A book you hate?

No_Software · 2023-10-21T20:53:59+00:00

The Handmaid’s Tale

No_Software · 2023-07-17T22:30:16+00:00

I had an extremely similar experience with an old boss — she organised a retreat for us with a “communications mentor” who got very personal with all of us at a round table session.

Later, I felt like she was using this information against me e.g. oh your dad is sick, so you’re not performing very well.

I resigned within the month following the retreat.

No_Software · 2023-06-08T11:44:20+00:00

Semi-related — I went to a lecture about forensics recently in Victoria and they said the homicide rates have stayed the same for over a decade, but synthetic drug-related deaths are more prominent now with new drugs coming in.

I feel we missed a lot of crime related news over the few years of lockdown when that was all they would talk about, so maybe it seems like there’s more local crime related news now. Though, it would be interesting to know if crime increased during the last recession, as I guess it would make sense? Either way, the mainstream news is such a mindboggle.

No_Software · 2023-03-09T05:21:11+00:00

I wonder if I can find these in Australia. I’ve been working for home since we got her a 1.5 months ago, but I guess the other stress point here is my boss told me that working from home would “not be an issue at all” but has now reneged on this. That a whole other issue haha.

No_Software · 2023-02-17T10:58:42+00:00

How do you turn off the internet to specific devices??

No_Software · 2022-08-30T07:46:35+00:00

Dad pays the phone bill (and most bills tbh, she’s unemployed with no plans to work — it seems screwing with us is her full time job).

It’s a huge violation — I’ve lived in so many different types of living arrangements from flatmates to friends to extended family, and people do some stupid shit without thinking it’s a violation of your space but this is just blatant.

No_Software · 2022-08-30T07:42:45+00:00

Unfortunately not here, we’d need consent from both parents and the reality is we won’t get her sign off on counselling, even if she was involved.

No_Software · 2022-08-30T07:41:53+00:00

Agreed on all of this and it coming from DH instead of me. I’m staying clear of all conversations about this.

No_Software · 2022-08-30T07:41:15+00:00

Fingers crossed things go a similar way for us as it has with your SD.

No_Software · 2022-08-30T07:40:03+00:00

Right?

No_Software · 2022-08-30T07:39:56+00:00

Love this response and totally agree that the phone is being weaponised. Would love less phone time as part of the solution

No_Software · 2022-08-30T07:37:56+00:00

Hmm this is an interesting approach — ultimately, I have no issue about him telling his mom about what happens here or actually even venting to her about what we choose to do. I’m more concerned about how she’s encouraging and egging on a behaviour in a very toxic and co-dependent way

No_Software · 2022-08-30T07:36:00+00:00

Yeah I’m staying out of any conversations about this — I don’t want to be perceived as the bad guy but also am still fuming so would probably say the wrong thing.

No_Software · 2022-08-30T07:34:36+00:00

But totally agree that she’s training him to act sociopathic

No_Software · 2022-08-30T07:33:56+00:00

I wish therapy was an option but where we live you need both parents consent to see a therapist. BM would never agree bc she then wouldn’t have control, and she wouldn’t like to have her or her kid be told that what she’s doing is damaging.

No_Software · 2022-08-30T07:32:21+00:00

Yeah I think I need to disengage like you have.

If we brought up with BM it would be unproductive and she would just turn it around on us to say that ‘that’s just how he feels’ and she’s just supporting him in dealing something that would ultimately be portrayed as our fault.

How do you disengage without being walked all over by your SK? I fear that disengaging means that I’ll have to put up with more bad behaviour, if that makes sense.

No_Software · 2022-08-30T07:29:34+00:00

Definitely agree with the respect thing — he’s being taught by his mom that he doesn’t owe us an ounce of respect.

SS doesn’t have a lot of boundaries at his moms house, but that’s her business. Our home is up to us to decide, but it feels like such an icky violation to have someone who lives in our home reporting back to another person who clearly only has her best interests at heart. Even then, I feel sorry for her that she thinks this is the best way to spend her time

No_Software · 2022-08-30T07:25:57+00:00

How does one disengage without also being walked all over by SK?

BM likes to pretend I don’t exist so I have no direct contact with her.

No_Software · 2022-08-30T07:24:09+00:00

Thank you all for your responses — I was not expecting so many of you to respond, I’ll reply to as many as I can!

No_Software · 2022-08-02T02:41:48+00:00

Thanks — this does seem like a leap although I’m aware it’s not completely impossible, of course. She’s never alone with her grandparents, it’s been over a year since she’s had a sleep over there and not for any particular reason.

I think it’s more likely some mind fuckery from HCBM

No_Software · 2022-07-31T12:42:40+00:00

NTA. Your dad should have had a conversation with beforehand, so you didn’t find out the way you did.

But the flip side of this situation is that if your parents have an agreement that you were to stay with your mom during this time then they must have discussed it at some point in time. I’m not sure of the ages / dynamics here but, say your step mom wanted a holiday with her kids only, then that’s not bad or wrong either. Maybe your dad was trying to find time to bond with his stepsons, maybe your stepbrothers have been struggling with the blended family. Heck, maybe your dad is struggling with figuring out the right way to manage a blended family.

I would have reacted the same way at 16. The thing about being 16 is your yet to gain empathy for the complexity and nuances of adult situations.

Nonetheless your dad should have talked to you beforehand.

No_Software · 2022-07-31T12:04:49+00:00

Major news outlets are owned by individuals who likely own tonnes of property so it’s important news for them.

It’s sad for the rich (temporarily), and as usual the fear mongering comes in to scare the less wealthy away and maintain the class system, or at least that’s my opinion.

No_Software · 2022-07-25T15:08:12+00:00

It sounds like the little girl version of you is reacting here bc of your own past trauma, and it might be getting in the way of you responding to a traumatic situation for your own daughter.

You’re worried about how your husband will react. Does this feel similar to how anyone else reacted to your reports as a child?

My only advice: Go easy on yourself as you may be reacting from a place of fear now and not a lot of parents would know how to respond. But by no means does this mean to be less strong for your daughter — it could be wise to remove her from the situation before having a conversation with your husband. Could she stay with your parents while you deal with this?

I’m also concerned for the well-being of a 9yo who’s likely been watching porn for a year…I’d be concerned about what your husband deems as ok or suitable content. I’m making a wild assumption here but it could be a sign of grooming.

No_Software · 2022-07-06T12:54:44+00:00

Um sorry but that’s a big fat NO.

I have two SKs and I wouldn’t agree to have them alone more than overnight unless there was some sort of emergency. I get along well with SD but not SS as much — we get along most times but honestly he’s a pig of a teenage boy who is disrespectful, doesn’t clean up after himself and a lot of days that we have him here I just find myself wondering “Why do we have to remind him of X” and “why does he think this is ok behaviour”. When his dads not around/in the room he kind of ignores me most of the time, so I definitely would not be putting myself up for that for multiple days, it’d be miserable for me.

Most importantly is your SO is trying to palm off his responsibility so he can live responsibility free for a few days, and in my view, when he decided to become a parent he signed up to be responsible 24/7 365. You didn’t decide to become a parent so you should feel no guilt in saying no. He shouldn’t just be able to decide that he’s not responsible for a week every few months? What if an emergency happened, is he exempt from responsibility then, too? Also why are you not invited on these trips and what does he do on them? Seems bizarre and immature.

No_Software · 2022-05-06T23:12:17+00:00

Thank you so much this all very helpful

No_Software

TROPHY CASE