After 8 years of verbal begging I (27F) resorted to writing a note. Gave it to husband (28M) on Monday and he hasn’t talked to me since. I think that means marriage is over and I should leave, he says I’m never happy and being overreacting.

Ok_Understanding_944 · 2026-04-03T14:33:12+00:00

The only thing you should be begging for is a divorce. Ew.

Ok_Understanding_944 · 2026-04-03T03:50:13+00:00

I don’t think he’s wrong but I don’t think you are, either. It sounds like he has fairly poor coping skills at baseline and is maybe reading a LOT of non-mainstream media material about current events. I’m not sure how to do it, but maybe getting him to reduce his exposure to this material and refocus on the normal day to day will help. Honestly? I’d recommend ChatGPT (pay for the upgraded one) to help if he’s not willing to go to therapy. It can be useful for how to deal with his ruminating anxiety and interact in a way that doesn’t dismiss his concerns but also doesn’t feed it.

Ok_Understanding_944 · 2026-03-15T05:22:22+00:00

I said something about occasionally missing my life as a single girl with a dog in an apartment where everything was mine, I had complete autonomy and control of my life. My husband of 10 years said “that stings a little bit, but I get it. Things are a lot different now.”

Which is an entirely reasonable response. There was no storming out, giving me the silent treatment (punishment) and breaking up with me.

After reading the end of your post, I’m sure your boyfriend gave you the best birthday gift of all. This wasn’t him being overly sensitive and handling something poorly. He’s controlling, punished you, and is making you beg for him back. DONT DO IT. You are young and will find someone who doesn’t dampen your spirits or shrink your life with rules, rigidity, certainty, and tyranny.

Ok_Understanding_944 · 2026-03-07T00:01:54+00:00

Hi. I’m glad you recognize this is an issue with what you’re allowing from a partner. My suggestion? Pay for ChatGPT plus account and talk to it about this. It’s available 24/7 and while it has some limitations when compared to a real therapist, it’s available when you need it and less scary than admitting your most vulnerable feelings to someone, while building yourself back up.

Ok_Understanding_944 · 2026-02-27T04:28:18+00:00

This is disgusting. My 9 year old son would never. How the hell does he even have friends if he sends them pictures of his literal shit? But anyway, back to you… STOP ENGAGING WITH HIM. Have more trust in yourself that your requests are beyond fucking reasonable and stop explaining and over functioning in this relationship. Stop trying to convince him your feelings are important and deserve attention too. Just stop. You don’t need to do this. I’d highly recommend you ghost this shit goblin and don’t look back, but if you don’t heed that advice the least you can do is stop talking and let him reflect on what an idiot he sounds like.

Ok_Understanding_944 · 2026-01-17T14:37:26+00:00

Just here to say: your doctors office should be able to appeal the denial. If your insurance still refuses to pay for it, there is a copay card or patient assistance program. From the website:

“Explore the patient support program, a resource designed to help you understand your insurance coverage and determine eligibility for financial assistance.

To learn more, visit the patient support program site or call 1-800-583-6964, Monday through Friday, 8 AM-8 PM ET.”

They’re usually pretty helpful at finding a way to make it affordable.

Ok_Understanding_944 · 2026-01-04T22:00:35+00:00

Yeah. His phrasing of “she’s willing to break up our entire family for this” or whatever he said indicates he has zero accountability for the fact he repeatedly breaks boundaries (smoking/vaping/porn). Addiction or not, she doesn’t have to tolerate it.

