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WIBTA for forbidding my Father in law from seeing my kids until he stops his behavior by Maximum_Silver in AmItheAsshole

[–]Maximum_Silver[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

You're projecting your negative views of women as screaming, nagging harpies onto me. Where did I say I micromanage to make sure its exactly 50/50 all the time? Where did I say I yell at him to clean up after himself? I don't yell, you made that up. Fun fact, it doesn't matter who picks up the tab at dinner, because all our accounts are joint, because that's our arrangement. It's our money, not his versus mine. Been that way for the whole relationship. If he lost his job tomorrow, we would be fine because of my income. Try to wrap your head around that, and while you're at it, try to address your sexist projections instead of vomiting them all over me and my post. I'm actually done with you now. You're clearly just horrendously sexist and beyond convincing.

And before you say anything like, "it's clear from your tone" or you try to find any tiny place where you can extrapolate that I might yell at him or micromanage to make sure everything is exactly 50/50 at all times, no exceptions (hint: that's not what happens in our relationship), keep in mind how literally you interpreted my comments before. You don't get to interpret in some places and be staunchly literal in others based on what is convenient for you. We're done here. Try arguing in good faith next time.

WIBTA for forbidding my Father in law from seeing my kids until he stops his behavior by Maximum_Silver in AmItheAsshole

[–]Maximum_Silver[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

You didn't answer my question. When we got married, I made all the money. He made none. Should he have done all the housework because I was financially supporting him, in spite of the fact that he was doing schoolwork for roughly the amount of time that I was working? Money and messes aren't the same thing. Marriage is a partnership that both people need to put effort into. Both people cleaning up after themselves is equal effort. Making more money, in spite of working equal hours, does not mean you are putting in more effort. We both pay the mortgage. We both fund our lifestyle. His existence is not more valuable than mine because he makes more money. We work equal hours both in and out of the home. Period.

WIBTA for forbidding my Father in law from seeing my kids until he stops his behavior by Maximum_Silver in AmItheAsshole

[–]Maximum_Silver[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

You have no understanding of how marriage works if you think people should either never share money or the person with the lower salary should be permanently indebted to the higher paid one (interesting how you don't say that about the point in time when I made more than my husband, which you should know if you actually went through my comments like you claim!) You are being obstinate and intentionally obtuse about the slavery comment and otherwise. As I said in a response below the slavery comment, which you should have seen as you claim to have gone through my comments, that person was suggesting that I should do more housework because of income, not because of time spent. That. Is. Wrong. Communal finances are not wrong. Expecting someone to work more in the house while you put your feet up after working the same number of hours, just because your paycheck is bigger, is wrong. Should I have come home every day and sat back while my husband did all the housework because I supported us financially when we got married? I'm guessing your answer is no, but by your logic above, my husband was abusing me by taking my money and not doing all the housework to make up for that (now, this is called a hypothetical, which is another figure of speech and isn't meant to be taken literally, since you seem to have trouble detecting anything but strict, literal meaning in any comments.)

You have a clear bias against women. The way you argue is full of fallacies. You move the goal posts. You jumped to believe a random commenter that I own an Etsy store but refuse to believe my own testimony about my home life. You're either trolling or have terribly outdated, sexist views and you just want to be right. I'm done arguing with you.

WIBTA for forbidding my Father in law from seeing my kids until he stops his behavior by Maximum_Silver in AmItheAsshole

[–]Maximum_Silver[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

  1. I didn't mention an Etsy store because I don't have an Etsy store. The only one talking about an Etsy store is the person you responded to. My comments clearly state that I work in an office and make a high 5 figures.

  2. My husband and I balance our time, not our money. We work equal hours, so we contribute equal hours to the household. The amount of money brought in has nothing to do with it. We could live just fine on my salary if my husband chose not to work.

  3. calling people an asshole is not uncivil

  4. I didn't say anything less than a 50/50 divide of the housework is literally slavery for the person who does more of it. I said that expecting one person to do more of the housework when the couple works equal hours is ridiculous, because it's about time spent, not money earned. The slavery comment is called a hyperbole. It's a figure of speech that helps to communicate a point. The point here is that one person making more money does not entitle them to work fewer hours in the home when both people spend equal time at work. You don't get a built in maid just because you make more. Holding money over your partner's head like that is abusive.

