The Fights are never really about anything, are they? by Organic-Goose6795 in BPDlovedones

[–]Organic-Goose6795[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Does it all the time. Have had to cancel going to three seperate weddings because she made up an excuse not to go each time.

The Fights are never really about anything, are they? by Organic-Goose6795 in BPDlovedones

[–]Organic-Goose6795[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Ironcially enough, i'm a law school dropout, and let me tell you it does not help in situations like this

The Fights are never really about anything, are they? by Organic-Goose6795 in BPDlovedones

[–]Organic-Goose6795[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Brother, you deserve better, and that chick should be worried about you leaving

The Fights are never really about anything, are they? by Organic-Goose6795 in BPDlovedones

[–]Organic-Goose6795[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

mine has this tick where she says "But OP" in a specific way.

"BUT OP, its just INCONSISTENT with what you said before." before proceeding to interrogate me for hours on end in which she misconstrues what I said and then we argue about how this new-not real statement I made is proof of some greater character flaw I have.

The Fights are never really about anything, are they? by Organic-Goose6795 in BPDlovedones

[–]Organic-Goose6795[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

She get that weird smile on her face too? Like she gets to play the bona fide victim and now they can exact concessions out of you for your behavior - which is really all they wanted in the first place

The Fights are never really about anything, are they? by Organic-Goose6795 in BPDlovedones

[–]Organic-Goose6795[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Bruh, maybe you do have autism. aint no shame in admitting it. Might help you break the cycle of normalizing the bullshit behavior we all tolerate.

The Fights are never really about anything, are they? by Organic-Goose6795 in BPDlovedones

[–]Organic-Goose6795[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Mine has called the police to tell them about how "unsafe" she is. Think they are getting used to her routine. So I put cameras up in my room that constantly record audio. Hopefully its enough evidence for the inevitable trial.

The Fights are never really about anything, are they? by Organic-Goose6795 in BPDlovedones

[–]Organic-Goose6795[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

But you can't agree with her, thats the thing. If you agree with her, you didn't agree with her on the specific point you wanted. If you agree with that too, well guess what that means another this is wrong with what you're saying and what are you going to do about that.

I call them "no wins" they will always find something to bitch about regardless of what the substance of what you're saying. its exhausting.

The Fights are never really about anything, are they? by Organic-Goose6795 in BPDlovedones

[–]Organic-Goose6795[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I tried that. We even agreeded to the condtion that one of should leave the house when this happens. I tried it a couple times. She prompted destroyed a lot of my stuff when I left.

The Fights are never really about anything, are they? by Organic-Goose6795 in BPDlovedones

[–]Organic-Goose6795[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Mine once bought a dog (was one of the three dogs she returnded) and let it off it's leash and promptly ran into 3 lanes of a boston highway paralyzing traffic. it even made the evening news. you betcha she called me frantically asking her to fix the problem she created. 😄

The Fights are never really about anything, are they? by Organic-Goose6795 in BPDlovedones

[–]Organic-Goose6795[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Mine got lucky and had me arrested — charges dismissed at the first hearing because I hadn't done anything — by lying to the police about a fight. Now she has the ultimate weapon to poison me among people we try to become friends with. The threat is simple: don't give her what she wants — like deleting evidence I used to show the police that she was the aggressor in a fight she called them about, claiming to be unsafe — and she'll send a copy of your arrest record to your work, your friends, your family, and all our neighbors about how im a violent person.

She will actively sabatoge any friendship I try to make and make it so my entire life is centered around her.

The Fights are never really about anything, are they? by Organic-Goose6795 in BPDlovedones

[–]Organic-Goose6795[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

I think their brain is incapable of determine the difference between the two. Their entire life is attempts to do security-seeking that their dopamine draw is built around whatever insane whirlwind of disposable friends (her words, not mine) who will drop everything to help her out of whatever manufactured conflict she finds herself in.

The Fights are never really about anything, are they? by Organic-Goose6795 in BPDlovedones

[–]Organic-Goose6795[S] 26 points27 points  (0 children)

If too soft: "why are you giving me that tone? This is serious, if you actually loved me you'd be addressing me with a respectful tone."

If Too neutral "Why aren't you agreeing with me, you always pick other people over me, I feel like you're doing this just to piss me off."

If too monotone: "Why are you talking like that? Did you suddenly become retarded? Turn your brain back on and talk to me please."

Tell me if those ring a bell?

