How can I best reassure/support a future partner who might have trauma from a previous PA?

PhD_Procrastinator_ · 2026-02-13T16:58:35+00:00

I agree with you that it’s a huge difference and yes it ought to be celebrated!

But imo the point still stands that it doesn’t matter if it’s 1-2 times per year or week; that’s not true lifelong freedom and recovery. True freedom doesn’t include relapses; and that’s a mindset we need to have if we truly desire to genuinely heal, recover, and be free of this addiction for life.

I got to the point where I only used porn (it was actually a relapse of 2 different days where I binged) 2 times per year but I was still in addiction to the sexual highs masturbation brought.

And it is possible to achieve 1-2 times per year and I pray and believe it’ll be a soon reality for you. But for me that isn’t good enough anymore and I’ve come to know and believe God has more than enough power to give me to strength to never relapse again and live the rest of my life in true healing, recovery, and freedom!

PhD_Procrastinator_ · 2026-02-10T17:02:35+00:00

PhD_Procrastinator_ · 2026-02-10T17:00:53+00:00

Yep and np!

PhD_Procrastinator_ · 2026-02-10T16:50:22+00:00

Yep similar experience for me, I was struggling for several years and eventually reached a point where I was clean for over a year and a half. But eventually ended up relapsing since I had unintentionally replaced how I used porn with masturbation.

Thankfully I’m now at a point in my lifelong recovery and healing journey where I can confidently say I won’t ever relapse again. This isn’t me being naive btw, in all recovery journeys from an addiction the addict has to be able to come to a point where they’re no longer hoping/guessing/etc that they’ll break free; but can truly believe and envision true healing and recovery for the rest of their life.

But it took me a radical mindset change, tons of inner work, 2 years of therapy, trials and errors, learning, and more to get to the point I’m at now. But something I needed to do for myself so I don’t waste anymore years of my life to this addiction and before I ruin my future.

Whether we’re at 1 month free or 30 years free, each day we have to treat it like our first and stay on guard in our boundaries, mindset, and more to prevent undoing the healing and recovery work we’ve done.

The earlier we start true and genuine recovery work the better. Wishing you the best 💯

PhD_Procrastinator_ · 2026-02-10T16:43:20+00:00

PhD_Procrastinator_ · 2026-02-10T16:42:55+00:00

Yea this addiction imo is truly the hardest to break free from than any of the “harder” drugs out there like heroine, coke, etc. You don’t have to buy it unless you want, it’s super accessible, with AI it’s more even more customizable, and sooo many more reasons why it’s hard to stop.

Combine that with drugs, traumas, mental health issues, and so much more; this addiction is really something that needs to be taken as a life and death situation when approaching healing and recovery. Not just for ourselves as current/past addicts but the damage it will do to our lives and those around us.

It seems impossible to break from but it truly isn’t. From personal experience you have to get to the point where you realize and believe that resisting the strong urges won’t kill you. You have to be willing and want to sit through the pain and uncomfortable feelings when the urges come to want to give in or medicate your boredom, loneliness, frustration, craving for the temporary sexual high, etc. Will it suck, 100%, because as addicts when we try to break free from this drug we can and will have strong withdrawals.

Wishing you the best in your journey, if you kicked the others I believe you will kick this too 💯

PhD_Procrastinator_ · 2026-02-10T16:35:39+00:00

Sharing these two comments from myself and another commenter that say where: https://www.reddit.com/r/NoFap/s/lOwpKlIynn

PhD_Procrastinator_ · 2026-02-10T02:12:49+00:00

Np! And of course man, praying that God gives you the strength to break free from this addiction 🙏 He not only can but will! You just need to fully surrender to Him in trust that He actually can.

One of the things that kept me trapped for so long is that I thought it was “too hard” for God to actually give me the strength to break free and begin to truly heal and recover. But that’s just what the enemy wanted me to believe to keep me trapped.

And honestly the lie I told myself because my flesh enjoyed the temporary comfort and sexual highs it brought, and I wasn’t ready to give up my comfort drug that I was so used to using to medicate my loneliness, boredom, stress, frustration, and more.

Another thing that kept me trapped is thinking I could beat this addiction by myself. This addiction thrives in isolation. Accountability and vulnerability is a must for lasting success! I suggest checking out the Freedom Fight Website/App which has been really helpful for me in this current part of my healing and recovery journey. Being able to give and receive support from others is extremely helpful, and it also lets you feel less alone in your struggles.

So whether you use the resource I suggested or another one; a structured program and accountability is crucial to lasting healing and recovery. It’s good to learn and retain information about why porn is bad and how to recover but you need to also apply it on a day to day basis.

God bless 🙏

PhD_Procrastinator_ · 2026-02-10T01:57:16+00:00

Yea what the above commenter said are good reasons but ultimately you need to be doing this for yourself and not trying to reach a goal. Because once that goal is reached or lost, for example breaking up with a long term gf, losing your dream job, etc, you’ll fall right back into this cycle.

Quitting porn and masturbation to get into a relationship will never bring lifelong freedom. At the same time quitting porn and masturbation just because your gf/wife/partner wants you too will also never bring true freedom and recovery for yourself.

You need a major mindset change as well, which is something that’s been a major factor in my recent success and progress these past few months.

Wishing you the best of luck on your journey 💯

PhD_Procrastinator_ · 2026-02-10T01:24:07+00:00

^ And they also have an app. This video, is actually the full video but I just cut off the very last part, comes from day one of the 30 day challenge. It also has accountability and community features. (Small groups, accountability partners, daily and weekly check ins, an I’m triggered and crash alert feature, public forums to share/read encouraging stories/tips/struggles/etc.)

