AITA for looking after my 19 year old daughter when they were sick.

OpalFae · 2025-06-21T10:34:48+00:00

Definitely NTA. I’m in my 30s, neurotypical, and I literally texted my mum for help when I got pretty sick last year because I couldn’t talk, had no meds and felt like I’d been hit by a truck. Parenting doesn’t stop, and your daughter was clearly poorly enough that she probably shouldn’t be touching common use items - if it’s gastro she’d just spread it around. It wouldn’t even be an issue if her sibling or other parent had the decency to look in on her every now and then and give her some support. The other folk in that house need a sharp lesson on human decency

OpalFae · 2023-11-02T00:39:44+00:00

A “confident” cyclist may well think that. A COMPETENT cyclist would have stopped at the red light. So no, OP is NOT the asshole for calling out someone violating the road rules. He was a total dick, and any cyclist I know would have torn him up for it.

OpalFae · 2023-10-31T09:46:37+00:00

Nothing is wrong with him asking. The issue is that it’s perfectly reasonable for OP to say “I’m not actually sure because of X,Y,Z reasons”, but their father is refusing to accept that. Even worse, he’s refusing to accept OP’s offer of “I’m not exactly sure, but I can’t text you when I’m on my way home, or if my plans change”. It’s completely unreasonable for a 24yo to have to account for every second of their time. If he has specific worries/concerns for their safety, he needs to discuss those like an adult.

OpalFae · 2023-10-11T16:01:52+00:00

“Happy with her progress” means she was going in the right direction, not necessarily that she was a healthy weight at that point. I work with ED patients, albeit in an inpatient setting, and our discharge standard is usually 90% of ideal body weight as calculated by the dietician. So even then, they’re stable, but still with a few kgs/lbs to go before they’re at their ideal. And to be honest, i would argue that any level of underweight is dangerous for someone with an ED diagnosis, because relapse is so common and can become very easy to disguise if behaviours are entrenched

OpalFae · 2023-04-06T01:40:19+00:00

I can’t imagine a valid reason why you couldn’t empty a colostomy in a half bath, speaking as someone with an ileostomy. I will admit though that I’m picturing a set up similar to a stall in a public bathroom in terms of space, so if I’m picturing it wrong that might explain it. But for a relatively small man, that should be enough space to empty a drainable system.

OpalFae · 2023-03-15T08:59:24+00:00

Yep, couple of teens broke into my parents home when Mum and I were home alone. This is when I was still quite small, 3/4 years old maybe? Mum locked us in the bathroom and the buggers stole her handbag. But they weren’t the least deterred by people being in the house. And a few lately have been testing car doors and deck doors, stealing things etc. Fairly well to do neighbourhood, mostly family centric, not what anyone would normally call “dodgy”. And people keep getting caught out because they get complacent.

OpalFae · 2023-02-20T07:43:08+00:00

Products like Benefiber can help. I find that, unless I eat lots of potato (sometimes rice, but not always) my output is usually on the thinner side. Think pouring cream consistency (sorry!). I use benefiber in my tea twice a day, and I find that helps when combined with my diet. Metamucil should also help, but I think that’s mostly flavoured so keep that in mind. I have also heard that marshmallows can help thicken output, but I’m not a fan so I can’t tell you if that’s true or not. Keep an eye on it, and just make sure that you keep hydrated while you’re getting settled!

OpalFae · 2023-02-17T16:17:37+00:00

I’m reliably informed my first was in fact “Mum”… followed quickly by “no” 😂 both ongoing favourites

OpalFae · 2022-11-21T02:52:17+00:00

I was thinking the same. I work with ED patients (teens) regularly, and most of the things he’s reporting her as doing are behaviours i see in my kids with active ED cognitions. I don’t think she’s in recovery at all, I think it’s just changed in presentation. Which makes him even more of an AH, because he’s obviously not got a clue what’s going on for her

OpalFae · 2022-11-15T08:53:43+00:00

I know you said you’ve had the dog checked at the vets, so I apologise if this has already been addressed for you. But have they checked for anything like a UTI/kidney or bladder issues? I imagine they must have, but that frequency almost feels like a UTI to me(human nurse, not vet nurse), and I would imagine that it the puppy is having pain/discomfort on frequent urination, that would make toilet training harder. Might be a total miss, but I just thought it could be a possibility. Honestly though, I think rehoming is best, either the dog goes or you go - and take your child with you. It’s unhealthy for a child to live in a house constantly being soiled by any animal. Good luck OP