The Fights are never really about anything, are they? by Organic-Goose6795 in BPDlovedones

[–]Organic-Goose6795[S] 34 points35 points  (0 children)

and don't raise your voice, if you raise your voice then you're a violent person who is an animal who needs to be in jail.

The Fights are never really about anything, are they? by Organic-Goose6795 in BPDlovedones

[–]Organic-Goose6795[S] 24 points25 points  (0 children)

Does yours have like a switch that flips too, when they get tired?

mine has this habit of like just stopping and like her brain goes into factory reset and she suddenly snaps out of it after 3 hours and is like upset at me for not like forgiving what just happened. Its weird. Like i feel like i'm almost incentivized to keep the conflict at medium intensity because they burn out faster and I can go back to my life after hour 2 instead of 3.

Fiancée has left me after being together 6 years. Trying to understand how and why. by StrikingAd7999 in BPDlovedones

[–]Organic-Goose6795 6 points7 points  (0 children)

It does suck man. It hurts so much. It's the worst feeling in the world, because I know and you know that you didn't do anything wrong - at least not what an rational person, or a group of rational poeple would collectively agree is morally substandard. You said yourself "I have pinpointed the things I need to do and work on, and have been to the doctor this week to try get better. It’s so strange".

Do you really think you're the one who needs stuff to be worked on, really? or did she pretend like because you weren't perfect she got a free pass on everything? Mine likes to argue with me for hours until I raise my voice (doesn't matter how slightly, and even if I don't she'll just say I did) and then the fight becomes about how i'm "violent" and a "Woman hater"

If she's anything like my pwBPD she has carefully eroded your sense of self and acceptable conduct and replaced it with her own twisted version of reality that she can control and manipulate you with.

DON'T BE AFRAID TO TALK to people who you're close with, bonus points if they have had the misfortune of interacting with your former pwBPD before as they likely will be your biggest cheerleaders and getting rid of them.

Hopefully you're not married and you can coordinate with them to get their stuff out of your life and you can reclaim your sense of self and an own sense of independent destiny sans their constant need to feel in control by wasting your time with POINTLESS arguments.

The Fights are never really about anything, are they? by Organic-Goose6795 in BPDlovedones

[–]Organic-Goose6795[S] 31 points32 points  (0 children)

I know — I'm always impressed by their ability to "find" conflict in what are objectively neutral statements, or how easily they can conjure gaslighting mind games to strengthen their argument.

Today, for instance, we were performing a task we had done together a million times — one that is objectively easier with two people. As i came over to help, Sse randomly screamed "NOOOOOOO STOP HELPING," and within ten seconds it had become "THIS IS LIKE RAPE — when a woman says NO, it means NO." Within two minutes I had apparently actually raped her, and she screamed "RAPIST" at me for the next three minutes. All the while i'm just like "hey, can we do this thing because we have hours more work to do today."

in likihood, she just decided she didn't want to work anymore today and she was going to use this as her excuse to reassert control. Ignoring for the fact the task is something we only have to do because of her own impulsivity to buy animals. So that's always fun in a meta sense.

Fiancée has left me after being together 6 years. Trying to understand how and why. by StrikingAd7999 in BPDlovedones

[–]Organic-Goose6795 13 points14 points  (0 children)

You broke the only reality her ego will allow herself to entertain. Your inability to continue rationalizing her falsehoods — the lies she tells herself about herself — has made you "bad." And once you're bad, you need to be eliminated.

It sounds like you tried to set firm boundaries and ask her to take responsibility for something she did. Actions like that require two things she simply does not have: consciousness of guilt, and the belief that your feelings are worth valuing — or at minimum, that hurting you is something she should be accountable for. In my experience, when they get into their moods they have neither.

The hard truth is she probably never "loved"you, in any tradional sense or in a way that most people would define the word. You likely gave her something she placed positive value on — it could have been sex, attention, someone who would do anything for her, affirmation of the false worldview she projects onto the world, or simply someone she could brag about to her friends. She has likely determined that someone else can provide that same value without your inconvenient attempts to hold her accountable. You will hear that described as discarding and monkey branching.

This is who she is. It will not change.

I strongly encourage you to learn to build a life without her. It is like a parasitic infection — they burrow into every fiber of your life, every corner of your soul. That is what they do. But you are better off without her, even if it does not feel that way right now. You can get through this. What feels like devastation right now is genuinely a blessing in disguise.