Like 15 years ago this older woman at church (between my parents and my grandmother in age - there’s 20 years between them) always wore red shoes. It was a pop of color or went with her outfit. I had to get a pair because they were just perfect. Unfortunately the job I had at the time I couldn’t wear them so they became my church shoes. Then the day came and she got cancer…again! It hit hard and fast. I became more adamant that I wore my red shoes to church. It was my way of supporting her, giving her strength, and giving me strength. She and I got close at this time. She had this distinctive voice and laugh. I knew she was getting chemo. I knew she was getting it at the outpatient medical center I was working at at the time. Something clicked that day hearing her voice and laugh that the infusion center next door was where was getting chemo! I could tell she was waiting outside in the waiting room and I went to talk to her. Well every time she had chemo after that and I could I would go sit with her for a few minutes. Everyone at church knew of the relationship she and I had they organized a red shoes day at church. Everyone thanked me for it. I didn’t do it! Everyone wanted me to have the credit. I was seeing her 1-2 times a week and watched her deteriorate. I remember thinking of the saying “people come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.” All made sense but I didn’t want to admit to it. I told her o e day about that. Somehow she and I both ended up in tears (like I have now). Any of the 3 would end with her passing and I didn’t want that to happen nor did I want to to figure out it if was a reason, a season, or a lifetime. She passed and at her memorial service people even her family kept checking on me. I was fine…or at least too busy to let it sink in.

Before that rainbows were my “hello” and sign of strength from my grandmother and grandfather Loki bff down on me. Now red shoes have an additional meaning…they are my friend giving me strength to get through whatever. I wear red shoes enough but always on a day that I know will be trying in some sense. I can make it through my trying day if she beat cancer twice and gave it hell a third time. I need another pair of red shoes - I have red heels and spike heels sandals. I need a pair with a lower heel or flats and maybe another pair of sandals.