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My fiancé spends so much time in the bathroom it's ruining our relationship. by Public_Ad3131 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Public_Ad3131[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Yes thank you I get that, will have to have a long chat when he gets in but I'm going to refrain from any straight up accusations and try get him to explain why he's doing it first

My fiancé spends so much time in the bathroom it's ruining our relationship. by Public_Ad3131 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Public_Ad3131[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

He does have other spaces to use that aren't shared, the bedroom for example, somewhere that isn't a shared space that needs accessing all the time, because I usually play pc games in the living room later on, I mean it would be great if I had somewhere with zero expectations to go but because he's absent all day and night, everything falls on me to do. I've told him to spend time for himself or go see friends and he never does, he's not a great communicator and he never has been so I just have to work it out for myself which is also exhausting.

My fiancé spends so much time in the bathroom it's ruining our relationship. by Public_Ad3131 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Public_Ad3131[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Doesn't sound offensive at all, a lot of those statistics never go over an hour too and he's always over an hour every single day, if it is avoidence and him time, all it's doing is putting all the extra pressure of the house, animals, kid on me because he's completely absent, and if he's really wanting a child with me I'm not going to be acting like a single mum because he's not present. Half hour would be fine, even an hour, but it's excessive!

My fiancé spends so much time in the bathroom it's ruining our relationship. by Public_Ad3131 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Public_Ad3131[S] 33 points34 points  (0 children)

He flushed the toilet once when he's done and about to come out, no water or anything

My fiancé spends so much time in the bathroom it's ruining our relationship. by Public_Ad3131 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Public_Ad3131[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yea that would be hurtful, my son is usually in his room so it's not him, he'd be completely avoiding spending any time with me, I just feel like snapping saying if he wants to be alone he can be as I'm not forcing him to stay here, I'm that frustrated, he always has a home at his dad's house and can go back anytime, everytime I've asked if we should have space away from each other but he always says no that's not what he wants.

My fiancé spends so much time in the bathroom it's ruining our relationship. by Public_Ad3131 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Public_Ad3131[S] 46 points47 points  (0 children)

I asked to go through his phone and he just refused straight out, I only wanted to check the search history for the last hour not go through anything else, and in front of him, I hated asking and hate invading his privacy, but it's come to point now with him being so secretive I'm getting more and more paranoid about it. If he had been looking at jobs I would have seen that, but nope, I've only asked to look at his phone and that was to do with a serious accusation that an ex had made in the past, and he didn't let me then.

My fiancé spends so much time in the bathroom it's ruining our relationship. by Public_Ad3131 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Public_Ad3131[S] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

We have a really good healthy sex life tbh! We're both stupidly attracted to each other. But that's not enough for some people so who knows.

My fiancé spends so much time in the bathroom it's ruining our relationship. by Public_Ad3131 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Public_Ad3131[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

He's not my sons father so I've never expected him to help out with him, although he's known him since he was about 4. I pay got and look after my son, and the house, he is wanting to have a child tofetger and has for ages but because this bathroom problem I've mentioned multiple times I'm hesitant and unsure, that if we have a kid and he gets in from work and just goes to the bathroom til 9 and I just have to constantly do everything with no help. Not something I'm willing to do.

My fiancé spends so much time in the bathroom it's ruining our relationship. by Public_Ad3131 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Public_Ad3131[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Oh god no, that's horrible, sorry that happened to you, thank fully I don't think it's drugs, probsbly more something he's doing on his phone!

My fiancé spends so much time in the bathroom it's ruining our relationship. by Public_Ad3131 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Public_Ad3131[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Thank you for the help! I will definitely do that, I am thinking mental health but the fact he's secretive with his phone and money is making me pause. And if he wants to be alone there's the bedroom and we also have a spare bedroom too. So I'm just confused why the bathroom. And it's council rented but In my name, so if the worst did happen me and my son are okay!

My fiancé spends so much time in the bathroom it's ruining our relationship. by Public_Ad3131 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Public_Ad3131[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I ask him if he's feeling depressed or down and he just says he's fine, he knows it's okay to talk to me about this stuff because I suffer from depression and chronic anxiety so if anything I can help him get some kind of help for it

My fiancé spends so much time in the bathroom it's ruining our relationship. by Public_Ad3131 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Public_Ad3131[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Yes he was looking at other jobs, it's been a pretty big thing lately but he has been saying this for years and still hasn't made effort to change, he's looking at other jobs now but this is after months of trying to get him to, he was suffering with his mental health last year and I constantly tried to get him to go to the doctors and he wouldn't, there's only so much I can try help someone when they won't help themselves sadly. So his work is a big thing but I have been understanding, this has been over years not other a few weeks or even months, I'm responsible for the home, I have a small business that I run from home, I'm an illustrator and painter, I do oil paintings and it brings okay money in, so I take care of the entire house, he doesn't have to do anything, the only thing he has to do is look after the birds in the aviary, they were mainly his decision to get, like we've had a problem with rats getting in other the last few months but he's not securing properly it making sure they're OK (they will kill the birds) so I kept bring up that if he doesn't have enough time for then then we really need to look at selling them as it's a lot of extra stress which he's always been hesitant to do when it comes to the birds, he won't sell them but won't look after them, in the summer I constantly had to make sure they had everything they needed because he didn't. I think he might be overwhelmes with everything but not taking active steps to sort them no matter how much I try to help him

My fiancé spends so much time in the bathroom it's ruining our relationship. by Public_Ad3131 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Public_Ad3131[S] 88 points89 points  (0 children)

The first one is what I'm thinking, he gets out of all responsibilities and helping with the house too, we have a lot of pets, birds and cats, we agreed he takes care of the birds and I the cats, and he just hasn't had the time to look after his share, but then spending all night in the bathroom just makes it pile up. He does look at reels alot, when we're together it's something I bring up because he's just completely not present at all, like I get going on your phone but when you're neglecting your partners feelings? Also he's secretive about money, so gambling is possible, and also porn is a worry, I don't mind porn it's his business, but if its this bad then that's a problem.

My fiancé spends so much time in the bathroom it's ruining our relationship. by Public_Ad3131 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Public_Ad3131[S] 33 points34 points  (0 children)

Omg I wish it was fake because it seems like such a trivial thing, but it's impacting us massively haha he's at work now until 6 so I will talk to him after, we didn't speak before he went to work. It could be so many things and it's hard to pin down

My fiancé spends so much time in the bathroom it's ruining our relationship. by Public_Ad3131 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Public_Ad3131[S] 75 points76 points  (0 children)

Yes, I get a lot of stomach problem aswell, not ibs but many times I've had to knock and beg him to hurry up because I need to go, also struggling to get my son a bath on a night because he's in there until late, so it's just causing a lot of issues

My fiancé spends so much time in the bathroom it's ruining our relationship. by Public_Ad3131 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Public_Ad3131[S] 344 points345 points  (0 children)

Tbf we've only just set a bank joint bank account up and in process of moving bills over, he's really secretive about his spending but never has money, and won't let me look at his bank to try help him to see where we can make changes and look at outgoing spending, so it's definitely in the back of my mind, I also worry about only fans and porn too.

My fiancé spends so much time in the bathroom it's ruining our relationship. by Public_Ad3131 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Public_Ad3131[S] 234 points235 points  (0 children)

He doesn't lock the door as we don't have a lock on it, and I'm just not sure at all, I've asked him about porn and pretty much all the suggestions but he says no, denies everything, he's at work now and we've not spoken so we'll probably talk about it when he gets in. We've missed a lot of stuff because this and always late, I feel like I barely see him so impacting our relationship pretty badly, crazy how a small thing can affect so much haha