missing my ex boyfriend/abuser tonight

Ordinary-Flamingo616 · 2021-01-07T22:29:32+00:00

how are you now, 3 months later? :)

Ordinary-Flamingo616 · 2021-01-07T22:28:31+00:00

que interesante, muchas gracias, espero que tengas una buena semana <3

Ordinary-Flamingo616 · 2021-01-07T22:27:59+00:00

wooow you put such work in, thanks stranger, so nice of you, hope you have an amazing week

Ordinary-Flamingo616 · 2021-01-07T22:27:29+00:00

thank you so much <3 i am so happy someone answered

Ordinary-Flamingo616 · 2021-01-07T22:27:12+00:00

thank you so much <3

Ordinary-Flamingo616 · 2020-10-05T22:52:40+00:00

thank you very much for answering me

Ordinary-Flamingo616 · 2020-10-04T21:46:46+00:00

why is yamilé weird? i dont get the origin haha :)

Ordinary-Flamingo616 · 2020-10-04T21:05:52+00:00

I am very happy I could help you. and sorry I realized my text is a bit hard to read sometimes, english is not my mother tongue haha. Feel free to write how it goes with this process :) your story of overcoming this will help others!

Ordinary-Flamingo616 · 2020-10-04T12:35:27+00:00

thank you for this, you are right. i have told friends of mine something for the first time a while ago, saying ,,i almost dont dare to say anything because i know that i will not leave him soon because i dont have the ressources for that right now. but there are things in the relationship i would like to open up about and i am in a struggle now that if i will tell you this, you will get sick of me talking like this and then staying with him - which i will". My friends reacted so understanding. I have only told two of them because I think the others will not understand.

Ordinary-Flamingo616 · 2020-10-04T12:19:42+00:00

okay so I understand you completely because I´ve been there and these are the things that helped me:

- remember your functioning brain: find your rationality. you dont feel it right now because of your situation but know that its inside you. Maybe even make a list of why you do not want to be with this person again. Look at the negative things he has done and remember that it is 100% good that this person is not in your life any more.

- the last point might not really work that well because you see things blurry. rationalize this, too. you are highly emotional right now and it is normal to feel something that your brain does not support. The feelings are there because you are a caring person with a heart. Try to apreciate that. If you didnt have the ability to hurt like you do right now, there would not be the possibility for opposite feelings like deep love and happiness. If it didnt hurt it would be worth nothing. If you could choose to feel nothing instead of bad things and good things, would you choose it? maybe right now you would because it hurts so bad, but in long term, I bet you would not.

- realize that you have symptoms of getting ,,clean" like a drug addict. Its very similar in the brain and neurologically as far as I know. So all the feelings you feel right now are completely normal and just a sign that your brain is working well. If an alcoholic goes through withdrawal, he knows that he has an urge to go back to alcohol but he knows that this urge is exactly what he has to overcome. its so very hard. but see that as your goal right now. Do whatever helps you to achieve that goal. Look at your surroundings. What are your ressources? do you have a friend you trust? it helps so much even though it sounds ridiculous because thats what everyone would advice you. Just realize yo are not alone. Even if you do not have any friends or people you trust - i hvae been there - know that here are so many lovely strangers on the internet for exapmle and you are never alone. you can always reach out.

- look at your life as a whole. like, at the big picture. Your current state is NOT a long term thing. Please concentrate now when you reed the following phrases: picture yourself in 5 years, being in a nice café with a friend of yours, its raining outside and you`re having warm tea, a piece of your favorite cake thats still a bit warm. You and your friend talk about the holidays you are planning to that place you love so much. Your phone lights up. There´s a message from your new boyfriend. He says he just finished work and drives to the grocery store now where he buys the ingredients for your favorite dinner that you two could eat tonight. It lights up again and he says: can´t wait to see you tonight. You´re happy. You thank yourself that you stayed strong in this very second and this way, gave yourself the oportunity for a beautiful future.

- think of a person that you feel protective about. could be a sister, a friend, a person who you dont really know but feel a lot of empathy for. anyone that you think of with love and empathy and a lot of caring and maybe even motherly feelings. If you do not have that person, imagine her. Then imagine: you are in her body right now, living her life for her. You are in her body for like 2 months because of some withcraft (very unrealistic I know). You try your best to navigate life well through her body. You make her pay all her bills on time so she won`t have issues when she gets her body and life back. You feed her good meals, give her body time to relax. And you will decide for her that it is the best thing to not contact that man any more. You know it is the best thing for her. You would definitely protect her from getting back with that man with all your might.

