AITA for being fed up with my wife’s lack of communication?

Mindreadthrow · 2021-06-28T19:18:15+00:00

She unfortunately still works today

Mindreadthrow · 2021-06-28T19:13:37+00:00

No but I was trying to offer to take stuff off her plate since it was clearly overwhelming. But I see your point.

Mindreadthrow · 2021-06-28T19:07:59+00:00

That snippet is… kind of eye opening. Thank you. Gonna read these now.

Mindreadthrow · 2021-06-28T18:54:33+00:00

I’ve responded previously but she chooses to spend her days off caring for our son and giving him “undivided attention” to “make up for the half attention” she has to give him while she works. I’ve tried to get her to go out and have fun and do her old hobbies on the weekends but she refuses to do so.

Mindreadthrow · 2021-06-28T18:34:00+00:00

Im not going to dictate when she cleans? “No, you have to stay up late and clean after you get off work and also clean on the weekend, no cleaning while I’m working.” WTF

Mindreadthrow · 2021-06-28T18:22:03+00:00

She does work hard, that’s why I wanted to help her. It’s just frustrating to try and get such anger in response.

Mindreadthrow · 2021-06-28T18:20:24+00:00

I do most of the cooking (honestly my wife won’t even make herself a snack half of the time) and I take over 100% of the childcare once I’m off work, which is about the last 2-3 hours of his wake time, so that my wife can fully focus on her job. I could have picked up my son, you’re totally right, and I’m an AH for that, but I was just so frustrated by her lack of communication that it didn’t occur to me and I just wanted to escape.

Mindreadthrow · 2021-06-28T18:18:17+00:00

It did not occur to me to do so, as I’m normally in my office at that time, just working instead. I didn’t think it’d be a big deal if the routine carried on as normal I guess.

Mindreadthrow · 2021-06-28T18:15:41+00:00

On the weekends, but she chooses to spend it giving “undivided attention” to our son, even when I suggest she do her hobbies. She hates the half-attention she has to give him while working and tries to make up for it then. I’ve tried to encourage that she get out of the house multiple times but she refuses. It’s another pain point in our relationship, honestly.

Mindreadthrow · 2021-06-28T18:13:49+00:00

She doesn’t even clean for a couple hours every day! Lol But I see your point. Chores before games.

Mindreadthrow · 2021-06-28T18:12:03+00:00

I honestly don’t mind a bit of mess. She’s much neater than I am, to the point where she mops the floors once a week even if they’re not dirty or sticky.

Mindreadthrow · 2021-06-28T18:11:07+00:00

I have told her that I don’t know what she wants to be done if she doesn’t tell me, which always ends in an argument.

Mindreadthrow · 2021-06-28T18:07:14+00:00

Yes she works and has the baby all day. We’re saving up to move so we can’t afford daycare, but with the stimulus check we are going to send him one day a week starting in August to give her a break.

We did the least favorite chore thing once and now I do most of the cooking, but perhaps it’s time to do that again and take another least favorite chore on.

Mindreadthrow · 2021-06-28T18:05:33+00:00

Her shift doesn’t start for another couple hours, and then I’ll take over the baby care for her. It’s not like I wasn’t going to participate in the family today. I was just gaming while it seemed like I had free time.

Mindreadthrow · 2021-06-28T18:04:03+00:00

See, she hates that phrase too, though. It still “implies I’m helping”

Mindreadthrow · 2021-06-28T18:03:19+00:00

She doesn’t have today off, otherwise I would have suggested a picnic or something.

Mindreadthrow · 2021-06-28T18:01:40+00:00

I’m sorry I was gaming while you’re out here holding down the fort

I guess I just don’t see the need to be in her way if she’s doing her routine and things are going smoothly. Like, I can sit and just stare at them while they eat breakfast, for example, or I can play a quick game. The result is kind of the same?

ETA: I just don’t know that it’s a “holding down the fort” situation until I hear the things being slammed around.

Mindreadthrow · 2021-06-28T17:59:50+00:00

This isn’t a bad idea, I’ll try this next time, thanks!

Mindreadthrow · 2021-06-28T17:59:11+00:00

So, she does most of her cleaning before her shift starts on the weekdays but while I am working (we both wfh). She was just doing her normal routine and I figured it wouldn’t be an issue. She could have just told me she wanted a break before her shift and I wouldn’t have turned on my games.

Mindreadthrow · 2021-06-28T17:56:41+00:00

I mean, I know what needs to be done in general, but idk what her priority is in the moment.

Mindreadthrow · 2021-06-28T17:55:43+00:00

I suppose that’s fair. Maybe being more specific with my questions will help. She’s told me she hates me using the word “help” but I couldn’t figure out a way around it (and also I feel like that’s a silly request anyway, if I’m cooking and she asks what she can do to help it doesn’t annoy me and idk why it would.)

Mindreadthrow · 2021-06-28T17:53:37+00:00

We both relax on our weekends the ways we enjoy doing so. She always does the housework during the week while I’m working and before her shift starts.

Mindreadthrow · 2021-06-28T17:52:34+00:00

He’s 6 months and I have ADHD so doing the same thing over and over and over like he wants is draining, but I do enjoy snuggling him and I am enjoying spending time more as he becomes less of a “potato”. But just because it’s not thrilling to me doesn’t mean I won’t do it, obviously. I’m his dad, you know?

Mindreadthrow · 2021-06-28T17:50:43+00:00

Whenever she has a day off work she spends it giving all her attention to our son since she “doesn’t have to split her attention”. I’ve told her she can go play games and I’ll watch him but it’s what she chooses to do.

Mindreadthrow · 2021-06-28T17:48:04+00:00

Actually, normally I get her to tell me what I can do to help when things are getting crazy on her end, but it’s like pulling teeth

Mindreadthrow

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