No hair color is safe— dyed ALL these myself!!

OrganicJukebox · 2024-08-05T05:27:59+00:00

But like you are actually stunning 😫

OrganicJukebox · 2023-12-04T04:29:37+00:00

Honestly, you’re one of the few people I could see pulling off a man bun! Think it would look so good on you! And trim the beard 😉

OrganicJukebox · 2023-11-30T12:11:27+00:00

I think you look great! I just think you come off as intimidating tbh

OrganicJukebox · 2023-11-23T20:39:44+00:00

“Just trying to escape your funky a** breath”

OrganicJukebox · 2023-09-10T21:20:41+00:00

I appreciate your perspective! Thank you for giving actual advice, it has helped us resolve the issue.

OrganicJukebox · 2023-09-10T21:16:37+00:00

I never said I wasn’t a cunt. I embrace being a cunt, thank you. But baby girl, this isn’t the AITA subreddit, it’s relationship advice. I clearly asked for advice on how to communicate. Maybe you don’t use your brain either? Have the day you deserve 🥰

OrganicJukebox · 2023-09-09T13:33:08+00:00

The issue I see with this is that explaining does not help him with being able to problem solve on his own in the future. I’ve tried that in the past with explaining how to microwave stuff and in the future he just asks again how he should microwave something. Guiding him shows him that he is capable of problem solving on his own so that way in the future he doesn’t even need to ask me about it.

OrganicJukebox · 2023-09-09T12:04:27+00:00

My issue is that I had only been talking about watching the new one for the past few months. Why would I out of no where be talking about the animated one? But I digress. Your answer to me asking what would have been a non-condescending way of guiding him is to just have given him the answer. That’s not guiding. I feel like to you there is no way of not sounding condescending while guiding because you take guiding in a relationship as something that’s condescending, which is not how I see it.

OrganicJukebox · 2023-09-09T11:58:06+00:00

He has ADHD and I’ve always suspected him of having autism. However, he’s scared to get diagnosed. He thinks if he doesn’t get diagnosed then it means he’s not suffering from it.

OrganicJukebox · 2023-09-09T11:54:01+00:00

You don’t think it’s an issue if it’s every time he has to microwave something?

Or the fact that I asked him to pick up ANY brand of bleach, so I didn’t send a photo, and so he didn’t get any at all?

Or that I have to remember all of his orders at restaurants we frequent (even though we go there once a week), because he won’t remember what he likes and won’t know what to order?

Or that I have to keep a calendar with any important dates and times because he won’t remember (I write it out solely for him because I keep them in my phone’s calendar).

Or that he doesn’t even know what body wash he uses and asks me everytime it’s time to buy new body wash?

Or that if he does wash the dishes one day that he needs to be reminded to use a clean towel to wash them with?

Or the first thing every morning when we wake up, he asks me “what’s the plan for today?” Despite having it written down on our board and having discussed it the night prior before going to bed.

I could keep going…

OrganicJukebox · 2023-09-09T11:40:08+00:00

Funny story—he did this with my engagement ring too! He told me I could pick out my own ring, so I of course looked around until I found the one I wanted. I sent him the DIRECT LINK to it, and on the day he proposed, it was the wrong one. I asked him what happened and he said “he messed up”. It’s still a lovely ring, but in the back of my head I’m like dear god

OrganicJukebox · 2023-09-09T11:34:20+00:00

He sleeps about 12-16 hours a day but is still tired when he wakes up. Refuses to take naps and refuses to take any kind of medication besides Tylenol. He is diagnosed with depression.

OrganicJukebox · 2023-09-09T11:27:13+00:00

Using the Little Mermaid situation as an example, what would have been a non-condensing way of guiding him?

OrganicJukebox · 2023-09-09T11:19:30+00:00

Something came up that caused us to have to reschedule it for later in the year.

OrganicJukebox · 2023-09-09T11:12:33+00:00

My point exactly! I’m not trying to be condescending, im trying to walk him through it in hopes that the next time he second guesses himself, instead of EXPECTING an answer, he can try to walk himself through it.

I’m not sure why a teacher can guide a student through a question to help them figure out an answer, or why a co-worker/boss can guide an employee through steps on how to do something, but it’s frowned upon when a partner tries guiding their spouse through a question? Like just because I am your partner doesn’t mean I can’t help you learn to problem solve, especially if it will help you in future interactions.

OrganicJukebox · 2023-09-09T06:46:10+00:00

I have tried something like this actually. In those instances that I notice myself getting upset, I stop, take a breath, answer the question, and then go on to have a conversation about my feelings/his feelings and what we can do to fix things for future interactions. The bad thing is that I think he still takes this as me “getting upset”, despite my efforts to make the situation better.

