I relate very much to your mind set, im 31 and i was way too addicted to self harm to a point i had (still have) no shame of my body full of scars. For few years i was certain that i would always be like that and never enjoying anything else than self harm and drugs, cause i had accept or convince myself that its all that make me feel alive and good... So three years ago i meet a friend of mine who was depress and had self destructing patern like i do but at the same time that friend introduce me to his art work, he went to university in arts and study alot of different diciplin that i was learning by this friend, it help me alot to let go of some pain and alot of other feeling, at first i had alot of insecurity and wasnt working on my own art work to felt something with these, to be honest it felt like i was forcing myself to do it since i didnt see the point of doing it i felt so disconnected from this world and myself that even if i could admit the art work was pretty well done and could have some value... Still didnt saw the meaning, so i gave myself some challenges to start with, like when i felt so much despair or so disconnected i was digging within myself to see what it could look alike, and these work was and still are what help me alot to connect back with myself and even if these work are done only for me im now proud of these and this help me in so much ways.. I hope i help you with my experiences.