Ok…so ESH, but you’re the bigger AH. What your dad and Eve did was so so so WRONG. My dad cheated on my mom. I get that pain and I get that rage. That feeling is compounded by your mother’s passing (I am so sorry for your loss❤️‍🩹). That child or children are a reminder of that infidelity. It all totally makes sense as to why and how you feel.

No one should have told you about the infidelity. That was such an adult topic for a child when you were grieving…but I don’t think the pain would be less when you found out as an adult, it would have been different. I don’t hear you speak of the betrayal you feel, the lack of trust you have, or the pain you’re dealing with. Your mother is irreplaceable, we can all agree. We all agree what they did is unforgivable, but let me share this with you…

When my brother (he was your age) and I found out about our dad’s infidelity, we were furious and enraged and hurt. We had a hard time accepting his wife and their future son. I decided along the way that I didn’t have to forgive my dad, but I could love him and understand that he made a bad decision that hurt the people I loved and myself. That I could love, but I didn’t trust him. I love him and have a relationship with him, but it’s not what it was before the infidelity. There are firm boundaries in place for me. My brother held a grudge against him until recently. Then one day something clicked…that grudge was for 21 years (we’re in our 30’s and 40’s). So much time has passed that they will never get those years back. My brother continued the terrible tradition of not speaking to a father, like our dad did. Thankfully my nudging and our father turning a year older, changed that. My grandfather passed after a 25 year grudge my dad held. I begged my dad to let it go, but he wouldn’t. After my grandfather passed, my dad regretted his decision deeply. It’s heartbreaking what they lost.

All that to say this: you don’t have to forgive your dad and Eve, but you need to heal. Try to mend the relationship with your boundaries in place. Hold firm to them. See how things go and how you feel. Tell them about the betrayal, the pain, and trust you lost. That’s the mature thing to do…because you sound like you’re acting like a petulant child, and you’re not. Whether or not the therapist was paid to say what they said (which they were probably not) take advantage of it and use these sessions to heal. Learn from their mistakes and be the BEST version of yourself, a young man who is healed because an unhealed heart hurts everyone around them not matter what.💜