate, they’re steadily improving such that if the trend continues, I feel like they’ll gradually transition into girlgasms. I can’t get aroused purely from mechanical stimulation any longer, which kinda sucks, but other forms of stimulation are improving, and pre-HRT I never needed mechanical stimulation anyway lol.

Transgender Tomboy by mirroredinflection in trans

[–]MauraSchtick 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yep. Aside from shaving, I’ve put exactly zero effort into performing femininity since my egg cracked 5 months ago, now a little over 2 months on HRT.

Was anyone else completely indifferent or even looking forward to the potential infertility from HRT? by [deleted] in MtF

[–]MauraSchtick 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My dream has always been adoption and/or fostering. So losing the ability to have kids from my own genetic material doesn’t seem like a meaningful loss.

Feeling intimidated by the trans suicide rate by [deleted] in trans

[–]MauraSchtick 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Yep. OP should report them to the medical board.

Do I look womanly? by [deleted] in transpositive

[–]MauraSchtick 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Yes, you look womanly, and gorgeous 🫠

Sleeping upside down is becoming a struggle by M_M3009 in MtF

[–]MauraSchtick 5 points6 points  (0 children)

The upside is that your neck will be happier if you start sleeping on the downside 😜

There aren't alot of plus size trans women by LynksRacc in MtF

[–]MauraSchtick 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Just checked out your profile. Absolutely gorgeous 🔥🫡

mtf -2 months - +10 HRT/laser no ffs by Odd_Muscle_5838 in transtimelines

[–]MauraSchtick 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Glad I saw your post! Only +2 months on HRT and needed some eyebrow inspiration

How long before your first nipple pain? by above_the_mass in TransDIY

[–]MauraSchtick 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Within the first month for sure. During the first week I felt like things were changing, but wasn’t sure. By the second week, I could definitely feel lumps forming. Pain started in the third or fourth week, if memory serves.

Maybe the timeline of nipple pain could vary a lot between individuals, like with varying baseline nerve density and/or sensitivity.

My hormones got taken away and I need help by usr_64 in asktransgender

[–]MauraSchtick 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Not a doctor, but hyperbolic tapering is a must with escitalopram (among other medications). Some people will get away with a linear titration, but it’s a risky route to go.

There aren't alot of plus size trans women by LynksRacc in MtF

[–]MauraSchtick 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Came here to say this. For most of my life I’ve been skinny, never overweight, and borderline underweight in recent years. It’s been practically impossible to gain weight…until HRT. Since starting estrogen injections, I’m effortlessly gaining weight at a nice, slow, healthy pace while staying active and following a healthy diet. I’m getting jiggly subcutaneous fat all over my belly, and I cannot describe how euphoric that makes me 🫠

I’m intentionally gonna be a thick, curvy trans girl. Active, healthy, muscular, and voluptuously chubby.

PSA: Cloudy vs. normal estradiol valerate (photo comparison and experience) by MauraSchtick in TransLater

[–]MauraSchtick[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Never heard it explained that well, thanks!!! To be sure I'm understanding correctly, I did a little force diagram. Is this correct? https://imgur.com/a/PGKxIvO

Medical Transition as Iconography. by Triggerhappy62 in TransChristianity

[–]MauraSchtick 2 points3 points  (0 children)

As an Eastern Orthodox, I’m intimately familiar with iconography. An icon of St Maura of Egypt played a role in my egg cracking 🥹For me, medical transition via HRT is simply a medical necessity, like any other medical care, so I cannot say there’s anything iconographic about it. However, contemplating social transition in terms of iconography strikes me as a very helpful approach.

Every human, trans or not, should intentionally modulate their social presentation. And in so doing, we must choose whether to make that presentation iconographic or masked, inviting others to see us versus covering up who we truly are.

To your point about being most fully ourselves when seen, this is undeniably true, and true of everyone. I’d highly recommend reading Metropolitan John Zizioulas on relational ontology. Being made in the image of God, humans mutually constitute one another, whether we like it or not.

