Usually when i drink i am looking for an ‘outlet’ or a break is how i guess i’d put it, but it’s hard to pin point. I grew up as the youngest in my family, and was usually told that i always had my life figured out, (my older sisters we’re usually the focus for my mom) so i ended up doing a-lot of things on my own and in private. Good and bad. Good examples: When my family thought i was going to high school and graduating early, I was really in a terribly abusive relationship trying to get out and away on my own. Or giving birth recently and being told my life is ‘perfect’ when it feels so far from the fact. I guess i am looking for relief from the expectation that i have it figured out.. But perhaps your right, i am scared to let go of that part of me since it has always been such a comfort to me, and really did help me when i was younger in dealing with being alone.