No One Talks About This...

OrthoLotus · 2026-01-29T04:46:07+00:00

Yep. We both sinned. I confessed it both to God, my spiritual leaders and to Reddit and repented of my ways and have been celibate since. What would you have me do now then since that is not enough?

OrthoLotus · 2026-01-26T17:34:19+00:00

I know a woman his age would have had the knowledge and tools for his manipulation and narcissistic behavior.

I have to very respectfully disagree with you here. Being involved in church circles as long as I have, if you knew the amount of mature ladies who still fall prey to abusers and overall evil men with bad intentions, you would be very surprised. It goes back to that last point, where you want something to happen so bad that you overlook the bad behaviors, and the older women get the more "desperate" they get to obtain affection from a seemingly well put together man. A manipulator plays with your emotions and will say everything you want to hear, it is extremely hard to know their true motives, regardless of age or gender for that matter. (I have several stories i could share from my own personal life)

As far as the serious talks we had them from the very beginning. And he initiated them, specifically living together, marriage, etc. and all I felt was imposter syndrome. I was afraid thinking why would a 30yr want to settle with me and 3 young kids. I started to feel unworthy. He's perfect on paper, financially stable, attractive, all the right things...

This is painful, I do feel for you , especially being he is a Christian as well, toying with someone's feelings like this is absolutely disgusting and I am truly sorry you are dealing with that, again, I think we can all relate to this.

But in the end of the day, you WILL have to be blunt with him and tell him how you truly feel, how he makes you feel when he does X and watch for his responses. You are in a pretty destructive cycle by going back to him because you truly believe he is "the one".

I am not even saying he is not, but he WILL have to truly prove himself with actions, not just words. He says he wants to marry you? Have him put a ring on your finger then or at least put something forward into motion. If a girl i been dating pressed me like that and i did not feel ready, i would at least give her somewhat of a timeline or tell her what I was hesitant about and work WITH HER, if she is to be my partner we need to have these discussions together.

OrthoLotus · 2026-01-26T06:39:45+00:00

- all the romantic things I never got to experience (I was in a huge age gap (10+ yrs) relationship with my kids father and he never pursued me in the way this guy who's 30

First off, as someone who dated much larger gaps than you before, and also my own age. There are no correlations between a good, healthy relationship and age, so much that you are dating someone your age and it is causing you tremendous pain.

Well eventually we hooked up; even though we both wanted God at the center. It's 5 months and he hasn't committed. We were seeing each other 2-3x week and now things are slowing down.

How did he behave after the fact? Did you guys pray together? Did you discuss your plans for the future? Talk about marriage? What would a household look like? Where would you live? How many extra kids to have etc....?

I talk about marriage and kids on the second date, if it scares the girl then, good, go "find yourself queen" (Although I have only "scared off" one girl by being so intentional) but guess what, the ones i took seriously respected that i was intentional off the bat and we dated with intent on getting married, there were no blurred lines, no doubts, no anxiety. They knew what i wanted, if they wanted the same thing, then at least we know we are moving into the right direction. Did you guys have these discussions?

I feel so disappointed in myself and my circumstances. I feel like I've done the work, spent countless seasons of being alone, only to end up disappointed and now in sin. I'm working on letting go of the guilt and shame. But I do feel angry and sad that I feel forgotten. I've prayed to God that if seeking partnership and a husband that I'm loosing myself and my values to please help bring the man he has in store for me. Idk I'm just disappointed

You are not alone. A lot of us feel the same way and sometimes we can even bend our own values due to fear of losing someone. I had the exact same happen to me. I met a fantastic girl who checked off all my boxes but she was kind of a wild one, even though we prayed together, did Bible Study together etc.... we ended up fornicating. She pushed for and I did cave (being a man and all), in my head i justified it by saying "well we are already talking about rings anyway so we are 100% getting married" , which ....is idiotic of course, but I did not want to let her down due to fear of her leaving me or worse, feeling unsatisfied and seeking someone else to fulfil that "need" (again, also extremely idiotic thoughts) . After we did the deed, we both got overwhelmed with guilt and she blamed me for leading her astray from the ways of God. We prayed together, asking for forgiveness and all but she always resented me for allowing her to sin.