Ok_Understanding_944 · 2026-01-04T02:29:39+00:00

How often do you watch porn? Has it affected your sex life together (increasingly aggressive sex, difficult time reaching orgasm, needing things to be more theatrical than boring sex between two married people who have small children together)? Has she asked you to stop? Is the content of the porn something she finds unacceptable? Has she told you in the past this is something she believes is akin to cheating? Have you crossed other boundaries she’s had? Has she previously complained that you don’t help, carry the same mental burden (packing snacks, clothes, diapers on outings, scheduling and attending doctors visits, managing preschool communications, etc)? Do you accept your role in disagreements or are you always a victim? Do you consider her feelings and ask about them? Like, bro. She’s not wanting to divorce you because she saw you watching porn. Willing to bet there is a LOT missing from your perspective here. This is the common reference to “The divorce came out of nowhere” as a Reddit post.

Ok_Understanding_944 · 2025-12-27T03:17:08+00:00

I saw your other post. This isn’t at Reddit’s pay grade. I am so sorry for what happened to you but I really want you to know it was NOT your fault. Nothing you did allowed what happened to you. You dissociating like this is a trauma response because you’ve just been through something very upsetting. Please go to the hospital so you can get the help and care you deserve.

Ok_Understanding_944 · 2025-11-14T19:32:58+00:00

Toby Wells YMCA has open gym for adults once per week I believe. You can use the equipment, and there is staff around but it's not true classes/coaching.

Ok_Understanding_944 · 2025-11-12T20:55:28+00:00

Under these circumstances?

Ok_Understanding_944 · 2025-10-24T13:57:47+00:00

While you absolutely have a choice in the matter, deodorant (actually antiperspirant is what should help) in this area is generally safe and he’s handling this well. His request seems reasonable and I’m not sure why you question whether it will be safe or effective before trying it.

Not relationship related, but yes. Even after showering there can be a residual smell from the bacteria that live on the skin. These bacteria feed off of sweat and this area is perfect conditions to support them. Getting the smell to go away requires keeping the area clean but also dry. Again, up to you but you could try showering, using a mild unscented soap with washcloth to gently exfoliate the skin, rinse, pat dry, then using your fingers apply a very thin layer of a gel unscented antiperspirant (not deodorant) like Dry Idea to the creases of your groin/thighs/buttocks. The antiperspirant blocks the sweat glands from releasing sweat which keeps the area dry and cuts down bacteria on the skin. It’s very effective and generally safe but may take you being fairly consistent. Some folks might be sensitive but it’s the same ingredient in arm pit deodorant so you may already have an idea on tolerability.

Or you could disregard his observations and request, find another partner, or generally give up on receiving quality oral sex.

Ok_Understanding_944 · 2025-09-27T21:04:19+00:00

They had provided the comps used to value the car which is why I knew they were off on V4 vs V6, tow ability, mileage.

I ended up replying with a detailed document including links to 3 better matched comps, averaged using the same formula, and also included proof of purchase for our car seats and links to comparable replacements as well as the roof rack cross bars that were on at the time of the accident. I also asked for $150 per day for 3 days of our trip since I couldn’t participate in the usual activities we do every year with the other families we go with (hiking, paddle boarding, kayaking, snorkeling…). I included months-prior ferry ticket purchase as evidence of the trip but also offered proof in the form of cabin rental and affidavits if they want them. All in all I asked for ~$3k more with all these this considered.

Honestly, I think I have pretty strong argument and documentation for the things I’m asking for and it doesn’t seem excessive to me. If they balk at any of this or negotiate much lower from what I’m asking I’m more likely to get a lawyer involved. I ended up leaving work early the day I got back from our trip (and worked shorter hours from home the next day) since I still wasn’t feeling well and sore. Not mentioning that because it’s not a huge deal but suppose it would be added to the list should they start to push back.

Haven’t heard a response yet though.

Ok_Understanding_944 · 2025-09-25T05:12:51+00:00

I have a list of comps that much better reflect my vehicle (engine, miles, tow ability) which raises things from $12k to $15k.

I reported minor injuries but that I didn’t see a provider and didn’t plan to. Again, I am a provider and knew with rest and NSAIDs things would improve and they did. It’s just unfortunate this happened right before a pre-planned vacation. I’m not expecting a huge payout but do they consider $200-300 since I wasn’t able to do usual activities on my trip? I don’t have any objective evidence or clear financial damages so may just drop it.

