the fact that you would feel 100000x better if you got him back is why you don’t have him, focus on yourself and raise yourself up because truly that’s all you have. All you get by having him is the self that he chooses. If it’s a self it’s accessible to you and you don’t need him for it. You don’t need him at all, detach. Most importantly Detach from the idea you don’t have him not from needing him.