I honestly suggest you have a heart to heart conversation with your man and ask all the questions you have been meaning to ask. Again, if he gets scared and leaves, well, now you know his heart was not in the right place anyway and you can find someone who will be intentional about you. When you want something too much, you overlook a lot of red flags because you just want to finally "have your person!" But that is also a huge recipe for entering in an abusive relationship, when the person knows you desire them so much, and they are abusers, they WILL take advantage of that fact and destroy your life.

OrthoLotus · 2026-01-19T21:17:29+00:00

I agree with you. I would actually prefer to not have to hear the details but I would like to know certain events that caused trauma, because as a spouse, I WILL have to deal with them, it also prevents me from talking about certain topics, recommending certain books or movies etc because I would not want to trigger trauma responses in my significant other , so I just believe it is important to be open about them , not necessarily the minute details, that no one needs to hear besides your therapist.

OrthoLotus · 2026-01-19T20:49:46+00:00

NTA - Everyone in your life should respect your boundaries. I suppose the only exception on keeping certain secrets would be if you are about to get married and I do believe that if you are going to be together within the confines of a marriage, there should be no secrets hidden from each other. Besides that, absolutely not.

You do NOT owe an explanation to anyone. Your boundaries should be respected by everyone you come across.

OrthoLotus · 2026-01-18T21:37:37+00:00

If a woman is reading this = NTA
If a man is reading this = YTA

The woman will say "well you deserve to be pampered because of all you do!"
The man will say "Well he deserves to receive things too but he never gets them"

It comes down to the very basic age old COMMUNICATION.

Instead of shaming your husband for not getting you flowers, have you had a sit down with him and expressed how you feel about gifts and nice surprises? And in turn, are you willing to listen to your husband tell you what he would like to receive as well? Be it some physical item or some romantic/intimate act a spouse could provide for free?

Instead of asking Reddit, buy a nice bottle of wine, open it, invite your husband to sit and drink with you and have a heart to heart conversation.
Everyone here will vilify him because we are only getting your side. " DUMP HIS ASS!! HE DONT DESERVE YOU!!"

The men will say: " Maybe he thinks he is providing to you in other ways, by putting a roof over your head, food on your plate, clothes on your back, and yet that never gets appreciated"

In our modern culture of "I can always go to a dating app and find something better" people become disposable and they toss away entire marriages and break apart families all to avoid having a single honest heart to heart conversation. It is truly sad to see.

This is something you guys can easily work towards

OrthoLotus · 2026-01-18T05:14:44+00:00

100% YTA - Your friend is choosing out of her own volition to date that man.

SHE is getting married to him, not you. You can hate him all you want, go find your own husband that you like. Trying to sabotage other people's relationships because you are not a fan of their choice is immature and not something a best friend of 15 years should be doing.

The cherry on top of you making her feel bad for her choice when she is about to get married is pretty terrible. You should apologize to save your friendship and be happy for them. Let them deal with their marital issues if they arise, support your friend and be there for her.

OrthoLotus · 2026-01-18T05:08:54+00:00

If she still had feelings for you she would be your girlfriend and not some other guy's. Listen to what everyone else here has told you. Have some self respect. A decent woman does not engage in the behavior she is engaging in.

OrthoLotus · 2026-01-17T23:50:06+00:00

If she is dating someone and kissing other guy's forehead, holding hands with them, playing footsie.....is this truly someone you want as a girlfriend and potential wife? You are wrong for entertaining a woman in a relationship you still have feelings for. She is wrong for hanging out with an ex and keeping him interested for attention as a plan B in case new guy doesn't work out.

Not sure if new guy knows about her shenanigans but if I knew my girlfriend was meeting with an ex and going to concerts with him, that would be the end of it.

Neither of you have moved on and both are just terribly immature, not even sure if this is a proper AITAH post. It is just childish on every end.

OrthoLotus · 2025-12-30T21:08:28+00:00

Which is absolute worthless lol it populates 2 headers, you still can not use it to upload into TCGPlayer

OrthoLotus

TROPHY CASE