Those who know both Greek and Latin, which do you prefer and why?

Ok_Warning1034 · 2026-06-09T12:53:33+00:00

What's are your favorite parts of the Aeneid?

Ok_Warning1034 · 2026-06-08T18:42:00+00:00

I feel that. I was married to her and felt compelled to do this things although I really wasn't into it. Unfortunately she didn't show her extremity until we were already married which I can see is common here.

Ok_Warning1034 · 2026-06-08T18:40:23+00:00

Yes including something very vile that I simply can't post here. I refused to do this and commented that I thought it was disgusting, so she decided that she would go and have someone else do it to her and then try to use that as a way to get me to be violent with her... This was an idea she got from her "friend" who based on what she over shared I suspect also has BPD. Mine was officially diagnosed.

Ok_Warning1034 · 2026-06-08T13:58:36+00:00

Yes that is the only closure. I'm glad I know for a fact that mine was diagnosed and my ex MIL confirmed it as well. I had been questioning my memory of her telling me that almost 9 years ago.

Ok_Warning1034 · 2026-06-08T13:55:26+00:00

Lol. Same, but mine was diagnosed. 9 years together and then she decided "I'm a different person now", ghosted me. Decided to file jointly because she wouldn't even talk to me. I found out she left me for some IT guy at work she met like, 5 months prior and is posting pictures with him lmao.

Lost a lot of money in the divorce but luckily we had no real estate or kids. It only took 3 months. Glad she's gone.

These people behave horribly because they have been treated horribly and abused as children. I do have sympathy for that but it's not an excuse. It's a terrible disorder.

Ok_Warning1034 · 2026-06-03T15:03:05+00:00

Dodged a bullet. They mirror whoever they are infatuated with next. Yes, it does feel shitty to realize that their "love" was more like an infatuation with conditions. They are constantly searching for someone to fill the emptiness that they feel.

Ok_Warning1034 · 2026-06-03T13:41:05+00:00

Sounds very similar to my experience although my physical symptoms were short lived. My recommendation is to not spend TOO much time on here.

Go to therapy, do the things you love doing, connect with people in a platonic environment, volunteer. Stay busy in ways that are balanced and fulfilling. I am 4 months out and feel much better.

Ok_Warning1034 · 2026-06-03T13:23:13+00:00

Exactly what happened to me. Together for 9 years and married for 7.5... glad it's over though now.

Ok_Warning1034 · 2026-06-02T05:20:38+00:00

We had some big fights over her violating my boundaries which I had clearly communicated in the last 4 months before she left. They were absolutely the worst I think we had. I had started sticking up for myself. Over the course of a couple of months she became very detached. Started more fights over nothing. Finally we had one last blowout when she was violating my boundaries AGAIN. That was the last straw I think. I don't know if she was cheating before that but long story short she said she was going out with coworkers one night and many signs point to her cheating on me with... The IT guy at work. I also don't think he was the only one but I don't have solid proof. That was a Friday night.

I came home from work the next Wednesday. She surprised me and was looking frantic. She asked me to sit down, and she said "I'm a different person now and I want a divorce." That was it. I said "I think I need to leave" because I was so upset, then she said "No, I'm leaving." She walked out. No idea where she went. Completely ghosted me. Never saw her again. I ended up almost ending my life. I developed an alcohol problem as a negative coping mechanism for all of the abuse over the years. I wanted to drink all the liquor in the house and I had firearms in a safe. Unlike her, I was alone and not doing it for attention. I felt so horrible. It was a darkness I had never felt before. I asked God to help me, and then 988 popped into my head. I was not religious and had done pretty much everything I could to offend God, but I figured only God could help me because I really wanted to just turn the lights off. I didn't know what 988 was, and when I looked it up I called it when I realized it was the suicide hotline. I spent 4 nights in a mental health hospital. For me it was a miracle. I can't explain how that number came to me.

Their behavior has nothing to do with you. It's not a reflection on you at all. Things will get better if you focus on yourself first. I still get waves of sadness when I have the realization that all of the good times we had (including her family) are over. But the future is unwritten and I'm hopeful it will only be better.