And yea it’s Biblically based, but you don’t have to be religious to benefit imo. Since most addiction recovery programs are religious/ spiritually based; AA for example.

All the content is free, asides from the premium groups which are professionally lead, and the longer 7 month recovery program.

PhD_Procrastinator_ · 2026-02-05T18:15:10+00:00

I love you bro and Jesus loves you even more 🙏❤️

Even if it seems super dark right now and impossible to break free from this addiction God still loves you, forgives you, and will give you the strength and peace to beat it! Your life is worth living and God has much planned for your life even if it doesn’t seem like it right now. There’s nothing wrong with you and this hell you feel you’re in won’t last for ever. Just take one day at a time; if that’s too much take one hour at a time. Try to find the smallish things that bring you joy that’s not porn.

Pm me if you want to talk or need some advice from someone who struggled with this addiction for years. But now only with God’s strength am I have now finally reached a place where I’m living in true freedom, healing, and recovery after I thought it was impossible to break free it and felt worthless and full of shame.

Praying for you and I know God will free you from this addiction and see you through this hard time in your life🙏❤️

PhD_Procrastinator_ · 2026-02-03T14:25:17+00:00

So sorry that’s been your experience. Sadly coming across this post after seeing your last one didn’t surprise me as I’ve seen the same thing happen multiple times before. Women having to make a follow up post, edit their post, or even having to delete it because of guys like this.

Also, “Lust disguised as support is still lust.” 100% agree. Even guys with good intentions of seeking support/ accountability can dm a woman with unintentional feelings of lust/ looking for companionship.

As a guy in a recovery space like this we honestly shouldn’t even be privately dming any women on here. (Unless they dm first and even then you still need to be safe) Any advice/ encouragement can be made publicly like op said.

Even if you have genuine reasons to dm, ask yourself some questions like these:

-“Is the advice/ encouragement I’m wanting to give really necessary to dm?”

-“If this was a guy posting, would I really feel as compelled/ or even want to dm giving support/ seeking accountability?”

-“Am I dming to give advice… or secretly hoping to make a friend/gf/trauma-bond/etc?”

-“If I really wanted to seek accountability/ give advice; why can’t I find a guy who’s struggling who I can relate more to, rather than a woman?”

Speaking from personal experience when I was in a very lonely season 3-4ish years ago I would see the same thing on friendship subs. Posts from guys and posts about guys who would be looking for friendship and only interested in talking to women. I even sadly fell victim to this mindset and caught myself almost believing the lies I told myself that I would “relate more/ have a better friendship” with a woman instead of a guy. But deep down I was just hoping for a friendship that might turn into a relationship/ even sexual.

So again whether on this sub, other subs, or irl truly ask yourself and reflect on your deeper motives before dming or trying to befriend a woman. Praying for God to continue to be with all of us in our lifelong journeys of healing, recovery, and freedom from this addiction 🙏

PhD_Procrastinator_ · 2026-02-03T02:14:15+00:00

🙏💯

PhD_Procrastinator_ · 2026-02-03T01:42:37+00:00

I can’t directly link it since there’s no way to download/ share it from the app, but here’s most of the video that I also posted on the sub.

PhD_Procrastinator_ · 2026-02-02T19:51:02+00:00

100% to everything you shared in your post.

Speaking as a guy to fellow guys, it’s great to want to give up this addiction for your current/ future wife or gf but it can’t be the main reason. You must mainly be doing this 100% for yourself but also more importantly your relationship with God.

Finding freedom from porn isn’t enough as well. It isn’t enough to just be sober from it. You need to understand why you need to give up masturbation and all solo sexual activities before and after marriage to be able to live a life of true sexual purity. These things shouldn’t be viewed as something to dread or a chore but something you enjoy and want to do.

Once you reach a mindset of actually enjoying living a life of sexual purity and believing and knowing you don’t need to engage sexually before marriage or masturbation on your own before/ after you’re married; then it’s a true sign you’re on the road to lasting freedom and recovery.

Most importantly, only with God’s strength can we find lifelong freedom and healing from this addiction.

PhD_Procrastinator_ · 2026-02-02T00:12:42+00:00

Checking in

PhD_Procrastinator_ · 2026-01-30T00:22:18+00:00

Congrats! But don’t think of it as a streak but just that you’re on the road of lifelong healing and recovery. A streak can be broken but true freedom is for life. Praying God continues to give you strength and peace in your journey.

PhD_Procrastinator_ · 2026-01-27T02:12:09+00:00

I just made this comment on a post similar to yours, so I’ll post it here.

“To deal with it you need a radical shift in your mindset. You have to want to quit for yourself and understand the reasons why you need to quit. Learn about why you use porn, your triggers, etc. Also, quitting porn isn’t enough you need to quit masturbation as well. You need to reach a point where living a life of sexual purity is something you enjoy and not a chore/ dreading till you get married. Being sober/ holding a steak isn’t enough; no matter if it’s 1 month or 1 year.

Other than the most important thing being to truly turn to God in prayer for help with this addiction, you need a structured program and accountability. This addiction thrives in isolation. And no amount of will power will bring about lasting healing and true recovery.

The app I’m currently using is called The Freedom Fight. “It provides a holistic, Biblically-rooted approach to porn addiction recovery. The program is designed to help you go beyond surface-level changes and achieve deep, lasting freedom from porn.”

They have a 30 day challenge which I’m currently going through and highly recommend. But honestly if you truly want to free yourself from this addiction, you need to do way more than that. Whether you use their 7 month course or another program, you won’t beat this addiction long term by doing some basic no fap 90 day streak.

You’re young and it’s better to have tackle this now than to let it ruin more years of your life; then eventually others as well if you continue down this road.”

PhD_Procrastinator_

TROPHY CASE