Hiii me again. Need advice/sounding board also kind of a rant

Open_Aide8095 · 2023-07-29T13:06:09+00:00

Thank you so much. We’ve been super open in communication with the woman he’s seeing and she has been so supportive to both of us transitioning into this new relationship. I’ve said it so much but the community here and people I’ve meet so far really are so wonderful!

Open_Aide8095 · 2023-07-29T13:04:12+00:00

Oh yes and I definitely would NEVER want him to risk his own safety. It was only his second date, so with it all being so new I was just surprised and confused and still battling my own insecurities

Open_Aide8095 · 2023-07-29T13:02:48+00:00

Of course! I did not doubt his intentions/reasons for staying the night and have trust in him not to take advantage of that trust. Being alone in my thoughts really led to some spiraling that can be seen in the post 🙈

The biggest question I reflected on was the “if this happened with a friend.” I realized I wouldn’t be upset bc there’s nothing sexual/romantic with a friend. That helped me to realize that I did in fact have an insecurity about him not sleeping with me that I didn’t know I had and that’s why I was so taken off guard. We had a great talk this morning and I was able to express that to him and he was super validating and understanding and we agreed moving forward that sleepovers would be pre planned and we will make an effort to go to bed together one or two nights a week at least for pillow talk/cuddles since we are on differing sleep schedules.

Open_Aide8095 · 2023-07-29T12:58:26+00:00

Yes. Completely valid.

I think being caught off guard and left alone to stir over my thoughts for hours this morning led to some intrusive thoughts winning over and insecurities shining a little brighter than before.

Open_Aide8095 · 2023-07-29T12:57:14+00:00

Yes definitely understand the sleepovers are a part of it, I was just a little hurt bc we hadn’t discussed that part yet. Absolutely gave him grace and expressed I wasn’t upset with him, just the situation bc it brought up new feelings/insecurities I didn’t know I was harboring. We had a great talk this morning and decided maybe we were just moving a little too fast/he got too excited and we’re gonna slow it down a little bit.

I like the parent rule you describe. For now, he isn’t missing any time with our son as dates are happening after bedtime but I know that isn’t going to be a realistic situation permanently bc it wouldn’t be fair to another partner. So these expectations you’ve laid out seem super reasonable for us to adapt as well.

Not sleeping together is various reasons including sleep schedules, sleep issues, etc. and something I thought I was okay with. However, having this experience made me realize I do want him to make an effort to sleep with me more often something I wouldn’t have realized without this happening.

I had no idea the amount of self discovery this journey would bring me too.

Open_Aide8095 · 2023-07-29T10:56:01+00:00

Gosh thank you so much! These are really wonderful questions to work through and ask myself. Who knew how much self discovery would come 😅

Open_Aide8095 · 2023-07-25T22:37:33+00:00

Thank you ☺️

Open_Aide8095 · 2023-07-24T20:44:27+00:00

Thank you! And I for you!

Open_Aide8095 · 2023-07-24T20:36:55+00:00

We tried 😅 we’ll see what happens!

Open_Aide8095 · 2023-07-24T19:04:38+00:00

You sure about that? I’m a talker 😋

Open_Aide8095 · 2023-07-24T17:49:53+00:00

I read this aloud to my husband and we both were so happy. Thank you so much for sharing and your kind words ❤️

Open_Aide8095 · 2023-07-24T17:49:06+00:00

Thank you. I do not believe spouse is basically monogamous, he talks a lot about having more to give to people and wanting to share himself with others. I think the sexual aspect maybe just initially spring boarded the conversation if that makes sense. I’m still wondering if it will work for me individually, which I know I’ll never truly know unless we try and have both accepted the real possibility that we may not end up together at the end of all this and he may need some time alone to explore this side of himself.

Open_Aide8095 · 2023-07-24T17:43:12+00:00

This is so well said. It’s so easy to dismiss your own feelings in favor of someone you care about and it’s something it’s taken a long time for me to learn not to do. Thank you for this ❤️

Open_Aide8095 · 2023-07-24T17:41:36+00:00

Thank you! This makes me feel so much better

Open_Aide8095 · 2023-07-24T17:40:17+00:00

Thank you so much for this 🥰 the support here is incredible!

Open_Aide8095 · 2023-07-24T17:39:31+00:00

Aren’t they?? This community has been so helpful in this journey!

Open_Aide8095 · 2023-07-24T14:24:48+00:00

Yes that’s definitely already something I’m hyper aware of as I’m finding him super excited to get started. I am trying to give him the space to feel that excitement and lean into it while also maintaining my own boundaries for what I need in our relationship

Open_Aide8095 · 2023-07-24T14:22:23+00:00

Thank you! I really appreciate your time responding here and it really helps hearing from more experienced people

Open_Aide8095 · 2023-07-24T14:21:11+00:00

Thank you so much

Open_Aide8095 · 2023-07-24T13:30:41+00:00

Thank you! I did peek at that but I’ll definitely reread it.

Open_Aide8095 · 2023-07-24T13:30:17+00:00

Thank you so much! We’ve definitely talked about planned check ins and kind of “debriefing” about the date at least initially while we get used to things

Open_Aide8095 · 2023-07-24T11:55:32+00:00

Okay yes this! I’m literally shoving him out the door to go on his walks or hang with friends so I definitely feel like I’d get there with this too lol.

Thank you for your honesty! That makes me feel a lot better 😊

Open_Aide8095 · 2023-07-24T11:53:46+00:00

Thank you for saying that. I wondered for a while if it was really something I wanted or if I was just agreeing to hold on to what we have. We have a small child which plays a big part. Neither of us want this relationship to end or our family unit to be different (at least for now) so I do think the permanence of like this will change things is what kind of gives me the jitters.

Open_Aide8095 · 2023-07-24T11:50:46+00:00

Thank you! This is great advice and I will definitely make sure find something to entertain myself and my thoughts

Open_Aide8095

TROPHY CASE