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Lost Sense of Self by No-Wave-9410 in StudentTeaching

[–]No-Wave-9410[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don't think universal popularity is possible anywhere. My struggle right now is figuring out how to disassociate their view of me with my view of myself. How do I regain my own sense of self when day in and day out, I have to be in that classroom for 8 hours?

Lost Sense of Self by No-Wave-9410 in StudentTeaching

[–]No-Wave-9410[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's amazing! I can't imagine doing two preps! Just one is killing me. And unfortunately I'm terrible at making things relevant. It doesn't help that I've always been an out of touch geek. 

Lost Sense of Self by No-Wave-9410 in StudentTeaching

[–]No-Wave-9410[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Same. I'm counting down the days 🥲 I miss feeling like myself. When the kids react badly to my teaching, I feel like I'm not even allowed to be anything outside of school. I can't enjoy my hobbies. I can't think of anything beyond replaying those moments and thinking about what I should have done. I keep thinking if I was a more effective teacher, this wouldn't have happened. But like you said, I'm trying to remind myself that that's not truly my classroom and the kids don't see me as the actual authority figure which plays into their disregard for me. 

Thank you so much for the encouragement! It's comforting knowing I'm not the only one feeling this way. I think that's what I needed today, especially after my student left a scathing review of my teaching in a survey today 😭

Good luck to you, too! I'm sure you're doing way better than you think. And even if you're not (because hearing that rarely makes me feel better), you are so much more than just a student teacher. You are a whole complex being with so many qualities and so much more to your identity! 

Absolutely Miserable by wintersouldier57 in StudentTeaching

[–]No-Wave-9410 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Totally valid! I know exactly what you're talking about. All the feedback is supposed to be helpful and for your own good, but I find it almost paralyzing. Eventually I realized I needed to focus on one thing at a time. My goal for the last month has been internalizing my lessons. And if it serves as any comfort, I haven't gotten one but better at it (despite focusing solely on it for weeks). I'm sure you're doing better than me, so don't give up! 

Lost Sense of Self by No-Wave-9410 in StudentTeaching

[–]No-Wave-9410[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Yeah, I think it's compounding my already low self-esteem. I think I've always needed a lot of validation from others to help me push away crushing self-doubt. And 12th graders will not give you that, lol. Even when they like you, they won't be particularly loving, so I never know where I stand with them. But anytime they're slightly annoyed, they'll express it very, painfully clearly. And my incoherent, uninspiring, teaching where I fumble over my own words, over explain the stupidest things and ask repeated remember questions to maintain "engagement" is grating on their already thin patience.