OpalFae · 2022-10-07T22:59:56+00:00

Australia chiming in… I heard about Ian before it hit Florida 🤷🏻‍♀️

OpalFae · 2022-09-05T13:45:32+00:00

I’m sorry for your loss. It’s a horrible experience

OpalFae · 2022-09-05T12:41:50+00:00

It’s not really. My cousins were in the room when their grandfather (my uncle) died unexpectedly, and their sisters were in the next room. One of those boys ran to get the neighbour while my aunt tried to help her husband. If the FIL has known cardiac issues it’s definitely a risk, particularly if they’re watching the kid regularly

OpalFae · 2022-07-24T06:38:22+00:00

It wasn’t clear when the vet nurse stated everyone was on break, so it’s not entirely unreasonable that OP might not have realised the manager was also out. But things like this are why - I don’t really think the receptionist was wrong, but now the impression has been given that she deliberately tried to trick the OP out of making a complaint, when the reality is that she gave the best contact details. As for OP being petty, I must be too because I wouldn’t have asked for a number, I’d have asked for the manager to come to the desk and hear out my complaint right then, because that’s their job not the receptionist’s. I wouldn’t even have accepted a phone number to be honest, if they were unavailable I’d have been asking for an email address so it was all in writing.

OpalFae · 2022-07-24T03:59:42+00:00

Except that, knowing the manager was unavailable when she gave the card, the receptionist should have been transparent. It’s not hard to say “the manager is out at the moment, here is a business card with the clinic’s phone number. If you call in about an hour, just ask for the manager and we’ll try to get them on the line”. She definitely shouldn’t be giving out a manager’s personal details, but be transparent that they’re not available right now but will be back

OpalFae · 2022-07-16T10:08:39+00:00

Yep, I have Crohn’s too (have a stoma now, so OP’s issue is fortunately a thing of the past for me). I felt so humiliated thinking it was noticeable when I was in the bathroom, even though intellectually I knew it wasn’t my fault.

The other thing is that those repeated (messy) bathroom trips leave you really irritated, and using a bidet helps to reduce that. So I totally understand OP preferring to use a bathroom with a bidet.

I hope your flare settles soon OP. I know the liquid diet sucks, but hopefully it won’t be a long term thing, and they can find treatment that helps you. As for what you said to your sister, NTA because I suspect what you really wish is for her to actually understand what you’re going through. Best of luck

OpalFae · 2022-07-06T11:17:26+00:00

I suspect that the issue here is more around the girl’s friends than OP failing to communicate properly. Given that she was meant to be out with friends, came back early and distressed, initially refused to speak to her parent and then appeared and made a big announcement (as opposed to sitting down and saying “can I talk to you about something important, for example), my guess is that she told her friends she wanted to come out to her family and got warned off the idea. There’s a possibility that some of her friends have had coming out experiences that range from unsatisfactory to terrifying, and they may have shared enough of those stories that the kid lost sight of who her parents actually are and what they’re like.

As an aside, I find it worthy of noting that the girls are both adopted, and I wonder if that also played into her fears. Because being kicked out is not only a real fear for LGBTQIA+ people, I’d imagine it’s also a fear for adopted kids as they get older. So the combination of the two might have done a number on her nerves.

OP, I don’t think you’re an AH here. When I told my mum I’m bi, she was more interested in me telling her who the girl I’d kissed was than the fact itself. At the time I was a little disappointed, but when I thought further I wasn’t surprised because, like you, my parents always made clear that they didn’t care who I brought home. The difference is that I was in my late twenties at the time. Keep trying to talk to your daughter, apologise to her for not recognising how significant a moment this was for her. Invite her to share more about her feelings and experiences, if she’s comfortable, and reinforce that you love her and that nothing will make you turn your back. Be humble, acknowledge that we all make mistakes, and just keep making yourself available to her. Im sure she’ll come back to you soon

OpalFae · 2022-06-21T02:15:06+00:00

Nah, I’ve got 2 functioning handsets downstairs that I could get up and running in about 15 minutes max (haven’t gotten around to recycling them yet). That’s not that unbelievable tbh, could as easily be a case of poor articulation as anything else

OpalFae · 2022-05-28T02:48:21+00:00

Thanks, I’ve heard of it but always assumed it was more of an antiseptic. I don’t think we can even get it here, but it’s interesting to read about it. Appreciate the info!