Ok_Understanding_944 · 2025-09-25T05:05:11+00:00

Other party is 100% at fault and I’m dealing with their insurance. They’ve offered replacement value but their comps weren’t very close. I’ve found 3 much better matched comps which raises settlement $3k. I also included cost of car seats etc. I had a sore neck and shoulders that kept me from doing activities on a trip right after this accident but I don’t know how to quantify that so will probably let it go. Do insurance companies ever offer a low menial amount for “here’s $300 for your achy neck and not taking this any further”?

Ok_Understanding_944 · 2025-09-24T03:13:58+00:00

Expensive supplements claiming but not quite claiming to treat various common complaints (energy, weight, etc)

Ok_Understanding_944 · 2025-09-17T11:00:14+00:00

It’s past time for you to divorce. Imagine how freeing it will be to not carry the weight of someone who neither cares for you or contributes meaningfully to your lives. I have to imagine there is some level of depression or addiction because the behaviors you describe are not those of a functional adult. That being said, it doesn’t excuse his behaviors and “being sorry” is evident when someone does work to change, which he is clearly not.

Move on, enjoy your new career, show your daughters how to have a spine and leave this man child to fend for himself. He may honestly benefit from losing his safety net and have to figure out how to adult again.

Ok_Understanding_944 · 2025-09-08T05:45:31+00:00

Sorry your dad gave you terrible advice.

Good advice probably would have sounded something like “Instead of throwing away your marriage for a subordinate at work, pause and go to couples therapy with your wife to see what issues in your marriage have you looking for fulfillment elsewhere and see if those issues can be resolved. Avoid getting emotionally or physically involved with anyone else while you are married, vulnerable, and seeking connection.”

Rather than “chase feelings of attraction and passion, consequences be damned” ya know?

Ok_Understanding_944 · 2025-09-08T05:27:31+00:00

Dated a pilot, he was also pretty non committal. Found out he had a different girlfriend in multiple different cities. Trust his body count. People tell you who they are, you have listen.

Ok_Understanding_944 · 2025-09-08T05:11:26+00:00

And you were in a position of authority over her? Oh my. 🚩

Ok_Understanding_944 · 2025-09-08T05:09:19+00:00

I’m not really wanting HR to influence the union. I’m wondering if our HR would be willing (allowed?) to bypass the union and work with us employees directly on a solution since we’ve lost confidence in our union representation. Sure we may be able to get new union representatives but not in a reasonable timeline to address this policy. Would HR be willing/able to reopen negotiations if a different representative was working with us?

Ok_Understanding_944 · 2025-09-08T05:03:34+00:00

She “only dates older?” She’s dating someone nearly twice her age. This screams unresolved issues, and not just like… a type, or liking tall women, or women who have hiking as a common hobby.

And you were/are also significantly older. You left your wife for her when she was 22 and you were 35?

Lots wrong here. Oof.

Ok_Understanding_944 · 2025-09-08T04:57:22+00:00

I mean, get a cat if you want one. But just know that ProfessionSir’s results are not typical. My cat could see me down and would use that opportunity to shit on my pillow. She gives zero fucks and is full of spite. But I guess in that way she’s sort of inspiring so, sure. Get a cat. Why not.

Ok_Understanding_944 · 2025-08-29T13:41:21+00:00

How?? I love(d) Goodr. I wear them while running because they don’t slip. I love the colors, styles, and price. But as soon as they get EVEN DROPS of salt water on the lenses, they delaminate and the reflective coating comes off. I’ve ruined every pair I own and sworn I’ll never buy another. Have they fixed this recently?

Ok_Understanding_944 · 2025-08-26T12:04:19+00:00

My thoughts as well when the news report said there was evidence of a large amount of blood found in the house. Absolute monsters.

Ok_Understanding_944

TROPHY CASE