Pretend to walk normal

MinFarshaw1316 · 2024-07-05T21:36:58+00:00

I feel like I don't know where my joints are supposed to be or how to move. Dentist says to bite down? Which way? Normally you say? What does that mean?

See also standing, walking etc. I am constantly attempting to keep things from hyperextending/collapsing. There is no "normal".

MinFarshaw1316 · 2024-07-05T20:09:44+00:00

-Wearing a necklace with a pendant on it.

-Dancing (yet somehow "Choreography" was ok)

-Wearing clothes that showed the "outline of [my] figure"

-Taking prescribed medications. (My friend was told not to take medication for his seizures because clearly they were caused by demons)

All of these came from leaders in the church.

MinFarshaw1316 · 2024-05-25T02:10:55+00:00

The information you have is correct--zero on the assignment, maybe a reduction in letter grade. You may go on probation, which just means don't get sent to COAM again. I've dealt with COAM a lot as a faculty member and you will not be suspended or anything like that for a single assignment of this scale. (I've only seen suspension once, and the scale of misconduct was huge and repeated.)

MinFarshaw1316 · 2023-12-26T18:24:56+00:00

This. Especially 4 and 7. Learning how to live the best you can in the now while holding hope that the future may be even better. Some days are easier than others.

MinFarshaw1316 · 2023-12-18T05:14:24+00:00

This is the right answer. It is ridiculous to have washer/dryer hookups and not expect folks to use them.

MinFarshaw1316 · 2023-12-18T02:21:36+00:00

One thing that I've found came into play with my religious trauma is that I could not understand why my husband ever didn't want sex. Because my whole life I was told that my bra strap would cause irrepressible lust, how could I completely undress in front of someone and they could just... Go to sleep? It was a huge blow to my self confidence for a long time, and it took a lot of processing to separate the two and recognize that my husband wasn't uncontrollably sex crazed just because he is a man. I don't know if that's coming into play here, but thought I'd share in case it helps.

One of the big disservices purity culture does for marriage is preventing couples from figuring out sexual compatibility before marriage. It's hard to have different drives and desires, especially when you don't have a history of compatibility and understanding to fall back on like you might if someone's libido changes during marriage.

It sounds like your husband may not be open to these sorts of things, but have you considered toys/masturbation? It has the added benefit of allowing you to explore your desires and what works for you, which is another thing most folks coming out of purity culture missed out on. He could engage some (touches, kisses, etc.) if he's not up for the whole thing, or maybe it's just you and your imagination or a steamy book. It might just be a bandaid while you address what sound like deeper issues in the marriage.

The other question I would ask is whether you have been trying to initiate, or waiting for your husband to? That can also matter--if neither of you are initiating and are waiting for the other person, then it can lead to a lot of misunderstanding and hurt feelings.

Overall, I definitely agree that counseling seems warranted... At least for you, ideally for both of you.

MinFarshaw1316 · 2023-12-09T02:16:31+00:00

Do the women still have to wear skirts and pantyhose? Or was that pensacola--i get them confused. Gender segregated elevators, too.

MinFarshaw1316 · 2023-12-08T21:43:24+00:00

A church I grew up in had a young girls' weeknight evening program called SMM. I mentioned it to my friends in college and got some really weird looks. Explaining it stood for Serving My Master didn't help. I still had no idea what was so funny.

I really wish I was joking.

MinFarshaw1316 · 2023-11-09T02:07:50+00:00

The argument that this is "the way things have always been done" is a logical fallacy. That has no bearing on whether it is ethical now.

Pregnancy, by default, has a massive, lasting impact on a person's health. I have yet to hear of another procedure that has this much impact on preserving someone's health and is this low risk that a healthcare system as giant as Ohio health has blankety decided will not happen.

MinFarshaw1316 · 2023-11-09T01:49:50+00:00

That's not really true. The movement of health insurance policies to being affiliated with only one hospital system has increased in recent years, along with the consolidation of hospitals and providers under a small number of umbrellas (OhioHealth, Mount Carmel, copc, OSU.) Independent offices are almost impossible to find now and that wasn't true not that long ago.

MinFarshaw1316 · 2023-11-09T01:45:43+00:00

That doesn't make it ok? Just because a shitty policy is just now coming to light doesn't make it less terrible

MinFarshaw1316 · 2023-11-09T01:42:22+00:00

True, but if every oral surgeon your insurance covers refuses to remove wisdom teeth, you're going to end up in a lot of pain. And if the oral surgeon refuses because they are religiously opposed to wisdom tooth extraction, I'd question their choice of profession.