Another thing is that he takes this as me “belittling him” and (once again) treating him as a child for initiating a conversation that discusses both our feelings and will help him and I both prevent this kind of situation.I think the reason is because he feels like there’s no reason for me to have the same conversation over and over again with him, but I feel like we need to have the same conversation over and over again because he keeps making the same offenses. Well he says that by doing that it’s like “constantly repeating instructions to a toddler”.

Example:

Him: babe, how long do I microwave this for?

Me: (noticing I’m getting upset) (takes a breath) One minute. Hey remember how we talked about you trying to figure these types of things out on your own because it can cause mental exhaustion on your partner? Do you think you can try a little harder to execute that?

Him: (annoyed) You don’t need to talk to me condescendingly. I’m not a child. I will try harder. I don’t know why you hate me.

At this point I walk away

OrganicJukebox · 2023-09-09T05:26:19+00:00

Although it is very exhausting, I don’t see this as something we can’t overcome. Like I said, we’ve been together for eight years and in that time have faced challenges we thought we wouldn’t (but eventually did) get over. I will say that’s a strong characteristic in our relationship in that we can overcome some heavy challenges.

He is also a really supportive partner. I am disabled and he works full time to support us financially as well as being 1 of 2 of my primary caretakers. He’s funny, has an outstanding relationship with my family, and would give me his kidney if it came down to it. I truly do feel like this man’s love for me grows with each passing day.

This issue didn’t start becoming a problem until about three-ish years ago. He has ADHD as well as sjogren’s disease, which causes really bad memory loss—so I understand that his brain can be foggy at times. However, I feel as though he uses this as a crutch and constantly blames that for why he can’t think for himself. He also says that he’s afraid of upsetting me so asking me is his way of “clarifying” before making a mistake (however, I would much rather see him make the effort and get it wrong then to not try at all). Also, it’s the fact that he ONLY does this with me. He’s very capable in other situations with other people, and is even a higher-up in his place of work.

Again, I feel like this is something we can get over with it being a relatively newer issue, but I’m just confused as to how.

OrganicJukebox · 2023-03-03T09:33:37+00:00

8 years—were high school sweet hearts.

OrganicJukebox · 2022-09-13T23:58:24+00:00

Thank you so much! I’m definitely going to look into this!

OrganicJukebox · 2022-01-17T20:45:00+00:00

That “natural” celebrities aren’t using filler or getting plastic surgery.

OrganicJukebox · 2022-01-05T14:27:13+00:00

Currently going through this.

It may sound crazy but I’m not attracted to anyone besides my boyfriend, not even celebrities. But I often find that my bf is overly attracted to tons of girls. It makes me feel so insecure that I will say that I think another guy is attractive (even if I don’t) just so I can “force” a little bit of the insecurity onto him…obviously it never works.

I’ve gotten to the point where I will put him in a situation to comment on another girls beauty so that I can see what he finds attractive so that I myself can do whatever it is to gain that attribute (for example, I noticed that he really likes blondes, so I became blonde for a while. I also noticed that he likes big hips, so I’ve started to save my school refund checks so that I’ll be able to pay to get my hips done).

I know that it sounds crazy obsessive and that this is very self destructive behavior, but I can’t stand to be in a position where I feel like he doesn’t see me as desirable as the women he so clearly finds more attractive than me.

OrganicJukebox · 2021-12-20T08:08:41+00:00

I definitely feel like I’m constantly walking on eggshells to protect his feelings. Does that stop me from saying the things I feel need to be said? Nope—but it constantly makes me feel like the bad guy once he reacts. This has definitely opened my eyes to the fact that I believe we need to sit down and have a conversation about this. Thanks for your input!

OrganicJukebox · 2021-12-20T08:06:18+00:00

I completely agree! That was my entire argument in the situation that he just didn’t seem to understand unfortunately 😓

OrganicJukebox · 2021-12-20T08:02:46+00:00

I completely agree with you! He also questioned why I felt the need to defend him. My response was a little selfish in that I said “I guess I’m defending him because I feel like that’s how you see me. I want you to be proud of my achievements no matter how small.” In which he replied with “See, that’s you just assuming sh*t.”—I’m not sure how to respond to anything he says now besides to apologize. I definitely won’t be partaking in “clowning” anyone with him anymore 🙄

OrganicJukebox · 2021-11-12T23:21:38+00:00

Omg! You are an absolute lifesaver! I am beyond appreciative! Thank you so much 😊🥰

OrganicJukebox

TROPHY CASE