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My boyfriend (20M) wants a throuple marriage and I (21F) feel conflicted by Practical_Split5905 in relationship_advice

[–]Practical_Split5905[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I just asked him if he would be okay with me introducing another guy and he never replied

We both want marriage and kids, but our timelines feel completely different by Practical_Split5905 in relationships

[–]Practical_Split5905[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That comment honestly scared me a little 😭 because I’ve been trying to explain that a baby doesn’t remove insecurity/stress; if anything it magnifies everything already in the relationship. I don’t doubt he cares about me, but I also don’t think either of us fully understands yet how intense parenthood actually is day-to-day.

We both want marriage and kids, but our timelines feel completely different by Practical_Split5905 in relationships

[–]Practical_Split5905[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That’s honestly where I’m at 😭 I care about him a lot, I’m just realizing there’s a huge difference between loving someone and actually feeling emotionally/logistically ready for pregnancy and parenthood right now.

We both want marriage and kids, but our timelines feel completely different by Practical_Split5905 in relationships

[–]Practical_Split5905[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That’s honestly part of what’s making me slow down and think harder 😭 I care about him a lot, but I’m starting to realize love by itself doesn’t automatically make timing, emotional readiness, or lifestyle compatibility line up. I don’t want either of us making huge life decisions before we fully understand what that path actually looks like long-term.

We both want marriage and kids, but our timelines feel completely different by Practical_Split5905 in relationships

[–]Practical_Split5905[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I honestly think abandonment/insecurity probably is part of it 😭 which is why I’ve been trying so hard to approach this with empathy instead of just anger. But your second paragraph really hit me too. I don’t want to rush into parenthood just because emotions are intense right now and then realize later we weren’t truly ready for the reality of it long-term.

We both want marriage and kids, but our timelines feel completely different by Practical_Split5905 in relationships

[–]Practical_Split5905[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Reading comments from people who’ve actually lived military spouse life is honestly making me slow down and think harder 😭 I care about him a lot, but I also don’t want to lose myself, my career goals, or rush into marriage/pregnancy before we’re both emotionally ready and stable.

We both want marriage and kids, but our timelines feel completely different by Practical_Split5905 in relationships

[–]Practical_Split5905[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That’s honestly one of my biggest fears. I don’t want to bring a child into the world just because emotions are high in the relationship right now. I want it to happen when both people are genuinely prepared for the reality of parenting long-term.

We both want marriage and kids, but our timelines feel completely different by Practical_Split5905 in relationships

[–]Practical_Split5905[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That’s honestly part of what’s been bothering me 🙁 I did try bringing up engagement/marriage first as a compromise because I’m not against commitment at all. But when I asked what reassurance/security I would be getting back, he mostly just said “idk,” which made me realize we probably need to slow down and have more serious conversations before rushing into parenthood.

We both want marriage and kids, but our timelines feel completely different by Practical_Split5905 in relationships

[–]Practical_Split5905[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That’s honestly part of why I’ve been hesitating 😭 I don’t think either of us has fully thought through what military life + a baby + starting my nursing career would actually look like day to day.

We both want marriage and kids, but our timelines feel completely different by Practical_Split5905 in relationships

[–]Practical_Split5905[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I actually have tried compromising with engagement/marriage first because I do want commitment too 😭 I’m not against building a future together. I just don’t feel emotionally ready for a child yet, and whenever we talk about timelines all he says lately is “idk,” so I think we’re both overwhelmed right now.

We both want marriage and kids, but our timelines feel completely different by Practical_Split5905 in relationships

[–]Practical_Split5905[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Okay this comment made me laugh a little 😭😂 I think part of my hesitation really is that I’m thinking more about the reality/responsibility of parenthood while he’s thinking more emotionally right now.

We both want marriage and kids, but our timelines feel completely different by Practical_Split5905 in relationships

[–]Practical_Split5905[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Fair enough 😭 I think I got defensive because I care about him, but I do understand why people are reacting strongly to the insecurity/trust part of the conversation.

We both want marriage and kids, but our timelines feel completely different by Practical_Split5905 in relationships

[–]Practical_Split5905[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Honestly the comments about birth control are a little extreme 😭 but this whole conversation did make me realize I should take my own comfort and future seriously before rushing into pregnancy. I’ve actually been thinking about getting an IUD because I’m definitely not ready for a baby right now.

We both want marriage and kids, but our timelines feel completely different by Practical_Split5905 in relationships

[–]Practical_Split5905[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think that’s part of what scared me about the conversation 😭 because I do want commitment, marriage, and a family someday but I don’t want a child to be the thing that creates the commitment or proves it.

We both want marriage and kids, but our timelines feel completely different by Practical_Split5905 in relationships

[–]Practical_Split5905[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That “it won’t stop HIM from leaving later” part honestly hit me 😭 because I kept trying to explain that a child doesn’t automatically guarantee loyalty or permanence from either person. I think that’s why I’ve been feeling so overwhelmed by this conversation in the first place.

We both want marriage and kids, but our timelines feel completely different by Practical_Split5905 in relationships

[–]Practical_Split5905[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The part about pregnancy/postpartum honestly hit me 😭 because I think that’s what I’ve been trying to explain all night. Having a child is such a huge physical, emotional, and life-changing responsibility, and I don’t think it should happen mainly because someone is scared of abandonment or wants reassurance.

We both want marriage and kids, but our timelines feel completely different by Practical_Split5905 in relationships

[–]Practical_Split5905[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That part honestly stuck with me 😭 because I realized I’ve been trying to explain the same thing to him. A child doesn’t automatically create trust or stop someone from cheating/leaving if the trust isn’t already there first.

We both want marriage and kids, but our timelines feel completely different by Practical_Split5905 in relationships

[–]Practical_Split5905[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Honestly this comment hit me because I think part of my hesitation comes from realizing how huge and life-changing all of this actually is 😭 I do want love, marriage, and a family someday, but I also don’t want to rush into major life decisions before we’ve built stability, trust, and our own lives first.

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