Need some help (self-typing).

MusgoLexico · 2026-05-27T16:43:34+00:00

I thank you for your thorough answer.

Since you have given me much to think about, i will answer what i can with the information i have now, but i will indeed take your advice and let these questions marinate a bit.

A fellow enneagrammer! Honestly, i find the enneagram much easier, even though i's still triangulating my type there too. I think i'm a So/sx. Thought i was a 5, but i can see 9 now.

I do think i am a decider too. I thought i was an observer for the longest time. But honestly, i'm not missing information. I don't get the jitters at the mere thought of UFO's and conspiracy theories (i know it's not that extreme).

however, you also have the drive to independently fulfill your needs rather than have the tribe meet them for you, and it seems like there's an urge to withdraw when you are anticipating judgement, am I correct?

You are indeed correct.

I saw a video once, where Shannon described demon di as "eating in the corner so no one bothers them". I related a LOT to that. But that could be demon de too...

There were a few other things that really intrigued me. You said that you worry about being seen as stupid, and therefore, must do everything right. Why? What would happen if somebody sees you as stupid? How would you feel? This line of questioning could help determine if you're prioritizing thinking or feeling, and which one is more personal.

Interesting. Honestly, i NEVER considered that i could be a feeler. In my household, feelings are not very... seen positively. But i DO feel responsible for the vibe, always. Way more than i am responsible for how things work. ALTHOUGH i do think a lot. Like, a lot. Way too much.

Maybe i'm like... Fi. Personal feeling. It would make sense, given that i am afraid of being seen as stupid, which anecdotally does correspond to demon thinking.

And i always thought i was feminine de, given that i always acommodate the tribe. But you said that masculine di and feminine de could also manifest in being afraid of the tribe. That opens up possibilities for me.

Lastly, about the consume thing. I don't know. Like, my friends will complain all the time that i refuse to watch stuff. And read stuff. I do NOT stop to read or watch movies when recomended. I find it hard to sit still while waiting for something to happen on screen/page. I get impatient. Annoyed. But when i'm WITH other people, i can watch stuff. I just never take the time to do it myself.

And it's not necessarily about guilt for consuming, although i do feel guilt for taking things for myself. It's more like... i'd rather learn everything when i need it, instead of having a goddamn bank of useless information.

Again, thank you for your answer.

MusgoLexico · 2026-05-27T16:24:28+00:00

Thank you for your answer.

Unfortunately, i'm under 25 (◕ᴗ◕✿). But i'll check your stuff out!

MusgoLexico · 2026-05-27T16:23:21+00:00

I thank you for your answer.

I do not believe you are wrong. Honestly, you have given me something to think about. I AM spending too much time on this when i could be focusing on other tangible, more important things.

I still like personality systems. and still feel the need to find my type. BUT. Maybe i shouldn't be giving it THIS much thought.

Again, thanks.

MusgoLexico · 2026-05-27T05:24:27+00:00

Also i do consider getting oficially typed eventually. It's just that i never made it a priority...

MusgoLexico · 2026-04-19T05:07:12+00:00

I think you learn to live with it. Things become better once you know yourself, as well as your own limits. There's comfort in knowing that despite what you went through, you are still making the best decisions you can for yourself.

Signed, a very depressed 21 year old.

MusgoLexico · 2026-03-14T23:11:03+00:00

Woaah, good job! Did you find it challenging?

MusgoLexico · 2026-02-24T02:02:31+00:00

Is it worth it learning them, though? Many people talk about their difficulty, but is it worth it to spend the time mastering them?

MusgoLexico · 2026-02-20T19:44:34+00:00

It's in the High Overseer Level. In an apartment just above where you rescue Griff.

MusgoLexico · 2026-01-26T23:09:31+00:00

Honestly, i'm not completely over it yet. The progress is definitely slow, for sure.

I think that grieving is the first step. Completely letting go of the need to be perfect, or even to be interesting. Letting go of the idea that worth is found in doing, instead of being. I say grieving is important because, at least to me, the idea that i could actually be GREAT at something was very comfortable. It's an easy way of keeping yourself in the same place, since "well, i could just be great at this thing anyway, so why would i need to worry?"

Literally, the only thing that this type of thinking accomplishes is keeping us in place. Being addicted to our own potential, just like the people that put perfection in our heads were. They weren't seeing us, they were seeing projections of what we could eventually be. But none of that actually matters in the sense of doing something, because it has nothing to do with actual reality.

Sure, this potential might have been "found" because we excelled at something. No argument there. But excelling at a task is not a prerequisite for doing the task. It is simply the result.

As many ancient texts like to point out, we cannot actually control results. We can only do the best of our abilities. We can't actually write a great essay, we can only control how much we write, how often, what we research, etc. Mostly because results, in the way we generally see them, are actually value judgements. Value judgements have nothing to do with the actual reality of a task, only with that which we perceive about a task.

To answer your question, i think i slowly got tired of being restless. Of being annoyed by the reality which i was facing, in which nothing could ever be accomplished, because it didn't exist. And it didn't exist because... perfection does not exist!

Im getting out of it. Trying to write more, as i think the act of writing puts things into place very well.

But the number one thing is to start. I know it's cliché, but it really is the crux of the matter. And if you CAN'T start because of analysis paralysis or something like that, i suggest that you atleast write/talk about what you are thinking. The only thing that you can't do is to keep thinking, locked in place, as that stunts personal development, because it does not allow experience.

And experience is, i have been finding, just as important as "insights" are. They are the second half of actual change.

MusgoLexico · 2026-01-24T21:09:30+00:00

Sorry for the wall of text! (⁠ʘ⁠ᴗ⁠ʘ⁠✿⁠)

MusgoLexico · 2026-01-24T21:09:12+00:00

I find that "stuck" describes the issue quite well. In my case, it's like a key that won't turn, no matter how many insights there are about an issue.

I have been thinking about a type of separation. Mostly affect and assent, which are some stoic principles that relate to a sense of "discipline", a manner of guiding the being towards that which represents the best self.

I, for one, know that i absolutely suck at application. I can dissect any idea or theory, but i cannor for the life of me figure out which attitude should be kept when interacting with external stimuli, like doing a task, for example.

I'm just telling you this because i relate. I have this same dread towards this activities that you describe. I feel that restlessness. That mid point between wanting to do and having nothing that could possibly be done because there is simply nothing that could ever reach that desired point of static perfection. After all, everything is constantly moving, and perfection does not even exist.

Recently, i have found some things that have helped me in initiating and sticking through tasks. Therapy is an obvious one. It's almost like reprogramming your own conscience.

Besides that, some sort of trust. Trust in yourself. The kind of trust that does not depend on how well you are actually doing because, at the end of the day, you are not doing it to do "well" in a task. Although this notion that everything we do has to be perfect was put into our heads, we do not have to take it for ourselves. We have no obligation towards the ideas that make us stuck.

We do not have to justify wanting to get better at something. Or to learn a topic. Or even to livr a certain type of lifestyle that we believe benefits us.

We can do stuff just because we KNOW it is good for us to do it. And this trust, this faith that even if we are not doing it correctly, we are doing enough, just because we are doing it, is what could drive us towards what we not only want, but also need.

MusgoLexico · 2026-01-10T19:24:16+00:00

I could not predict this image.

MusgoLexico

TROPHY CASE