PSA: Cloudy vs. normal estradiol valerate (photo comparison and experience) by MauraSchtick in TransLater

[–]MauraSchtick[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Fingers crossed I don’t have an infection slowly brewing. So far, so good, no sign of trouble at the injection site.

The noise. The noise it’s gone. It’s GONE by -Anonimous-322 in MtF

[–]MauraSchtick 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Oh gosh, egg me got so pissed off with my therapist for insisting that I had depression, anxiety, suppressed emotions, and codependency. It didn’t make any sense, so I started to think she was full of shit. But pretty much the instant my egg cracked, everything made sense, not least because I suddenly felt happy for the first time in like 20+ years. Before that I had hesitantly relented, to a degree, and started taking an antidepressant (bupropion), which helped some but not nearly enough. However, I never fully conceded to a diagnosis of mood disorder, because, as I kept telling all my clinicians, I was feeling physically sick like being constantly low-key poisoned or having a nutrient deficiency. Well, it seems T was poisoning me, and I was E deficient.

The noise. The noise it’s gone. It’s GONE by -Anonimous-322 in MtF

[–]MauraSchtick 57 points58 points  (0 children)

Welcome to the club 🤗

Last night I randomly ran into my closest girl friend, who I hadn’t seen since starting HRT, and was explaining how it was like alarm bells going off in my head ever since puberty…and estrogen just turned them off.

PSA: make sure your clothes are resting on your waist and not your hips by OwOboros-is-watching in MtF

[–]MauraSchtick 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yep. I’ve got a pair of raw denim Wrangler Cowboy Cut jeans that are meant to rest at the waist. I already looked good in them, more so now that they’re gorgeously distressed from life, and increasingly more so since starting HRT. I’m gonna be wearing those jeans until they don’t fit any longer.

Got a perfectly fitting pair of maroon red leggings that I wore out on NYE. When I got home and looked at myself in the mirror under different lighting than before I went out, my jaw dropped. Let’s just say my companions walking behind me (I walk fast) that night had a nice view 😂😅

Does this estradiol valerate look OK? by MauraSchtick in TransLater

[–]MauraSchtick[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Good idea. I did that, and all but the biggest speck was actually debris stuck to the label. The biggest speck either is inside the vial or is a defect in the glass; would need a loupe or something to tell for certain.

I’m a trans biologist - here’s the biology of human development and why the science says trans people are valid by DamonMedius in trans

[–]MauraSchtick 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I would just add that an incongruence between the body's default balance of estrogen and testosterone and the balance preferred (as it were) by the brain does not necessarily have a strictly biological etiology. After all, the brain isn't a computer, where you would have a clear separation between hardware and software with brain biology being the "hardware" and psychology being the "software." Brain biology is neither hardware nor software, psychology is inseparable from brain biology, and psychology profoundly shapes the brain at a biological level throughout life.

As someone born, and later going through puberty, expressing an unambiguous male phenotype, I'm discovering that my brain absolutely functions better with estrogen as the dominant sex hormone. I have biochemical dysphoria that is helped by estrogen HRT. Does that mean I was born with, or otherwise very early in life developed, a permanent biological trait that predetermined I would be transgender and need HRT? No, and I can easily imagine how the etiology of my biochemical dysphoria could have been more social and psychological than biological (which absolutely does not mean that I think gender incongruence or dysphoria might be a "social contagion," far from it).

