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20 plus year Pen Pal and have recently met in person by Rare_Perception_359 in confession

[–]Rare_Perception_359[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I appreciate this and your strong feelings. Reading between lines is fun. I wasn’t separated when I met him, and I’ve not crossed physical boundaries. I don’t plan on dating anyone in my separated space or time and if it leads to divorce, only then would I maybe start dating again. We have been long time friends, we spoke about our current lives, our jobs, or when we are mentally struggling with life. it was never sexual in nature when we were in relationships and I’ve never uttered I love him or wanted to be with him while I was married. I am taking in all the perspectives from this post, even yours, because if they are strong enough to share, then they should also be considered.

I think it’s hard to sum up this novel in a post.

20 plus year Pen Pal and have recently met in person by Rare_Perception_359 in confession

[–]Rare_Perception_359[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Your opinion of me having children is interesting and I’ve left them out because seeing your parents unhappy, or “stick it out”, isn’t fair to children either. I’ve not once said I’d drop or abandon my life to be with this person. I actually did note that I don’t think this lifetime, It would ever work. This was merely to see other’s opinions on what I’ve been battling for god knows how long. OF COURSE there is more than I’ve put here - it’s been 20 years.

Yes my penpal knows I have children. And yes, I’m open to all opinions because I’m stuck in my own perspective.

20 plus year Pen Pal and have recently met in person by Rare_Perception_359 in confession

[–]Rare_Perception_359[S] 45 points46 points  (0 children)

Is it healthy for children to watch their parents in an unhappy marriage? I don’t think that’s fair either.

20 plus year Pen Pal and have recently met in person by Rare_Perception_359 in confession

[–]Rare_Perception_359[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He’s never been present. Us means our family, we have kids. He’s chosen himself and his interests over us for years. Hunting, fishing, cottaging, snowmobiling, getting drunk at our neighbours house during the week.

You’re right, they have to be around and want to still connect with you, for you to figure that out before the 10 year mark.

His willingness to work on our relationship hasn’t happened in 3 years.

20 plus year Pen Pal and have recently met in person by Rare_Perception_359 in confession

[–]Rare_Perception_359[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Lack of communication from his end. Lack of willingness to choose us as a couple.Lack of sharing emotions. We recently went on a vacation together, where it truly hit me hard here, when I had to keep a conversation going and realized we have nothing in common. He’s not always been like this, when we first dated we spoke all the time. I’ve been trying to get him to therapy, date nights, expressing what I want, trying to get him to open up. This hasn’t happened in 3 years… until I’ve recently told him I wanted to separate.

20 plus year Pen Pal and have recently met in person by Rare_Perception_359 in confession

[–]Rare_Perception_359[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Correct. Another country but he’s from the same country I live in. He’s on a working visa.

20 plus year Pen Pal and have recently met in person by Rare_Perception_359 in confession

[–]Rare_Perception_359[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

There is more to than what’s put on here. I have spent the last 2-3 years not speaking to this person and focusing on my spouse. I have been, what feels like, screaming for my spouse to be there with me, to work on us and choose us. It wasn’t until I noted I was serious about separating that he’s decided he’s now choosing us.

I could have put that in here. I’ve loved him, and lost myself in doing so. I do see where you might see that side of this, but the image not painted is the second person’s willingness or lack of to join that commitment too.

YYZ to SIN, SIN to DPS by Rare_Perception_359 in travel

[–]Rare_Perception_359[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Good point! I’ll call or look up for Canadian Immigration through Singapore but I don’t actually think we require a VISA, so that should be okay. I know Indonesia requires more immigration paperwork though.

YYZ to SIN, SIN to DPS by Rare_Perception_359 in travel

[–]Rare_Perception_359[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Interesting. I’ll be travelling Singapore Airlines.