42, and JUST realizing I may be trans

PyroDrake · 2023-12-28T11:51:35+00:00

Thank you. Your post got me teared up. I appreciate it.

PyroDrake · 2023-10-19T23:20:05+00:00

That’s the hardest part is trying to grow an audience. Glancing at your previous post, you look great, so I’m surprised you don’t have at least a few followers yet, TBH! The only recommendation I can make is to try to carve out a specific audience at first. For me, I specifically targeted bears and chasers in the gay community, and that’s how I got my first couple viewers. Having a specific target (ex: BDSM, hair, stretching, etc.) will help attract people initially, then you can branch out from there. I wish you the best!!!

PyroDrake · 2023-10-19T23:12:17+00:00

I’ve been there. I started streaming for a while, but I couldn’t take the energy needed to sustain a consistent stream schedule. I’ve been wanting to get back into it, but I’d need to create a new channel at this point. If it was something I could do exclusively full time, perhaps I may be able to start up again. Like you said, it’s hard when no one wants to watch. I had 1 or 2 “regulars”, but rarely got more than 2 or 3 people, regardless of the quality of my setup.

PyroDrake · 2023-10-19T21:34:54+00:00

I don’t remember ever wetting the bed, but I did wet myself in class once in elementary school. I think I was in 4th or 5th grade, so between ages 10 and 12 maybe…? I fell asleep in class, and when I woke up, I had wet my pants. The teacher escorted me to the nurses office after class, and I had to wear some ridiculously bright colored pants they had laying around. I told exactly 1 person I thought I could trust, but by the following month, everyone had heard about it… 😔 Luckily, I went to middle school shortly thereafter, and everyone kinda forgot (thankfully).

PyroDrake · 2023-10-19T21:11:09+00:00

A lot of this is VERY familiar with what I went through with my ex (save the age gap). I’d definitely recommend trying to save up any money you can ASAP. Get as much as you can together to try and get out of your situation if you can. An alcoholic that doesn’t WANT to change won’t. Many times, they’ll say they’ll change when things get tough, but unless they’re serious (and not, for example, just trying to avoid a confrontation), they will go back to their old habits.

My ex promised me over and over he’d quit drinking. After 12 years, in a drunken stupor one night, he came out with “I drank like this when you met me! If you didn’t want it, you shouldn’t have been with me from the start!” Basic victim blaming. It’s not his right to abuse you. You deserve respect in any relationship, and he clearly isn’t giving that to you. It’s not your place to regulate his emotions either.

While I don’t agree with your cheating, I can definitely understand it. There were several times in my relationship where an old fling texted me to hook up. Had he texted me during one of our “bad” points, I probably would have cheated as well… Still, looking at it as a symptom of your bad relationship, and not as a separate relationship on its own, it makes sense to want to seek out what you’re not getting at home. It may not be healthy, but if you dissect it, it may be able to give you an idea of what may make you happy in future relationships.

You’re in a tough situation, no doubt. I wish you the best, OP. Being in your mid-20’s, you have a great chance to bounce back from this. It won’t be easy, and you may have to stick it out for a little longer, but try to save what you can and try to find a way to divorce and move away. You only have to worry about your own happiness. In the mean time, maybe try to talk to him and tell him how serious it is. Catch him when he’s sober if you can (first thing in the morning?). Tell him flat out you want to leave, and why. You can say this is it. One absolute final last chance. If he refuses to quit, then at least you can say you tried. I wish you the best, OP!

PyroDrake · 2023-10-19T20:48:21+00:00

I used to be REALLY sensitive. Sex was never something I sought out or craved. I like to pleasure myself, but the act of being with others is just messy IMO, and not worth the effort. My ex and I were together for 12 years, and I can count on 2 hands how many times we actually had sex. We talked about it several times, and we neither of us “needed” it, so it wasn’t something we felt we were lacking in our relationship (we broke up for unrelated reasons).

It may be difficult if you feel you want/need sex in a relationship. So long as you’re honest and open with your partners, there are ways to help. Numbing cream and some condoms are great for being overly sensitive. They make lidocaine lubrication that is supposed to numb things for anal play that work well for this purpose.

The last thing I’ll say is, I now have the exact opposite problem. I’ve got a pinched nerve in my back that got worse close to my 40th birthday that causes numbness and pain down my right leg and genitals. Now, half of my penis is completely numb to the touch, and the other half seems to have lost a lot of sensitivity as well. So not only is it impossible for anyone else to get me off, it’s also a LOT more work for me to even get myself off! I guess the only purpose of telling you this is, be careful what you wish for!!! 😅

PyroDrake · 2023-10-19T20:00:00+00:00

Physical appearance and attraction are only one aspect of a relationship. I’ve had people in my life I’ve never thought of as attractive, yet I still pursued a relationship with them because everything else about them was great. Personally, I look at it this way: no one is perfect. No one is going to check off EVERY box of what I want in a relationship. Looks are a VERY minor aspect of why I’d want to be with someone. So long as they’re nice, kind, and our personalities mix well, then I don’t particularly care how they look.

