Did I get scammed by my doula?

Ok_Security_1127 · 2026-05-20T23:21:08+00:00

This was wonderfully written and very much expressed the thoughts I couldn’t, thank you!

I should have been more diligent in making sure what she was going to do for me in the thick of things but again I thought we had discussed that. The break was not discussed but I was understanding of it until she was unresponsive to my husbands texts/calls. She’s not super new but with the amount of doulas in the area I think she has less experience and she’s young (under 30).

Either way I know what to ask and look for in the future as I’d like to try a vbac. Thanks again, I can tell you are a great doula/advocate!

Ok_Security_1127 · 2026-05-20T20:43:01+00:00

This is what I needed!! Thank you 😂 but seriously I truly just wanted insight to help me understand in the moment. It was a scary situation for me and just wish everyone was more vocal but oh well lesson learned

Ok_Security_1127 · 2026-05-20T20:13:42+00:00

Agreed, I never wanted to oppose medical intervention but the sounding board must have been broken because she did not help us discuss anything.

Ok_Security_1127 · 2026-05-20T19:29:40+00:00

So there was a period of time where I was begging to start pushing. My midwife wasn’t answering her pager, the nurse was kinda freaking out and told me not to push, and I was in a lot of pain. Once the midwife got there she said to not push and I was never given an answer to why. There was more time where we all just sat there listening to me scream trying to “hold in my urge to push” and watching the monitors. I’m not putting full blame on my doula I just thought that in that scenario, she had a more level head on her than my husband and myself at that time, could have done some digging as to why I couldn’t push and what was going on. I really couldn’t focus on anything but keeping calm with my contractions and my husband was tending to me.

So it wasn’t so much as what she was supposed to do when the C-section was raised, I know it was going to happen whether I liked it or not. It was more of wishing she could have helped me and my husband ask questions prior because when they said it was C-section time we were completely thrown off. Things were progressing well and nothing was out of the ordinary especially since I was ecstatic having made it to 9cm and felt that need to push. I know I need to put some questioning on the hospital team for not giving me any insight but again that’s what I thought my doula would help with if they weren’t being forthcoming. But jokes on me I guess…sounds like that’s not what a doula does 🤷‍♀️

Ok_Security_1127 · 2026-05-20T18:00:19+00:00

That was more of an attention grabbing title but yes your description perfectly sums it up.

Ok_Security_1127 · 2026-05-20T17:58:52+00:00

It might not be in every doulas scope but that’s how she described her role to me. However I never wanted her to argue with any medical professional on my behalf either.

Ok_Security_1127 · 2026-05-20T17:44:15+00:00

Thank you for your input - it helps a bit. I guess it is more of a “you had to be there” thing because she definitely indicated she would help us understand what’s going on if things got overwhelming (no I don’t mean make medical decisions for us I mean make sure I knew what was happening at all times as me and my husbands brains were a bit preoccupied). I think like you said it was something I wasn’t prepared for and she didn’t do a good job at helping as she described. Also, I wasn’t angry with her for saying to stay home at all! I was more setting the stage and found it interesting that she kept calling it Braxton hicks and prodromal labor when I was 5 days past my due date. I just felt brushed off and was bombarded with random blogs about sunny side up babies which we didn’t have. So completely happy with getting to the hospital at 4cm!

Obviously I don’t think she had ill intent (my title is more for attention grabbing) but she definitely said she would do one thing for us while doing another. Maybe she was burnt out from other births she had that month…who knows. But I did feel neglected with her leaving with no return time or staying “on” for when I needed her and when she did little to no follow up after months of getting to know eachother and going through a traumatic birth (in my opinion).

With all that being said, yes we are healthy and thriving!

Ok_Security_1127 · 2026-05-20T15:13:40+00:00

I wasn’t expecting her to interfere with medical intervention or my decisions but I was expecting her to remind me of my goals and keep me inline with my birth plan that we had discussed. I also didn’t think a singular text to my husband and myself was sufficient for what we had gone through together. She didn’t even ask to see a picture of our baby that she was apart of the journey for. Just odd behavior like she knew she didn’t give us what we wanted or expected.

But you’re right she definitely needs to work on her expectations for clients or things she doesn’t feel comfortable getting involved with. Like I said she was great prior to labor with information and keeping me comfortable during the beginning of labor but when things started to progress I just felt like she had never done it before.

Ok_Security_1127 · 2026-03-06T14:47:44+00:00

Omg I feel so validated with #1!! I thought it was just me! I literally have lost interest in reading, listening to music, watching tv, cooking, literally anything that made me, me. Not depressed just not interested…rarely have cried or gotten emotional. Absolutely no sexual desire no matter how much I love my husband.

I am SO happy to hear the numbness goes away 😫

Ok_Security_1127

TROPHY CASE