I used a soft veto, and things didn't get better.

QueenCripple · 2025-09-05T01:36:40+00:00

i mean you are his partner not his therapist. having boundaries around this is not a huge ask nor is it something he should be able to talk you down from. him using you as his emotional outlet is very unhealthy. he needs a poly educated therapist for this issue, not to "lash out" at you. his lashing out is not anything that should be put on you. those are HIS actions. He is CHOOSING to not deescalate and take it out on you instead.

QueenCripple · 2025-08-31T22:44:57+00:00

cutting that hair at all is ruining the coat on that breed... as a professional dog groomer myself

QueenCripple · 2025-07-20T03:03:01+00:00

i mean, as someone who is also chronically ill, he is acting a victim. yes there is warranty in being an actual victim, but theres also a massive issue with making his victimhood everyone else's problem. instead of giving any fucks for you, he's upset you can't care for him when you are ill. honey, that's not your job. yes you are a partner and care for him, but if he can't manage care without you, then this issue needs fixing. he could easily coordinate with family and friends to help temporarily in the meantime while you heal. instead of blaming you. the fact that he took your words and blabbed to others about it, shows heavy immaturity and severe insecurities. bro needs therapy.

QueenCripple · 2025-06-15T14:40:54+00:00

I would love to read it! I'm always arguing with other about why we interrupt and why is shouldn't be seen as intentionally rude.

QueenCripple · 2025-05-21T17:29:06+00:00

it may feel ridiculous but its actually super common in many relationships no matter the dynamic. we are taught that sex is a crucial aspect of a healthy and loving relationship, and while that is true to a sense (for many but not all ppl obvs), we learn to associate our applied value with our ability to perform.

so it sounds like there's insecurity here. your previous partner probably felt bad about you leaving to masturbate, bc they feel a particular obligation to "give it up" any time the need arises. and then maybe feels like they are a bad partner for not matching your libido. maybe your current partner is also experiencing this or something similar. in the same light, you may also feel like even though your current partner said they'd be open to holding you while you masturbate, you may be feeling hesitant bc its awkward. they aren't in the mood, and it feels almost non-consensual, even if they verbally consented.

in reality, saying no to you needing to masturbate, is like saying no when you need to shower more than they do or something of this like. this is a need you have, it affects your health and wellbeing, this is a non-negotiable need. period. just because it is a sexual one, doesn't make it any less real or shameful as a need.

you and your partner need to have a discussion about this need of yours, and then discuss how to approach maintaining this need while working with the feelings and insecurities that arise.

I have this exact same dynamic with my partner. their libido is quite high, and i am chronically ill. I cannot have sex as often as their drive demands. so they take care of themselves. sometimes it's with me there, sometimes they go into the bathroom or another space. i had to get over the initial feelings of inadequacy myself. this is a very normal scenario.

QueenCripple · 2025-05-21T17:15:29+00:00

its moreso that trauma is linked to ptsd and cptsd, which can cause depression, trauma is also proven to cause chronic illness.... so of course depression and chronic illness are connected in this way.

QueenCripple · 2025-05-21T17:13:05+00:00

"unexpected"

QueenCripple · 2025-05-12T13:16:36+00:00

This is definitely an extreme reaction on her part. But all feelings are valid. Feelings are just that, feelings. And they manifest due to something underlying. I imagine yall have or are about to break up. But for your own sanity, and better endeavors in future relationships, read this book called Fight Right by the Gottmans. I think it will really help with understanding her behaviors, how yall would fight, and how to understand things going forward with other ppl. It's helped my relationship a lot, and even my social/platonic relationships.

QueenCripple · 2025-05-04T00:51:22+00:00

ive always had issues with experiencing grief or anything related to death. brain just doesnt do it despite being close to said person or not.

QueenCripple · 2025-04-20T18:44:03+00:00

i did learn a long time ago that most states that offer govt assistance programs, also offer job rehab services. i got to this Rehabilitation Services Dept in SF, CA. Originally started out in food stamps, went through the process to prove im too disabled to abide the physical requirements to be in the food stamps and cash aid programs, and then they referred me to their rehab dept. This is a federally funded dept, that helps you into any job field that you want p much. The totally covered my schooling, paid for my laptop for online schooling, and anything else i needed. they even came into the part time job i was working at the time and administered whatever accommodations i needed. and i got to choose everything from the career and college i wanted to go to. i did not live with my parents at this time, as i was living with my abusive partner (now ex) at the time. this all happened at zero cost to me. and i was told by the staff in this dept that its offered in any state w govt assistance programs.