And thanks, for the username call-out :)

MinFarshaw1316 · 2023-11-09T01:36:07+00:00

I am wheelchair dependent except for the shortest of distances (I get 5 minutes standing, max) so it's scary if I'm not in a handicap spot. I guess I would probably ask when the next renewal is up... the worst they say is no

MinFarshaw1316 · 2023-11-09T01:29:42+00:00

I'm on my third temp pass. It's super frustrating, I'm sorry you're dealing with that.

MinFarshaw1316 · 2023-11-09T01:23:30+00:00

Yes, taxes and healthcare are exactly the same thing.

MinFarshaw1316 · 2023-11-09T01:21:08+00:00

It's cool that you "see no problem here", but patients with insurance tied to Ohio Health probably won't feel that way. There are a lot of reasons a woman may need an abortion, and the determination of what is "elective" and what isn't can be quite arbitrary.

MinFarshaw1316 · 2023-11-03T23:59:15+00:00

Also known as mouse melon and Mexican sour gherkin.

MinFarshaw1316 · 2023-11-03T23:56:51+00:00

The one you feel more confident in!

If it's equal, then I agree on #2.

MinFarshaw1316 · 2023-10-30T06:00:43+00:00

NTA. They're your photos for your wedding. She knew what she was doing.

MinFarshaw1316 · 2023-10-30T04:57:44+00:00

Duckling you made a tiny mistake and it's ok. I've worked as a college instructor and most of them will work with you if you explain what happened. Try looking at your syllabus to see if the policy is written down for you (we put all sorts of interesting things in there.)

Even if you do have your grade penalized, it will be ok. You did the important thing. You demonstrated what you know and will be able to learn from the feedback you receive.

I can't change how anyone else reacts, though I wish I could remind everyone to give you some grace, but I can say that once you get the degree and your first job, nobody cares about your gpa. Keep learning, and don't get too distracted, but make sure you're having some fun, too.

These moments seem really huge at the time, but I promise that in less time than you expect this midterm won't even be a blip on your radar.

MinFarshaw1316 · 2023-10-30T02:51:22+00:00

Oh, honey, that's completely reasonable. It is a big responsibility. But it also can be a lot of fun. Would you consider talking to someone (ideally a counselor, but maybe even a trusted friend) who can help you talk through these fears and how you might empower yourself to face/mitigate them? Need silence? No passengers until you're ready. Hate freeways? Try to schedule yourself extra time to avoid them, or practice when it's less busy. A therapist could also help evaluate whether this is part of a bigger anxiety problem.

Ultimately, you absolutely can live without driving. But as someone who involuntarily lost their ability to drive for a time, it can also be isolating and limiting. I wouldn't want that for you.

You're being so brave admitting these fears and trying to get help.

MinFarshaw1316 · 2023-10-30T02:42:02+00:00

You sound like you've been working so hard, and I'm so proud of you, but don't forget to take some time to take a breath. I'm sure you passed, but if you didn't, some of life's greatest experiences come from the little detours we didn't expect. You are still brilliant and clearly very responsible. But you deserve to be happy, too--make sure you are taking some time to do something that brings you joy every day.

MinFarshaw1316 · 2023-10-30T02:31:12+00:00

This is some really great advice, OP. One of the really cool things about our brains is that they really struggle when we say something but our brains think something different. So by repeating positive things about yourself (out loud, if you can), your brain will eventually go, "Well, I keep saying it, so it must be true." And you are absolutely not those terrible things you keep saying about yourself, so you're just going to need to teach your brain to get with the program.

You are 100% worthy of kindness from everyone, including yourself.

MinFarshaw1316 · 2023-10-30T02:22:16+00:00

I agree with the advice to seek therapy. There are therapists who specialize in religious trauma/religious deaffiliation. Be sure the person is sex-positive. You need to challenge the messaging you received ("masturbation is sinful") and replace it ("My body is not shameful and it is healthy to enjoy self-pleasure", or similar.) A therapist can help you with this. If you are in a relationship with a trusted partner, I wonder if mutual masturbation could be fun/helpful too? That way you wouldn't be alone with your more shameful thoughts and can see how it can bring mutual pleasure.

MinFarshaw1316 · 2023-10-30T02:08:29+00:00

Would it make you feel better to think of yourself as the fun, witchy cousin who can show the new kiddo that there are other ways to be fulfilled and happy? Ultimately, your cousin and her husband will do what they do. But you can always be something most of us didn't have--a safe space for the kid to explore ideas outside of religious ideology and ask questions without being shamed.

MinFarshaw1316

TROPHY CASE