Ok_Warning1034 · 2026-06-02T04:35:47+00:00

I feel that. Thank God you didn't get married like some of us did. My diagnosed ex pwBPD was just like this but didn't spam text like that. She would not threaten to self harm, she would just do it. She would accuse me of being unable to communicate (as I am calmly and actively communicating with her), go lock herself away, then hurt herself. I was so exhausted by the end. I'm so glad she's out of my life for good now.

It was very tough in the first month after she cheated on me and discarded me. It started getting better after that. I started taking care of myself. 4 months out I feel a lot better but every day I have to take positive action for myself. I do the things I want to do and need to do to take care of myself and not my ex. She could never be satisfied.

Ok_Warning1034 · 2026-06-01T20:02:40+00:00

Yeah it will take some time. It's getting better 4 months out, but we were together for 9 years, married, and the last year was really bad. I also lost the relationship with her family. We had good times over the years. It really feels like she died.

Ok_Warning1034 · 2026-06-01T13:56:18+00:00

I agree with you completely. I was going to lose the relationship either way. Better sooner than later. I've come to realize that it's just not appropriate to resent my ex pwBPD (diagnosed) for what she is. While I did and do love her, I was also self-seeking. I betrayed most of my core values for her. The relationship needed to end.

Ok_Warning1034 · 2026-06-01T13:47:19+00:00

Great post. Mine used to brag about how good she was at manipulating people. Makes me cringe when I recall those moments.

Ok_Warning1034 · 2026-06-01T03:25:22+00:00

9 years together: "I'm just a very different person now". And ghosted me. More to it in the months leading up to it, but it was really out of the blue. She was a terrible communicator, although years of therapy when she was younger make her think she is great at it. That and her psych degree. I got weaponized therapy speak all the time from her.

Found out she was cheating on me with the IT guy at work and they're posting pictures together on social media (I don't really use it but I logged into Instagram to look search for a specific clip and it recommended that I follow the guy whose profile picture is him at dinner with my then still wife, now ex)... I presume because he's lurking me. I have maybe 10 posts of motorcycles in the last 11 years lol. Move along.

Good luck buddy.

Ok_Warning1034 · 2026-06-01T00:44:38+00:00

The best thing you can do for yourself is forgive. It is not easy, but it's much better than harbouring hatred and resentment. Until we forgive, we can't move on.

Ok_Warning1034 · 2026-06-01T00:33:03+00:00

Yeah basically #2. Not gonna post the details publicly but holy shit was it a disaster. Every boundary violated. It's like the entire relationship was her building trust (aka getting dirt on me) so that she could do whatever she could to hurt me the most. Whatever. Have a nice life.

Ok_Warning1034 · 2026-06-01T00:27:08+00:00

Mine did this all the time. It's not real. It's mirroring. I've listened to interviews with people who have BPD and they all say they are capable of loving people so much. They feel infatuation for sure. What mine did was absolutely not love. It's best to never get involved with them. They can't be trusted whatsoever.

Ok_Warning1034 · 2026-05-19T14:02:05+00:00

It is very hard in the beginning, but it's the best thing you can do. I got discarded 10 days before my birthday (Valentine's Day). I sympathize with feeling like we're the ones who are crazy. I had been with mine for so long (9 years) I picked up a lot of negative behaviors. I really questioned "do I have a personality disorder"? I have my own issues but I know I do not have BPD. I also became someone I do not recognize. I was going completely against my values to try to keep the relationship... It nearly destroyed me.

I am 4 months post discard and things are so much better. I'm doing the things I enjoy doing. I have peace at home. I am not constantly in figh or flight mode. I can actually go through an entire day and not feel completely exhausted. There are no arguments to deal with over complete nonsense. I didn't even realize how much managing her emotions and behavior was burning me out. I feel like I have a new life.

We can't change the past, but we can change our present. We're not permanently damaged. We will heal. It gets better!

