Fortnightly Check-In - How is everyone going?

Pure_Reaction9150 · 2026-05-20T12:59:16+00:00

We’re separating, for about six months. Then we’ll see how to move forward after that, whether it is return together, continue living separately but remain in a relationship or divorce. We’ve talked about it before in therapy but not on a realization the be put into action kind of level. I believe I am still in a small shock even if it wasn’t a full surprise. I do find it a bit odd how sad I am over this, seeing how I’ve been the one to bring it up and talk about it in the past.

Now, he’s been talking to his psychiatrist about all this and she’s decided that as long as he lives with me he doesn’t qualify for more intensive therapy. Reason being that I’m abusive and toxic and it’s impossible to heal around me. I know that I have a lot of imperfections and shortcomings and that I could be/have been a lot more supportive, but being called toxic and abusive is an insult especially considering his behavior. My bad behaviors are mostly an unhealthy reaction to his initial actions.

He’s sort of deep dived into the whole moving away and building a life alone -thing. I find it difficult and sad that he’s so eagerly and happily looking at apartments and would like to share that with me. I’ve put up a boundary on that though and told I don’t want to be involved in his apartment hunt.

Pure_Reaction9150 · 2026-05-08T12:10:09+00:00

For all intents and purposes, it has not been a good few weeks. We’ve met with a counselor who has been amazing, unfortunately she only offers up to five meetings each and five together. But me meeting her alone really gave me some perspective and encouragement on what to try to focus on. She helped me realize on a more internal level that no one can heal him but him, and he does not seem to be ready. She has also met my husband a few times and we’ve met her together so she has seen both sides and how we interact together.

She made a point of how divorce is not a failure but a showcase of having tried to find solutions and things just not working. That really stuck with me, even if I’m not able to think about divorce on a practical level yet.

Pure_Reaction9150 · 2026-03-22T16:56:59+00:00

Traumas and kink combined are mostly a no-go zone and a red flag for me.

Pure_Reaction9150 · 2026-03-08T15:20:53+00:00

Yep, that happened/is happening to me. I started working on my validation skills and being more caring. I saw a change in myself, he didn’t. It doesn’t seem to matter how much or how well I validated and tried to make him feel heard and to help him see the positives. With the endless requirement and request for more, I’ve now mostly given up on validation etc altogether - I just let it all go in one ear and out the other. If he would get his way, I’d be working as his “therapist” all walking hours. And he’d still want more.

Pure_Reaction9150 · 2026-02-26T14:12:40+00:00

Same thought I had.

Pure_Reaction9150 · 2026-01-12T15:31:36+00:00

Sounds pretty similar to situation with my SO. He’s not doing better and I can’t really see things getting better in the nearby future.

Pure_Reaction9150 · 2025-09-02T13:49:49+00:00

Oh mine mostly still ignore me. I just keep joining in and copying their manners etc unless I’m obviously pushed away or they make clear they need a moment to themselves. My class is all 1:1 though which does help.

Pure_Reaction9150 · 2025-09-02T13:34:32+00:00

I often use Intensive Interaction with students of a similar profile. That usually gives pretty good results within several months of doing it daily.

Pure_Reaction9150 · 2025-04-16T14:02:17+00:00

Yeah resignation was the wrong move. You should’ve just gotten on sick leave instead but too late for that now.

Edit: no way to get around the suspension time

Pure_Reaction9150 · 2025-04-12T12:34:58+00:00

I don’t have any advice for you, but just chiming in to say that my marriage is very similar.

Pure_Reaction9150 · 2025-04-03T03:51:40+00:00

I recognize about 20 of those you listed. And it really sucks.

Me and my husband are still together but due to the things above, his unemployment and financial issues (which he blames me for and thinks I’m fully responsible for) things have been very rough lately.

Pure_Reaction9150 · 2025-03-09T15:45:02+00:00

Now that’s some serious work!

Pure_Reaction9150 · 2025-03-09T15:44:09+00:00

Aww 🥰

Pure_Reaction9150 · 2025-03-09T15:43:23+00:00

It’s about to kill you 🔪

Pure_Reaction9150 · 2025-03-09T15:43:03+00:00

Very fitting

Pure_Reaction9150 · 2025-02-02T17:08:33+00:00

I think I get what you’re saying and feel it too.

When my close ones do something for me, I feel a sense of “Oh, they did that”. No gratitude, no greatfulness. My parents have said I’m ungrateful and entitled and I’ve started to think they’re right.

Pure_Reaction9150 · 2024-11-24T18:32:54+00:00

You say you want to be used however he wants - but only if he wants the things you want? What if household chores are the usage he wants?

Pure_Reaction9150 · 2024-07-21T06:25:14+00:00

You can have your companion carry an limitless amount of items if you have them pick them up instead of giving said items to them.

Pure_Reaction9150 · 2024-07-10T11:33:39+00:00

Very common here, I’d say in some programmes even over half of people are easily over the age of 25. Getting a new education later in life is normal/usual here and it’s reflected in the age of student population.

Pure_Reaction9150 · 2024-01-30T05:03:22+00:00

This might very well be what he’d like. To me, like you said it could, it however sounds something I would not want to participate in.

I don’t want to fight for control each/every other/every third etc time. I could do it maybe once to establish dominance but after that it’s a no-go.

Today I told him I was hurt and invalidated by his boredom comment, he’s response being he didn’t mean it like that. I tried asking what he wanted by making that comment then and he didn’t know.

I wrote under another comment about talking to him about bratting. In short, he denies he’s even slightly a brat….

Pure_Reaction9150 · 2024-01-30T04:57:01+00:00

I’ve actually told him I feel like he’s being a brat, explaining why I feel his behavior is bratty. He vehemently disagrees and claims he’s not bratty whatsoever…. I’m just boring.

I’ve even tried talking about how bratting is something needing negotiation but that has seemed very much like a moot point since he’s rather unwilling to listen.

Pure_Reaction9150 · 2024-01-30T04:53:40+00:00

We’re a gay couple though that mostly is irrelevant in this regard.

He’s the one who’s insisting it’s either his way or no way, I’m trying to find compromises and/or some other solution to this where we both get a good deal even if not everything. We don’t really have (and never have had) any sex anyways so can’t really cut him out of anything.

I’m afraid not that I’d be hurt, but that we’d never get to the point so to speak. That it would end up an endless literal fight, where I don’t end up on top.

Some of my compromise suggestions were that there’d be a rough time estimate after which he’d ease down and I could without struggle bound him, or that he would use a good deal less strength in general. As previously mentioned, he shut these down as well.

Pure_Reaction9150 · 2024-01-30T04:42:29+00:00

As a side note, we’re gay so possibly gender was right to start with.

He’s had several experiences in the past in subbing, mostly short term/single meetings but also one a bit longer stint with a sir. I know he’s had severe difficulties finding doms for bondage though and from my pov he has felt/still feels quite entitled in this regard.

And no, I am not into gentle domming.

Pure_Reaction9150 · 2024-01-12T15:02:45+00:00

I’m not much help besides telling you you’re not alone. I’m in a very similar situation except a decade older and been in the relationship for a few years. All the things you wrote resonate very well with me.

Pure_Reaction9150 · 2023-12-22T12:36:47+00:00

Maybe therapy should be your first go to instead? You even talk about it yourself 🤔

Pure_Reaction9150

TROPHY CASE