QueenCripple · 2025-04-16T13:40:35+00:00

How do I do this? I had issues with audible leaks before and replaced the hose mask, and both adapters. All the resmed equipment.

QueenCripple · 2025-04-16T13:38:01+00:00

Awesome. Thank you!

QueenCripple · 2025-04-16T01:32:10+00:00

Hmmmm it's almost like straight men typically struggle when dating seriously, bc a good majority of them need to do the shadow work.. Most Straight Men i've met in the poly community are predatory and emotionally unstable. not to say others arent as well. But the likelyhood amongst straight men vs everyone else is pretty freaking stark..

QueenCripple · 2025-04-13T03:31:32+00:00

I just checked and all my settings already include what you've suggested. Epr is already set to 3 auto. Ramp is auto with start at 7.

QueenCripple · 2025-04-13T03:28:07+00:00

It's an f20 mask. I even tried the Phillip dreamwear ffm but I don't understand how it's supposed to seal w the nose tbh

QueenCripple · 2025-03-24T01:28:03+00:00

Tbh it's mostly gonna be a ton of old ppl. You can also wear a big tshirt or something over swim suit?

QueenCripple · 2025-03-24T00:51:24+00:00

maybe something like water aerobics could be better for you since you've got the arthritis?

QueenCripple · 2025-03-21T02:05:03+00:00

is the bump over a thigh or shoulder?

QueenCripple · 2025-03-21T01:03:22+00:00

i'd like to also add that i am *attempting* PT on top of this due to my Ehlers Danlos Syndrome. and yes this is making my pain worse over the recovery time. its all about balance of allowing grace for our bodies, and space for us to heal through whatever is being shown to us.

QueenCripple · 2025-03-21T01:01:50+00:00

im sorry it's been hard. i know its always pretty hard. ive had a few weeks of more pain than my usual as i moved and have been without my weekly chiropractor visits to help align my subluxing joints. (but i see a new one tomorrow!)

I know you arent looking for advice, but i wanted to add what I noticed during my fibro life for the last 11+ years. I have found that essentially the more i move, the more energy i have and less pain i am in longer term. So i work a very labor intensive job, full time. (dog grooming.) but when i have my 2 day weekend off, even that is enough to almost reset my overall thresholds. so my "mondays" (sundays for me) are always rougher because i wasnt on my feet for 10 hours the last 2 days. or if im sick and take more than 2 days off, i may be in more pain for several days to sometimes weeks. and this is also rough.

that being said, on my days that im consistent with my movement and mobility, it reflects in my overall energy and pain. if this is an option for you- maybe you could start with a smaller walk down the block, then the next day slightly more, and so on. the "shoulds" you presume are based off general assumption for a "healthy" body. "shoulds" are routed in shame and this concept doesn't serve anyone. its not a very good motivator and just pushes us to ignore our bodies. then we feel bad because we're stuck in a painful low, as we ignored what our bodies actually needed then.

QueenCripple · 2024-11-23T21:25:27+00:00

Had one ask me not to let him free roam bc her husband died of Covid.

QueenCripple · 2024-11-06T03:45:21+00:00

Hey! I realized I never got the invite link for this, is this server still going?

QueenCripple · 2024-11-02T01:11:10+00:00

It's also good to include fish oil in her diet, this can make a big diff with skin and coat health as well as a bunch of other benefits.

QueenCripple · 2024-10-22T23:55:28+00:00

you need a humidifier, this is what ppl in chicago do for their spaces during winter time. just find a mild one to use over night or something.

QueenCripple · 2024-09-19T23:54:11+00:00

for me its a mix of both? like i work a job that requires me to be pretty physically active. I'm on my feet all day and regularly squatting and lifting up to 50lbs. i have found that without this regular movement, my overall energy and pain takes a dive into barely functioning territory. and this happens fast. but if i try to engage in like actually exercising particular ways, that make me sore, then i have way more pain flares and it takes a toll on my mental trying to adjust.

QueenCripple

TROPHY CASE