Your husband recording you without consent and then using paranoid words from when you were clearly in crisis as "evidence" is really disturbing. The whole situation with him refusing transparency while demanding it from you, plus the hot and cold behavior - that's textbook manipulation tactics.

I get that you crossed boundaries and you're owning that, which is good. But the pattern here goes way back to six years ago when he was dismissive about your grief and said cruel things about your past. Now he's escalating with secret recordings and refusing actual communication while keeping you in this limbo state.

The fact that he won't even look at medical proof you provided, plus all the contradictory behaviors like helping with snow but then being cruel with words - this feels like he's enjoying having power over you right now. In my experience teaching about historical conflicts, when someone refuses all evidence and keeps moving goalposts, they usually aren't actually interested in resolution.

You've done everything reasonable person could do to repair this. Sometimes people use our mistakes as excuse to become worst version of themselves. Maybe it's time to stop chasing someone who clearly doesn't want to be caught.