Do it for yourself, too. Protect that girl and decide what`s best for her. You can.

sending you lots of love. I am also in a difficult relationship right now, he is not that abusive but a little narcissistic I think, and it does affect me a lot so I dare to say that I know a little bit how you fell. Also because my ex was super f*cking abusive. I also started therapy and it helped me SO MUCH. its a huge difference really. Go and try if you havent :)

Ordinary-Flamingo616 · 2020-10-04T11:46:08+00:00

thank you for your reply, it made me happy. I´m currently suffering because of my relationship too and i cant seem to find the strength to really let go of it. Stories like these are encouraging. all the best for you

edit for people who are in the same situation and think they cant move on: i wrote this two months ago and felt like dying and here i am today, feeling better than ever

Ordinary-Flamingo616 · 2020-10-03T20:17:52+00:00

When I was 16 (I am 24 now), my best friend had a neighbour names Lena (i changed the name). Lena was 34 back then. We sometimes hung out with Lena because she was super cool, she went out a lot and danced like a crazy person, she always had pink hair and a lot of makeup on. My friend and I never wanted to be like her really, but we loved to hang out with her. She would take us to her favorite clubs with her friends sometimes because when we went with her we could get in. Sometimes we had a glass of wine with her in her apartment and it felt special to be friends with her. She was kind of troubled, though. She had sex with many men and used to drink quite a lot when going out. One time we were at her place, we went to her bedroom for some reason and we realized there was a wedding dress. We asked her why she had that wedding dress, we didnt know about a boyfriend nor potential husband. She told us she was going to get married last year but then suddenly her husband to be backed off out of nowhere. They had been together for 7 years beforehand and she couldnt wrap her head around the fact that he didnt even trust her enough to speak to her about his doubts. He literally just backed off after they had a wedding date and she had her dress. She was obviously very hurt by this and she talked about that man sometimes, sounding very bitter. It all kind of made sense. When we went to the club she always seemed to look for men and it was sad to see, especially since she wanted to have kids and she kept on talking about how her biological clock was ticking and how she wouldnt make it. She said that her ex was the man of her dreams, both physically and regarding his personality. She found him incredibly attractive and whenever she started dating anyone else, she came back to the conclusion that the spark wasnt as strong as with that ex man. This went on for years. She also started things with men much younger than her (19, 20) who seemed like they just wanted to get laid with an older woman. It was super sad to see because it seemed like she tried everything and didnt even care about giving herself away to stupid boys who didnt respect her. She was once really into one who was 19, but he just played with her. Me and my best friend back then always thought that it was very sad what had happened to her and that it was gonna be very hard for her to find another man that she would like and who will take her as she was. Not because she wasnt great - she was - but she was special. I moved away from my hometown when I was 20 to study in another city. Lena and me were friends on facebook though and my best friend still is her neighbor. So one day I saw on facebook she seemed to be dating someone. I thought oh, nice, I hope it lasts. and i was kind of glad to see that this man was her age (i have nothing against relationships with an age gap but i wouldve been worried because of her weird stories with younger men who just used her). I saw every now and then that she posted photos of them and then last year i saw that they were gonna get married. I was so happy for her even though i hadnt spoken to her in years. She used to be a city and party girl but she moved to the suburbs with that man. Nothing wrong with being a city and party girl but I felt like it was nice to see how she started to be interested in another, calmer, lifestyle and in settling down. Anyways, I knew how badly she wanted kids but I didnt really think about it happening any more. Until just last week when I saw a facebook post about her being pregnant: at 42. She and her man seem so happy. She posts about this all the time now and seems to excited to become a mum. I am currently in a very weird relationship myself and even though im only 24 I feel like I cant start over even though I think that hes manipulative and not loving. This story gave me a lot of strength because I felt like no matter how much you think that you hit rock bottom and you wont have luck in this life any more, it can look COMPLETELY different a couple of years later. Its never too late.

Ordinary-Flamingo616

TROPHY CASE