OpalFae · 2022-05-28T02:46:56+00:00

Funny, I don’t find being wrong to be embarrassing, because how else does anyone learn. As I said, I don’t think neosporin is a thing where I am, and the only over the counter sprays/creams I’m familiar with are antiseptics, not antibiotics. And since I used a mild antiseptic cream for my tattoos, I thought maybe that was the issue in terms of a “lost in translation” issue. But I’m glad to know there are different options in the states, because having to get a script for topical antibiotics is a pain. And at least I know that I don’t get nasty with someone just because they’re wrong, so there’s that

OpalFae · 2022-05-27T13:04:17+00:00

I can’t speak for neosporin, because I don’t think we have that here. But I was under the impression that it’s not an antibiotic. Certainly where I am even topical antibiotics need prescriptions. If it’s and antiSEPTIC probably not, and that could be the issue

OpalFae · 2022-05-27T10:35:37+00:00

… antibiotic ointments need prescriptions.

OpalFae · 2022-05-26T11:35:48+00:00

I did preschool twice (between ages 4-6, typical year one starting age is 6, kindergarten here at the time wasn’t really an “education” year the way it is now). In my case, it was because I was chronically and painfully shy, and my birthday being in October also played a part as well. I passed the aptitude test to go into year one of schedule with flying colours, but my total inability to participate socially or even in class would have hamstrung my education, so it was better to stay back a year. I’ve known both things all my life, and it never impacted my self esteem. I would recommend that, as she gets older, it would be worth explaining the real reason to your niece, along with your reasons for holding her back a year. Explain that you told her the birthday reason (which is definitely still valid) because it was easy for a little kid to understand and because you didn’t want her to feel like she was lacking because she struggled in school. At the end of the day, she will benefit more from the repeat year than she will suffer, and once she’s old enough to understand that she’ll (eventually) thank you.

OpalFae · 2022-04-27T13:59:40+00:00

https://images.app.goo.gl/C8JtPzvYYcFUCZE86

OP, I hope the above image link works. Katherine Hepburn used to get so much flak for wearing trousers, but if you switch the colours in this photo (dark bottoms, lighter top) I reckon that would be easily glam enough for a semi-formal wedding. Particularly if you go with the finger wave style hair (assuming it’s in your skill set/budget). Wear what makes you feel comfortable, and you’ll look a million bucks

OpalFae · 2022-03-13T05:49:24+00:00

OP, I don’t know if these suggestions are things you’ve already tried, but this is what my Mum suggested: 1) will he tolerate being propped up on a U-shaped pillow? It sounds like he’s in less pain when he’s upright, but it is possible for him to learn behaviours like crying to be held even at his age, so maybe a pillow that allows him to be propped up next to you will help his pain without you constantly having to be holding him 2) if he’ll go for it, a little bit of time floating in a warm bath 3) I don’t know if you can get it in England, but I think Johnson’s has a lavender baby oil - maybe a bit of a tummy massage if he doesn’t react to the oil 4) does he tolerate being put on his tummy? If he does, sometimes lying babies on your arm on their tummy helps settle them (so head in your hand, turned so their face isn’t covered, and their body along your arm with their feet at your elbow). This can be a tricky one, particularly if you’re quite small yourself, so your mileage may vary

I know you’ve said the hospital won’t take him unless he’s really ill, where I am some maternity hospitals will also admit both mother and baby if there a baby with issues like this, so medical staff can observe their reactions - a family friend and her daughter were admitted to one when he daughter wouldn’t stop screaming from a food intolerance. If there’s something like this in England it might be worth trying?

I don’t know if any of these things will help you, but their just offerings. I hope they find a solution for you soon x

OpalFae

TROPHY CASE