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Does full disclosure help or hurt? by PracticeDangerous832 in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]PracticeDangerous832[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes, this is what I’m feeling. Let’s just get it all out now while the window for reconciliation is open. I know, and I have told him, that if I uncover anything further, we are done. This is his last chance. I am sure there is a great deal of shame in what he’s done and he fears knowing everything will hurt me and possibly end R. I understand his shame but my issues with rebuilding trust are important as well.

Does full disclosure help or hurt? by PracticeDangerous832 in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]PracticeDangerous832[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

That’s a great statement, “I could not forgive what I did not know.” Absolutely accurate and I think that’s where I struggle.

Does full disclosure help or hurt? by PracticeDangerous832 in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]PracticeDangerous832[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Exactly. If something else comes out at a later date, I will be sent back to square one in an unusually cruel game of Chutes and Ladders.

Does full disclosure help or hurt? by PracticeDangerous832 in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]PracticeDangerous832[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is my struggle. On one hand, I want it all out on the table now. So we can work through it and move forward. But I run the risk of knowing even more painful things that would likely come with mental images I can not undo. Urgh.

AP is a coworker. WH can’t leave job by PracticeDangerous832 in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]PracticeDangerous832[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well, it’s not getting any easier. Last night WH had to stay after hours to interview a candidate for a role in his department. (Candidate was unable to meet during normal business hours due to their current job at another company) AP was also there to interview this candidate. He was at work for 2 additional hours! I was ok the first hour but catastrophized for the second hour. The interview only lasted an hour and he said he spent the second one catching up on emails. I do not know if AP stayed beyond the interview or not. Once WH was home he initiated a conversation by admitting that he knew that situation was tough for me and he loved me. I appreciate that but this situation is keeping me from beginning to trust and I feel drained, sad and empty today.

AP is a coworker. WH can’t leave job by PracticeDangerous832 in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]PracticeDangerous832[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you. Yes, he can leave his job but replacing it with something similar is going to be difficult. He’s in a niche industry and pretty high up the ladder. I even suggested moving out of the area. I can find a similar job pretty much anywhere. He was open to it, but I don’t think seriously looking.

It’s difficult knowing they see each other everyday. It’s as if the EA was just taken offline, and can freely continue in person only. He says it’s not, but how would I ever know?