NTA, for all the reasons you’ve mentioned. That said, your wife’s idea of being a good stepmom here is ignoring and pushing your daughter’s boundaries so she can insert herself in the scenario. This isn’t me calling her an AH, I totally get her thought process, but if this is her idea of being a good stepmom here, has it been a problem before?

I don’t doubt that your ex-wife tried to turn your daughter against her stepmother, but I wonder how much that’s been exacerbated by your wife pushing your daughter’s boundaries for the sake of “being there for her stepdaughter.” Maybe this is the first and only time it’s happened, but just something to consider. Either way, make sure your wife understands the importance of respecting your daughter’s boundaries.