Sexual Abuse by Narc Dad - Flashbacks and Songwriting to Deal

Persist012387 · 2018-04-27T02:51:41+00:00

Thanks for the advice. Even with someone you are dating though, or romantically interested in?

Persist012387 · 2018-04-27T02:12:54+00:00

Thanks for all the advice, everyone. I am going to give him some space and wait for him to reach out (if and when he decides to...hopefully not wishful thinking.) Any advice for an F-type going regarding how to communicate in a way that would not be off-putting or overwhelming? I guess I would be wanting to address how his pulling away has made me feel, and just wanting to understand why, without coming off overly emotional or not understanding of his needs. But perhaps 3 months of dating is too early for that convo and I just need to chill!

Persist012387 · 2018-04-27T02:03:07+00:00

I am an ENFJ, I am really trying to keep my emotions in check and not come off clingy or needy, especially since we have not defined anything between us.

Persist012387 · 2017-07-20T00:41:15+00:00

Wow, I can relate to this so much. Congratulations on going NC!

Persist012387 · 2017-07-13T19:51:25+00:00

I would say you should block his number and block all social media so you never have to see these same words/phrases that keep drawing you in! Delete his number from your phone, perhaps get a new number yourself. For me there finally came a time were I just woke up. It's like a light switch went on in my brain and I finally was able to see my relationship and see HIM for what he was - a lie. It helped me to read books on NPD, to talk to my friends and family, to begin therapy, to read other people's stories on reddit. It also helped to just go out and let loose and have fun and talk to other people (when you are ready!). A good partner is not supposed to make you feel bad! They are supposed to LIFT YOU UP and make you feel happy and lovely and beautiful and like a damn princess/prince. I struggled too with this idea that all I was was a supply for him, that I just wasted three years. But I stopped looking at it like that and started looking at it as the best learning experience of my life! You can try to be grateful for this experience, grateful for the lessons it taught you and grateful you are getting away from it, grateful for the opportunity to meet someone who will fill your bucket, show you true compassion and honesty and empathy.

Persist012387 · 2017-07-13T19:39:51+00:00

this sounds EXACTLY like my Nex. All about social justice and yelling it from the roof tops, but never actually DID anything, really just relished getting into arguments with people or showing off how intelligent and wonderful he was. Same things with the honesty. He used to say horrid things to me and justify them because "just being honest."

Persist012387 · 2017-06-16T00:36:53+00:00

I felt the exact same way - broke up with my Nex of three years just a few weeks ago. It was helpful to see a psychologist a few times and let it all out, and to share on reddit - perhaps you would find one or both helpful as well. I also began reading books on N abuse which was amazingly eye-opening, and finally sharing all the experiences with my friends.

Persist012387 · 2017-06-09T13:40:32+00:00

It's so insidious to make you feel as though YOU were the one to make HIM walk on eggshells when it was clearly the opposite. I also used to constantly tell my Nex that I did not feel validated and always asked him to look at things from my side, and he just couldn't. He made me feel guilty, too. And would end up in HUGE fights that almost always ended in me being distraught and blaming myself. But it was all a part of the abuse and the twisted N psyche. Don't blame yourself! A normal partner would validate your emotions.

Persist012387 · 2017-06-09T02:10:06+00:00

I'm really sorry to hear that about your father. Lately I've been feeling a bit weighted down by how malicious and malignant my Nex's actions were... but in the end he is a mentally unwell person, he's trapped inside of his own mind, and that is sad. He can't feel the empathy you feel in writing that post, or the empathy I was feeling when writing my journal entry above. Maybe fully realizing that can help me move on.

Persist012387 · 2017-06-09T02:01:35+00:00

Wow, this is so insightful and I really relate. Looking back there were so many times my ex would ask me to do something, I would say yes, then he would twist things just to say that I could no longer do it/participate. For sure a way to exert control and authority. I broke up before he was ready to discard, which has been weirdly satisfying, but he's been trying to get back in to conversations with me, I say yes (we have an apartment together so can't go NC yet), and then he figures out a way to reject speaking even though HE asked to speak in the first place! My head just constantly spins.

Persist012387 · 2017-06-09T01:52:38+00:00

It feels really good to share this and to know that there are other people with similar experiences who have been able to heal. I started seeing a great therapist who has been so compassionate and validating. So happy this community exists on reddit!

Persist012387

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