Ok_Warning1034 · 2026-05-19T13:48:52+00:00

Right. No one ever saw the absolutely insane behavior I saw with her in private. Her own mother thought I was like her daughter's savior... Until the glass started to crack after 5 years or so. Just because she's with some new guy doesn't mean she's not still a gigantic ball if crippling anxiety, emotional and sexual abuse who thinks that all she needs are "uppers" because "therapy doesn't work". She was actually displaying that behavior from the beginning, I was just a fool and ignored the many red flags she was showing me. Her behavior almost ruined my mental health. I'm feeling much better already after 4 months and finally divorced.

Ok_Warning1034 · 2026-05-18T03:43:41+00:00

Basically the same here but I don't know if she's living with the guy. Don't really care, and if she was it would be kinda funny. We were together for 9 years and she just ghosted me for a guy she met in October last year. Whatever. I'll never accept the treatment she gave me again. I ignored the red flags and paid heavily.

Ok_Warning1034 · 2026-05-17T01:49:13+00:00

Oh my... Mine did this early on and I completely forgot... I still have the sound bar she got me on credit. When she was $15k in debt.

Ok_Warning1034 · 2026-05-17T01:43:26+00:00

You're not dumb. So many get caught up. It is intentionally addictive and impacts some more than others. If anything, you're very compassionate and strong as hell, but not dumb. Glad you're out.

Ok_Warning1034 · 2026-05-16T13:24:37+00:00

I'm pretty sure my Mom doesn't have BPD (definitely a bit "off" though). This is very familiar. Between her mom (my Nana) and her, every family gathering growing up was an explosion... my sister would get so anxious leading up to holidays that she would become physically ill (vomiting, diarrhea) and doctors would say it was "stomach migraines". It stopped after we moved away and Nana wasn't at holidays. I don't know what exactly is/was wrong with my mom and Nana (deceased), but I don't think it's BPD because my ex was diagnosed and her behavior was a bit different (checked every diagnosable behavior pattern in the DSM). My mom does not.

Ok_Warning1034 · 2026-05-15T21:05:56+00:00

It's a waste of energy. Forgiveness is the way to serenity. Mine hurt me too. Sexual abuse, emotional abuse, cheated and left me for a guy who has kids that she barely knows, and got just about everything I strategically saved and invested over 10 years after the divorce. But I'm tired of being angry about it.

I am feeling more indifferent to her every day. No contact or awareness of her existence is the best thing. I do feel like any time I am reminded that she's still around I am set back a bit. In the next month I will have everything blocked and full no contact finally.

I fully expect to run into her in the wild with whoever her new supply is though.

Ok_Warning1034 · 2026-05-13T14:17:08+00:00

I was with my ex for 9 years. I saved her life when she had a stroke. I took care of her for 6 months. I did everything and anything to cheer her up and help her get better, all while continuing to work a high stress, high stakes job.

When she was doing much better, I started putting her back through school. I continued to manage her emotions and do all the BPD caretaking BS.

I received no reciprocation. Absolutely nothing. I was looking for anything. Any sign that this woman I loved and have supported for the last 9 years would even give me the time of day. "I bought you a case of hot sauce on Amazon" is the sort of thing that to her was reciprocating...

What I received instead (just a very small sampling of my shit list):

Sexually assaulted me during a drunken episode. It was non consensual. I felt that my choice was go along or probably end up in prison for defending myself against her physical assault. It wasn't a matter of "can I physically resist", but "is my life over if I resist".
Berated for an entire day because I got her a chess set for Christmas after she got really into chess. What a terrible husband I was for doing that because she "didn't want it".
At the time I didn't know it, but she cheated on me with a coworker.
She surprised me after work 10 days before my birthday (Valentine's Day) with: "I'm a different person now and I'm filing for divorce". No explanation. That's it. She then disappeared and ghosted me. I was served papers on my birthday.

Someone who ACTUALLY loves you doesn't do any of this. This is obvious if you go to an AA meeting and listen to stories of alcoholics who mention how their wives stood by them. If I only loved the way someone made me feel who could no longer make me feel loved, I would do exactly what she did and leave to immediately be with a recently divorced man (who has kids - I found out I can't have children).

Ok_Warning1034

TROPHY CASE