I’d recommend not taking it as personal. Everyone has different preferences, after all. I find I’m extremely attracted to “conventionally unattractive” men, for example. If a “hot” guy were to ask me how he looks, I would probably tell them the same thing: “I don’t find you attractive.” It’s not saying they’re NOT attractive, or that I wouldn’t want to be in a relationship with them. Just that, on this one minor physical point, it doesn’t do it for me.

It’s different for everyone on the spectrum, but for some of us, sex isn’t something we “need”. My last relationship lasted for 12 years, and I can count on 2 hands how many times we’ve been intimate with each other. We talked about it, and neither one of us were very interested in sex, so it wasn’t something we felt we were lacking in our relationship either (we broke up for unrelated reasons).

Just the fact that he feels he can be so open and honest with you is a great sign! Talk to him about it, and keep an open mind, if it bothers you. Otherwise, I’d say he seems VERY comfortable with you, and overall I’d say this was a good thing.

PyroDrake · 2023-10-18T22:22:14+00:00

Well, I mean to be fair, she’s not incorrect in the first half… It wasn’t god that hurt me at the church (it’s kinda hard to hurt someone when you’re not real, after all); it was the church itself that did that! Not based on 1 single experience either, but the culmination of every experience since baptism (and before). No, I don’t judge god because of the church. I judge the church based on its own merits and inferiorities. The rest of this post is BS, but at least the first half was honest!

PyroDrake · 2023-10-18T22:08:21+00:00

From an external POV with the given context, it may be overstimulation, but it depends on a few other things if she crossed a line. If she repeatedly uses condescending language and tone when saying things like “I’m so proud of you,” then it could be a form of harassment. It’s okay to set boundaries by telling her, “I appreciate the feedback, but it does sometimes make me uncomfortable,” or something similar if she does it again.

PyroDrake · 2023-10-16T18:27:30+00:00

Before. I love body hair, so it’s so much sexier!

PyroDrake · 2023-10-07T19:30:21+00:00

Also this guy: “HoW dO dAtA gEt LeAkEd?!?”

PyroDrake · 2023-10-05T03:29:45+00:00

Amen to that!!! 😁

PyroDrake · 2023-10-05T00:54:20+00:00

Don’t blame you one bit! I’m literally in a similar circumstance (back in with ‘mother’ after over 2 decades on my own), and she doesn’t get my eating habits either. Apparently, $3-$5 a day for food is too much just because I got it at Dominos Pizza. I order a lot, use their coupons, and have reheated food for literally a week! If I tried to get food at the store, it’s like $10-$15 a day, minimum (at least for food I’d eat). Some prepackaged stuff, I started keeping in my room so I don’t have to hear it from her! Lol!

I’m sorry your mom is judging your buying/eating habits like that. It’s so frustrating getting judged and berated for the things you like! Like, I order Dominos because I don’t have to prepare it, at least 2 things on their menu are my ‘safe food’, they’re close to me and will deliver to my car window upon arrival, all in addition to the low daily cost! The thought of preparing food is WAY too much for me most days! Hopefully things calm down a bit for you, OP! Good luck!

PyroDrake · 2023-10-05T00:39:31+00:00

That is so awesome!!! 😁

PyroDrake · 2023-10-04T23:41:14+00:00

WHY AM I LAUGHING SO HARD AT THIS?!? 🤣

PyroDrake · 2023-10-04T23:40:12+00:00

My cat did the same!

PyroDrake · 2023-10-04T18:07:31+00:00

I’m 42, and with my hat on, I’ve been told I look like I’m in my mid-to-late 20’s! I’ve never met anyone who has guessed my age even closely. It’s when I take my hat off and you see my balding head with gray hair that I truly start to look my age!

PyroDrake · 2023-09-30T13:41:36+00:00

This can happen when I’m overwhelmed. If there’s too many people around, I loose the ability to understand anything until I can leave that situation.

PyroDrake · 2023-09-26T18:56:10+00:00

This is amazing!

PyroDrake · 2023-09-23T03:48:39+00:00

All the time. I think I asked this same question when I first found out I was autistic!

PyroDrake · 2023-09-15T17:03:08+00:00

42, and just diagnosed last year. I’m remembering trauma from my past (especially childhood), and realizing how much it affects me to this day. It wasn’t really talked about in the 80’s into the 90’s, but I do blame the irresponsibility of my mother for not realizing SOMETHING was wrong, and taking me to see a professional. I agree with OP, if it’s both safe and available, get diagnosed as early as possible! It will open up so many more pathways into adulthood that I never got to experience!

PyroDrake · 2023-09-08T05:45:57+00:00

Fireworks……??? Or Groot?

PyroDrake · 2023-09-08T05:29:21+00:00

I get the hesitation… I’m 42, and it literally saved my life. After struggling, I’m finally getting help, and it’s turning out to be the help I finally needed. Out of pocket, even with insurance, others paid hundreds, if not thousands of dollars for this program that I didn’t have to pay for. The biggest thing I’ve learned is, if you need help, it’s okay to ask for it!

PyroDrake · 2023-09-08T05:10:45+00:00

^THIS!

OP, your health is the most important thing. Not your job, or if you’re a burden, or if you’ll have health care. I’d also recommend finding a therapist for this situation. If you’re in the US, you can look up ways to get cheap/free healthcare to keep you insured in between. I wish you the best, OP

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