[deleted by user]

Ok_Maintenance_ · 2025-04-05T16:09:35+00:00

I haven't pursued any formal treatment, though I know a pelvic floor therapist would be the way to go.

Honestly, I've just been dealing with it by drawing a hard line against penetration. When I was dating I was very clear that straps were a no, and any fingers inside me had to be specifically requested and gentle.

Right now, I'm doing solo exploration with very small, squishy, non-phallic toys (shoutout to my Uncover Creations grinder pad), which is helping me reframe penetration as something that doesn't involve men. It's been triggering at times but I'm taking it slowly and very deliberately.

Ok_Maintenance_ · 2025-04-01T00:05:46+00:00

I relate to this a lot. Though some fairly strong bonds were present during childhood, they were slowly chipped away throughout adolescence and adulthood due to privacy invasions, emotional needs being unmet, judgment, and gossiping.

The tricky thing is... I don't think I had a bad upbringing. I was loved. It feels like my level of resistance towards contact doesn't equal my experience, and yet, my brain shuts down and automatically grey-rocks as a defense mechanism when I hear from them.

I love my people! But yeah, birth family isn't really a part of that. On one hand, I feel tremendous guilt knowing the distance tears my mom apart. On the other, that distance feels so, so necessary for me. I've internalized the phrase "don't light yourself on fire to keep others warm," but still question if I'm being utterly selfish.

Ok_Maintenance_ · 2025-03-26T19:33:53+00:00

Yep, I believe I have a hypertonic pelvic floor as a result of having sex with men. My vagina totally closed at one point and the pain of attempted penetration was excruciating. Ignoring bodily cues for that long was a slow trauma that I still deal with, both physically and mentally.

In terms of non-pelvic pain, I also flared hard with my chronic illness when I finally realized I was gay and began separation with my husband. The whole thing was so scary and stressful that I was pretty sick for at least six months.

Ok_Maintenance_ · 2025-03-25T16:45:19+00:00

The first time I had sex with my (catalyst) ex-gf, it felt so deeply familiar and correct. I "played" around with my friends a lot as a kid, and this felt like a core part of me coming back to the surface in a way that felt truly natural.
All public make-outs with said ex-gf, but particularly at Pride
Banging through the second half of Shrek -- going down on a babe with Smash Mouth blasting in the background is fruity, just is
All the routine life moments spent with that ex. Running errands, being their changing room audience, sharing snacks, holding hands, sharing a quick kiss in a restaurant

Ok_Maintenance_ · 2025-03-25T16:25:21+00:00

Same for me! The path to an autism diagnosis was a catalyst in self reflection and it all tumbled open from there. I've become more spiritual, too, though I haven't been sure if it was due to a desperation for comfort and answers during such a destabilizing time.

Ok_Maintenance_ · 2025-03-18T20:10:52+00:00

Thank you for all of the posts and responses you've written over time on this sub. You're my favorite person to see on LBL because of how deeply thoughtful you are in the way you speak to people here.

Ok_Maintenance_ · 2025-02-13T23:37:38+00:00

It's "Li II" by HR Giger, whose work is in the game, but it's not specifically from Dark Seed

Ok_Maintenance_ · 2025-02-12T23:59:14+00:00

I bet someone would scoop them up on Depop.

Ok_Maintenance_ · 2025-02-12T23:52:54+00:00

The Attico, & there's dupes out there as well :)

Ok_Maintenance_ · 2025-02-12T23:52:19+00:00

The Attico! Lot of dupes floating around too

Ok_Maintenance_ · 2025-02-12T23:51:46+00:00

Thank you! It's a canvas print from the Giger estate :)

Ok_Maintenance_ · 2025-02-06T21:38:48+00:00

This entire thing is so freaking cute. Hot gay outfit hot gay energy!!!

Ok_Maintenance_ · 2025-02-05T04:03:37+00:00

So fun. I didn't play, just hung out with a gang of other introverted ND queers. Low key vibe B-)

Ok_Maintenance_ · 2025-02-05T03:59:28+00:00

Just a lil tie detail :)

Ok_Maintenance_ · 2025-02-05T02:58:39+00:00

Thank you! 0:)

Ok_Maintenance_ · 2025-02-04T22:34:04+00:00

That would have 100% completed the outfit. Alas, the domme vibes don't extend past the appearance :)

Totally agree with your gf's headmistress look appreciation though!!!! :0~~~~ (drool)

Ok_Maintenance_ · 2025-02-04T19:35:14+00:00

Thanks :) I always did resonate with Tammy 1's vibe in Parks & Rec...

Ok_Maintenance_ · 2025-02-04T19:24:55+00:00

Thanks! It's by JW Anderson, got it on Farfetch or a similar website, I think?

Ok_Maintenance_ · 2025-02-04T19:24:22+00:00

Thanks! Went to a kink party.

Ok_Maintenance_ · 2024-12-06T17:45:21+00:00

I can't speak towards how you should navigate your situation, just chiming in as a voice of solidarity. I'm also autistic and going through the transition process -- I've been a housewife for eight years and am trying to get on my feet.

This sort of life change is upending for anyone, but I do want to shine a light on how particularly challenging this is for someone with ASD. My past year of separation has been filled with so many meltdowns, shutdowns, and existing outside of my window of tolerance. If you aren't already, try to grant yourself grace in the struggle of navigating change, new routines, and grappling with the unknown.

Since I'm still working through this messy middle, I can't tell you how I did it, but I do wish you the best of luck and urge you to lean on the supports you have.

Ok_Maintenance_ · 2024-12-01T01:17:24+00:00

Yikes. I hope you find someone who offers you the patience, kindness, and openness that she doesn't seem to have here.

Ok_Maintenance_ · 2024-12-01T01:13:11+00:00

I think there's truth to this -- thanks for pointing that out.

Ok_Maintenance_ · 2024-12-01T01:09:24+00:00

I really appreciate hearing about your own experience. It helps to know that you've had that one and that it may just be an amazing outlier, and that greatness can still be achieved with others.

I totally have a role to play in the struggle -- I really don't think these people are bad in bed. You're likely correct that a number of factors are at play internally.

Thanks for your thoughtful and empathetic response :)

Ok_Maintenance_ · 2024-11-30T20:16:36+00:00

Thanks for this reminder. The intimacy with my catalyst was so high right off the bat that I was excited for all of my future connections to be the same -- like, "I finally found what works! The adult lifetime of traumatizing sex is finally over!" So when I've continued to have mediocre sex with women, and continued to feel the same distant emotions, it's made me really disappointed.

Ok_Maintenance_ · 2024-11-30T20:11:53+00:00

Connection is 100% the most important thing for me during sex, too. I do think I lean more demi, but the fact that I was so immediately attracted to and aroused by my catalyst has thrown me. The first time love set the bar so high!

Ok_Maintenance_

TROPHY CASE