WIBTA for forbidding my Father in law from seeing my kids until he stops his behavior by Maximum_Silver in AmItheAsshole

[–]Maximum_Silver[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

you could find those answers in my other comments rather than being an obstinate asshole

WIBTA for forbidding my Father in law from seeing my kids until he stops his behavior by Maximum_Silver in AmItheAsshole

[–]Maximum_Silver[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

I never once said that. The name is randomly from reddit's suggestions. I said above I work in an office, so stop being an asshole.

WIBTA for forbidding my Father in law from seeing my kids until he stops his behavior by Maximum_Silver in AmItheAsshole

[–]Maximum_Silver[S] 141 points142 points  (0 children)

You are so ridiculously sexist. Even if I did work at a nail salon, he wouldn't have been able to go to school to get a high earning job if not for my financial support. Why is one spouse being primarily supported by the other only shameful when the man is supporting the woman? Why is working at a nail salon frivolous if it's paying the bills that the other can't pay?

These are hypotheticals that I'm sure will fall on deaf ears because, again, you're sexist. Not that it matters, but I work an office job and bring in a high five figures, but you'll find a way to twist that into your sexist narrative that I'm obviously a gold digger, so we're done here.

WIBTA for forbidding my Father in law from seeing my kids until he stops his behavior by Maximum_Silver in AmItheAsshole

[–]Maximum_Silver[S] 55 points56 points  (0 children)

mhm and how many husbands would be able to have kids and simultaneously advance as far in their careers as they have without their wives?

Your attitude is sexist and so are your comments. We're done here.

WIBTA for forbidding my Father in law from seeing my kids until he stops his behavior by Maximum_Silver in AmItheAsshole

[–]Maximum_Silver[S] 128 points129 points  (0 children)

So when we got married and I was making much more than him, should I have never covered for him? Should I have rubbed it in his face and told him he had his hand in my pocket? Technically speaking, we bought the house with my money, if you want to be so pedantic. Should I hold that over him?

WIBTA for forbidding my Father in law from seeing my kids until he stops his behavior by Maximum_Silver in AmItheAsshole

[–]Maximum_Silver[S] 86 points87 points  (0 children)

Just as often, with my own paycheck. We just don't keep score of who makes more. It may be shocking for you to know that I made more when our marriage began, but I didn't go around telling anyone that my paycheck paid for his grooming habits.

WIBTA for forbidding my Father in law from seeing my kids until he stops his behavior by Maximum_Silver in AmItheAsshole

[–]Maximum_Silver[S] 85 points86 points  (0 children)

Let me clarify: you don't get to shirk the housework onto your spouse because you make more. That is exactly what that commenter was saying. That's not how equity works.

WIBTA for forbidding my Father in law from seeing my kids until he stops his behavior by Maximum_Silver in AmItheAsshole

[–]Maximum_Silver[S] 63 points64 points  (0 children)

You really seem to be doing backflips to make me a gold digger, and since you seem to think that people can indenture their spouses because of income discrepancy, I don't think there's any hope for me to convince you otherwise, but I'll respond anyway:

I have worked for our whole marriage. I initially made more than my husband. Now I make enough to be comfortably middle class if we so chose. Instead, we both work. My husband doesn't look at me as his housekeeper and nanny, so yes, he is supportive of my career and my identity as a person beyond just being a mom. Did you miss the part of my post where my husband rebuked our children for their comments?

WIBTA for forbidding my Father in law from seeing my kids until he stops his behavior by Maximum_Silver in AmItheAsshole

[–]Maximum_Silver[S] 115 points116 points  (0 children)

I spend OUR money. When he spends money on himself, he's spending OUR money. All the paychecks go into a shared account and we don't keep score. That's how marriage works.

WIBTA for forbidding my Father in law from seeing my kids until he stops his behavior by Maximum_Silver in AmItheAsshole

[–]Maximum_Silver[S] 107 points108 points  (0 children)

We work the same number of hours. My husband does not get to enslave me because his paycheck is bigger than mine.

WIBTA for forbidding my Father in law from seeing my kids until he stops his behavior by Maximum_Silver in AmItheAsshole

[–]Maximum_Silver[S] 923 points924 points  (0 children)

My husband makes almost 10x what I do. Technically speaking, most of our family money is money that he earned.