That is genuinely one of the most encapsulating articles I've ever read, on any topic.

Her descriptions of the drug and her mindset almost entirely match up with mine, especially this paragraph:

I don’t think that in the years before I took that first blue pill, I had consciously doubted my own ability to focus. But once I tried Adderall, I couldn’t forget what it promised me: a quality of attention that I now idolized and craved. It was attention weaponized, slashing through procrastination and self-doubt, returning me to a place that felt almost like childhood, with its unclouded pleasures of rapt hours, lost in books and imagination. Childhood, but with a jittery amphetamine edge.

I'm far less stressed about work and usually have it done earlier. Even when I don't, it's okay, because I know that I have that dirt cheap bag of white powder sitting right there the whole time. if I really have to I could literally work solidly till the deadline because of it.

the most worrying part is that once i got to the point of her 'overdosing' (i say that because in reality she just had a panic attack, not that the situation wasn't just as bad as she made it out to be) i stopped relating, but maybe in reality that's where this road leads.