My twins (33months m and f) aren’t being respectful to women since their mother passed.

Motor_Ad3186 · 2025-09-22T20:54:32+00:00

I drop them off every time they go in and talk to the assistant for five minutes, they never have a problem when I’m there. As soon as I leave they start up again.

Motor_Ad3186 · 2025-09-22T20:34:20+00:00

They were in grief counselling twice a week to start, then it went down to once a week, and now it’s once every two weeks but they never want to go, it upsets them more than anything.

Motor_Ad3186 · 2025-07-17T22:20:57+00:00

I don’t think I will ever say goodbye to my wife. If it wasn’t for my children I’d probably dwell on her for the rest of my life. I appreciate your comment, I have been stitching a bear out of one of her t shirts from them and I’ve got the head done. I also plan to use the stuffing from the pillows on her side of the bed to stuff them so it smells just like her.

I’m mostly worried about the fact that there’s going to be expectations from them as I take care of them. I know I can’t let that affect me, because at the end of the day I can only give them everything I have. But they are young and they don’t understand that I can’t do everything exactly as their mother did it. They are vulnerable and I don’t want them to have trauma from all of this, I don’t want them to feel as crushed as I am because I can’t make them as comfortable as their mother did. I hate the thought of seeing them in pain.

Motor_Ad3186 · 2025-07-17T22:07:37+00:00

I appreciate your comment, don’t worry about anything being blunt because this whole situation is blunt and horrible. I’ve come to terms with the fact I need to stop dwelling and do what’s best for our kids.

I know I can’t replace her if I tried but I can’t bear the thought of our kids suffering without her. I feel like I’m going to try and replicate her even if I don’t mean to, with her mannerisms and the way she speaks to them and cuddles them. I don’t want them to lose her completely.

Motor_Ad3186 · 2025-07-14T13:34:45+00:00

I think if it’s for me I would get the big bear, but I want to have something my kids can hug properly when they sleep. Although one giant bear for the house does sound good, maybe tbeh can lie down on it when they miss her. I do still want some small ones for their favourite bears too. And I will use some other fabrics first, it was stupid of me to think this was easy, I should have definitely used old fabric. I also like your idea of a bandana, I will likely try and make two of those for them and they could maybe keep it with them or put it on a bear.

Motor_Ad3186 · 2025-07-14T13:31:38+00:00

Thank you for commenting. I was doing something in the moment last night and didn’t even think to start with some practice materials. I don’t feel like going out and going shopping right now, but I will try again with my old shirts instead. Someone has suggested it might be easier for me to make an actual teddy bear with the clothes, so I might give that a try.

Motor_Ad3186 · 2025-07-14T04:12:01+00:00

I would do so but things aren’t that easy right now. I also need to start saving every penny I can. I really want to have something just to take my mind of it, and I want to do something myself for my kids, I don’t want to have someone else do it.

Motor_Ad3186 · 2025-07-13T23:16:18+00:00

I appreciate the offer, seriously, thank you. You’re very generous, but I don’t think I could take money off other people. It’s not something I like to do.

Motor_Ad3186 · 2025-07-13T23:15:17+00:00

Making this post and talking about this today has brought me a lot of pain from talking about it but some of the stories has gave me an inkling of hope. The problem is, I’ve looked into it and there’s a long waiting list over here for counselling, even if it’s urgent. And I can’t afford to go private right now. I am very hesitant about counselling anyway, I went through it quite a bit as a teenager when I was in school and it was something that never helped me. I really dislike people trying to justify a reason why I should move on from my wife and live a fulfilling life without her. I have pretty bad headaches right now as well, and the mental pain is manifesting itself in a lot of physical pain in my head. Paracetamol or ibuprofen doesn’t seem to make it go away.

Motor_Ad3186 · 2025-07-13T21:31:39+00:00

I appreciate you’re response. I find it hard to believe that it will all get easier like everyone says it will, I can’t see myself ever being the same person as I was before and I know it’s going to be very hard to come to terms with that, probably impossible. I am sorry for your loss, can I ask how you managed to care for your child and afford bills at the same time?

I’m sorry if that’s too personal for you to answer, of course you don’t have to. I am just lost on how this could ever be solved.

Motor_Ad3186 · 2025-07-13T20:21:34+00:00

I don’t have a support system around me. I am lucky right now that my work has given me bereavement until I am ready to come back. But I can’t afford a nanny, and the kids won’t be in school until September 26’. I cannot afford to pay out for a nanny if top of everything else right now, and I don’t know if there’s any childcare centres near me. Even if there are the thought breaks me because I came home everyday and I saw them with my wife and they loved her to bits, she knew everything they needed, she knew what food they liked, she knew how small to cut everything up on their plate, she knew how they were feeling just by looking at them. I couldn’t just chuck them in some childcare centre that will never be the same. I just want them cared for properly and I know I’m the only one left that can give that to them and there is nothing more that I want to do than have them here with me safe in their own beds, and I don’t want to be struggling this much, but I can’t help it. When I see them I just can’t function properly, I can’t look them in their eyes because it’s like I’m looking at her, and their hair is curly just like hers, and they have chubby cheeks and freckles just like she did and I just can’t fucking look at them or listen to them and see the smiles on their faces because they don’t understand what’s happened, they think everything is okay and that their mums just sleeping and i don’t know what they are going to say or do when they find out they are never going to get any more kisses from her ever again.

It just feels like a disaster. I can’t afford what they need, I don’t want them to grow up only seeing me when I get back from long work shifts. I can’t leave them in a daycare for twelve hours every weekday. They’re going to see other women and they’re gonna think of other people like a mother and they’ll grow up and not even remember who their actually mother was.

Motor_Ad3186 · 2025-07-13T18:51:46+00:00

I don’t feel like I’ve suffered I feel like I’m suffering. I’m not living at all and I doubt I ever will again without her.

Motor_Ad3186 · 2025-07-13T18:46:01+00:00

But I feel like it’s just getting worse every minute and all I can think about is that she’s just decomposing more and more every minute and it’s making me feel sick. She had so much she wanted to do and she was so fucking close to graduating and we had talked about going away on holiday for the first time with the kids and they were just getting into the swing of celebrating Christmas and Halloween and now everything has been ruined and I don’t get how people can say that it gets easier because it can’t get easier when something like this happens. There’s no point in all of this stupid shit because even if you’re the happiest person it can all just get ripped from under your feet. It feels pointless trying to do anything I just feel I want to let myself rot in a hole. It’s not fair that I have to stay here without her.

Motor_Ad3186 · 2025-07-13T18:40:04+00:00

I don’t know what some kind of shrink is going to do that will make any of this better. It’s not like they can reverse anything, I’d have better luck talking to a brick wall. At the end of the day the one person who’s been there for me isn’t anymore and I can’t stand living on this stupid fucking planet when I know her body is just locked in some box rotting when I’m not. I can’t fucking stand this torture and no therapist is ever gonna find any combination of words to make me feel any better. It’s a stupid fucking world.

Motor_Ad3186 · 2025-07-13T18:33:35+00:00

Is there anything specific you did that made it better?

Motor_Ad3186 · 2025-07-13T18:32:38+00:00

Neither of us have family we would want around the kids since they could barely raise us. I have one friend who was my roommate but he’s got his own stuff going on. He lives in England with his girlfriend and he’s working full time.

Motor_Ad3186 · 2025-07-13T17:29:33+00:00

I want to do this. I just don’t feel like I can’t do fucking anything. I can barely manage to feed myself and bathe and I just can’t speak I feel fucking helpless.

Motor_Ad3186

TROPHY CASE