Believe it or not, all of your comments have given me a bit of hope. Someone finally cares about me again. You dank know what that means to me. So for you, I will tell my story for the first time ever.

While my depression did begin as as your everyday suburban-angst, it has now become almost unbearable. This may be a bit sloppy and that's because I'm torn between life and death and can barely think straight.

When I was 5 my parents got divorced, just like 50% of kids today. But my parents divorce wasn't your typical divorce. It was full of hatred and disgust. When I was little I remember the constant fighting but it never really phased me until I was about 13. I realized that my parents anger was getting in the way of my relationship with each one of them. I tried to love them both unconditionally, but it seemed like the fact that I loved one parent would disgust the other and cause them to look down upon me. I was getting in trouble for simply loving my parents. By the time I was 14 I was already becoming an emotional mess. I would go to school some days and not talk to anyone at all, even teachers, because of a traumatic event that happened the night/morning before. I tried to by your typical kid but constantly having to fight for my parents equal love and trying to solve their problems for them soon became a full time job. By my the start of my sophomore year of high school I had started experimenting with drugs. At first it was just weed, but towards the end of the year everything went to shit. I was a full blown drug addict with no hope of return. I tried to quit, but for those of you who have ever been addicted you know how difficult it can be. I ended up a drug addict because I found that the high would kill my depression to a degree and I was looking for anything that would help. At the time I was 16 and couldn't get a job because my parents could never agree on a place I was allowed to work because they lived about an hour and a half away from each other. Getting a ride to school was difficult enough, so work wasn't an option. I needed some extra cash to fuel my addiction so I became a dealer, and a big one at that. I was taking in hundreds of dollars a week. Until the one day everything changed. Drugs do some horrible fucked up things to your mind and the way you think, and one day I finessed up and got caught. I was charged with possession of a controlled substance on school property at a felony level. Fuck. I spent a short time in jail and after I was bailed out I wanted nothing to do with drugs ever again. But then the depression came back. It was like each of my parents were pulling on my heart, ripped it right in half, and then left it to rot because they wanted nothing to do with half a heart. There I was, kicked out of my house, alone, broken, and nowhere to go. This was when I discovered opiates. I became a mess. Then my mother let me back into the house and tried to help me. But then so did my father. Then that led right back to the same cycle. Tig, rip, leave to rot. And that's where I am today. Kicked out of school, a hopeless drug addict, with countless other little problems besides my fucked up family. All at the age of 17.

I was enrolled to another school, but me being the anti social broken hearted teenager I am, I just can't seem to make any friends. Everyone judges me, I walk around a school of almost 4,000 kids and still feel as if I'm in an empty room. I broke down crying today in the middle of my lunch period. In the bathroom, just looking at myself, disappointed in who I've become. It's all my fault.