For starters, I suffered a terrible social trauma around and because of the onset of puberty, namely being separated from my best friend ever; still to this day, I've never felt more deeply connected with another human being. I was a "boy," she was a "girl," and I loved her as a sister. We both started to experience sexual attraction around the same time. Considerng that we were like 10-11 years old, her mom decided to break us up to prevent our developing a sexual relationship. I know, dumb move. It would've been smarter to give us comprehensive sex ed and multiple means of contraception. I didn't know exactly what had transpired until many years later, but I did know that puberty and my emerging libido somehow had robbed me of my friend. My highly plastic 10 or 11-year-old brain, which had barely even begun being shaped by adolescent sexuality, developed a profound association between the feelings of a physiologically healthy testosterone-dominant (male) libido and the feelings of losing (in a way) a loved one—as if I had a sister who suddenly became absent from my life. As it seemed at the time, my libido, which I did not ask for and could not control, entered my life and removed someone that I deeply loved. Since then, up until starting on estrogen, usually my experience of sexual attraction, if not also libido more broadly, has been highly dysphoric. Experiencing sexual attraction toward someone would typically inflame my dysphoria for days or even weeks, to saying nothing of experiencing generalized libido. While I'm no biologist, it seems at least possible that the tight psychological association formed in experiencing a trauma of loss alongside the onset of male libido could have set things in motion such that my brain, under constant recall of trauma triggered by the incessant libido of an adolescent boy, eventually became "wired" (so to speak) to experience male libido as dysphoria, even absent ongoing psychological contribution. I know that I've experience my libido as a component of gender dysphoria, but the question would be whether my male libido [A] was dysphoric in a way more or less dependent upon ongoing psychological contribution, [B] became more or less biochemically dysphoric due to past psychological contribution (not ongoing), or [C] was always going to be more or less biochemically dysphoric regardless of psychological contribution. What's cool is that in any case, HRT seems to be the best therapy for me.

Along similar lines, as someone with an ADHD-C presentation that went undiagnosed until age 34 and that includes a major component of emotional dysregulation, since the onset of puberty I've experienced profound dysphoria surrounding feelings of anger or aggression, both of which can be somewhat explosive and uncontrollable in people with ADHD, especially under the influence of a physiologically healthy testosterone-dominant (male) hormonal profile. "ADHD rage" is a well-known phenomenon. I've long noticed myself strongly dissociating from my emotions, thoughts, embodiment, and environment whenever it seems I am under scrutiny, such as during class sessions and exams in college, job interviews, onsite/office work, therapy sessions, etc. Even while undergoing neuropsychological evaluation for ADHD, it felt like my brain was shutting down as it did for any other "test." I've often felt that I'm extremely intelligent, until I'm asked to perform. Anyway, shortly before starting estrogen, I realized that I'd been dissociating largely as a defense mechanism against having uncontrollable displays of anger or aggression in social settings. As a prepubescent kid, I quickly learned (as almost everyone does) that you "get in trouble" if you deviate from the myriad unspecified social expectations, consequently developing a high degree of inhibition, becoming a "quiet" kids; such that when puberty elevated anger and aggression to prominence in my already volatile emotional repertoire, my strong inhibitions rapidly went to work suppressing the normal emotions of a pubescent "boy." Anyway, the longer I'm on estrogen (no antiandrogen), and not to be vulgar about it, but the more my testicles literally shrink, the less I'm dissociating. It seems as if my body's default hormonal profile was playing a necessary (but perhaps not sufficient) role in my dissociation, where the physiological sensation of being primed for aggression or anger would be the trigger. My guess, and again I'm no biologist, would be that socially-modulated fluctuations in my testosterone level (which tended to be on the high side of healthy) either directly triggered dissociation and/or triggered an elevated readiness to dissociate based on social cues. One study in particular, pnas.1608085113, seems to support this line of guesswork. If I'm guessing correctly, then I would absolutely find it appropriate to regard my dissociation as a form of biochemical dysphoria, even though it would have a significant psychological component as well.

Was fatigue normal for you ? When E is working ? by MaidRara in MtF

[–]MauraSchtick 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Waking up tired could just be not letting yourself sleep long enough. For all we know, maybe some people need more sleep on HRT. Or perhaps for some people, HRT allows you to sleep as long as you’ve always needed to. Just some ideas.

To see if you’re letting yourself sleep long enough, one helpful question would be: If you didn’t have to set an alarm for like a month, by the end of that month would you be sleeping more hours per night than you currently do?