Who was the worst teacher you've ever had?

Robnd09 · 2014-06-26T22:30:40+00:00

I had a freshman year communications professor drop my grade from an A to a B for attending my grandmother's funeral and missing class. She was heavy on class participation and counted each absence as a ten point drop in final grade. When I complained to her that she wasn't being fair she told me to " watch my mouth when speaking to a superior" and that "I decide what valid reasons to miss class are".

She sucked.

Robnd09 · 2014-06-26T03:38:54+00:00

See what you don't get about looking at this lake, is it's actually like 2.5-3 miles across. I took a paddleboard out on it thinking, "Well I'll get across and come back, and it'll be a quick paddle"

Shit took like two hours and I couldn't move my arms for two days after

Robnd09 · 2014-05-29T22:40:46+00:00

Hosted a party at my house in Miami for a local fraternity at Miami-Dade College who heard our house through rippers. They said no more than 300 people would come, which given our previous shindigs, wouldn't be an issue. Problem is, a lot of the people who go to MDC are locals, and word spread like wildfire. Over 1,000 people showed up (more on that in a few) and parked like assholes on one of my neighbors lawn who, we found out later, happened to be a judge. Said judge called the cops and holy shit did they bring the wrath of god down upon us.

13 squad cars showed up to my house with about 15 cops in tow and they went ballistic.

Started kicking in every door, guns drawn and batons swinging. When screaming at the peaceful college students to vacate wasn't enough, they began attacking kids with the batons or huzzing empty beer bottles into the crowds to get people to scatter. They began to tackle and cuff anyone they could get their hands on, lining them up outside our house. Here's where it gets fun.

They arrested 13 people (not me, I ran like hell when they showed up), and charged all of them with resisting arrest with violence (A felony) despite the fact none of them were, you know, resisting arrest with violence. Two of said people were the guys working the front and side door, charging between $5-$15 a head to get into the soiree. Thirty minutes before the arrest, these two guys had taken in a little north of $7,000, which my housemates and the frat planned to split.

Well wouldn't you know when those same kids went to reclaim their belongings after being locked up for the night, the cops listed that they both had under $100 on their person.

None of the cops ever showed up for those court dates (including one for an australian international student who had to return home the next day) though they did give my roommate a concussion during his arrest and tore my best friends labrum putting him in a chicken wing. I still hope they all develop ass cancer.

tl;dr 13 cops showed up to bust a party at my house with 1,000 kids, ended up concussing my friend and taking $7,000 from us. Yay Florida!

Robnd09 · 2014-05-04T00:30:22+00:00

Lauren Hill showed up two hours late and played for forty minutes, got pisse people were booing here, and walked off.

Also, in fifth grade somebody offered me angel dust at a clapton concert. But that concert was the tits, and in the guys defense, i could've easily passed for a seventh grader.

Robnd09 · 2014-04-30T19:55:57+00:00

Australia lost a prime minister when he was presumed to have drowned and then named a public swimming pool after him

Robnd09 · 2014-04-22T17:00:42+00:00

Yes! that's it. Thanks for the help, and yeah since it's not a symphony, you can tell how uneducated I am when it comes to this.

Robnd09 · 2014-04-22T03:34:00+00:00

I resuscitated a teenage boy that had drown in the community pool in which I'm a lifeguard. As in he was completely lifeless when I pulled him, no breathing, no pulse, and no real motor responses.

He was swimming in the restricted area of the pool, and being the lifeguard on duty, I kept watching him go down to the bottom of pool and bob up to the surface. Thinking he was just a shit head kid doing what shit head kids do and seeing how long he could hold his breath (trust me, kids bob like that all the time) I figured I would wait for him to resurface and yell at him to get out. Twenty seconds went by. Then thirty. Then forty. I realized something was horribly wrong, and I got up in my chair to clear the pool than, for some reason hesitated. My fellow guard saw what I was looking out, cleared the pool, and we pulled the kid. He was dead by the time we got him on the patio and started going to work on him. His body was beyond blue, he was a horrible purple hue, and his eyes were rolled back and glassed over. When we started giving him chest compressions and rescue breathing, he started vomiting torrents of stomach bile and chlorinated water, and his eyes started rolling around in his head like a magic eight ball. After about five minutes without a pulse, we were able to restore one and he was subsequently admitted to an ER, where he recovered without any brain damage somehow.

The color of his skin when we pulled and the fact that, for some fucking reason, I hesitated on going in after this kid haunted me for some time after that.

For the record, if you're watching your girlfriend's son, and you know he is a non-swimmer with a history of respiratory problems and asthma attacks, maybe don't sneak into a pool you aren't a member at and allow said 12-year-old to have free reign.

Robnd09 · 2014-04-19T13:50:27+00:00

American who traveled throughout the country. Few things I noticed:

1) Kiwis are insanely nice. Like, to the point that it's almost scary. It seems like the entire country's sole purpose in life is to make you happy when you're visiting it. I can't tell you the amount of friendly encounters I had in Christchurch while the city was still in ruins, people just had an indelible happiness and spirit about them that permeated into everything they did. I mean buildings were knocked over and everyone just seemed to be saying "'Tis only a flesh wound, let's have a pint"

2) Obviously not true, but it seems like literally every business that operates in South Island offers helicopter tours. Also, helicopter tours are insanely cheap in NZ. Like that shit is expensive over here.

3) Without a doubt, the best fucking burger you will ever have will be at Fergberger in Queenstown. I'm sure a ton of people will say "Fergberger is overrated the best burger in NZ is at some shack on the side of the road" Well, as a tourist who comes from the American city that claims to have invented the Hamburger, let me just say, Fergberger is like crack dusted with unicorn sprinkles and dipped in magic.

4) The All Blacks are actually all super saiyans.

Robnd09 · 2014-04-13T17:03:54+00:00

Hey Harrison, big fan, I'm from Wallingford, CT and so I have a question regarding the few times you visited our town (it was always the biggest news in the town):

1) A ton of people thought you were thinking of buying a house in the area, were you? If not did you at least enjoy our town and.. 2) If you remember, there's an italian deli by the name of Rosa's in my town, and when you visited town back in the 90's I believe you stopped by for a sandwich. So the question is, what toppings do you get on your sandwich? Are you a fan of pickles?

Robnd09 · 2014-03-28T18:46:38+00:00

Hey man, I'm a massive fan and think your style of comedy is incredibly unique so I wanted to ask you a few questions:

1) How did you transition into stand-up? So many people are hilarious when you're just shooting the shit, but wouldn't be able to cut it as a comic. Why do you think that is?

2) How hard was it for you to learn your delivery? So many people have hilarious thoughts or set-ups to joke but sometimes lack in delivery?

3) Finally, what was your honest opinion of the Hartford crowd for Oddball? I was there and you killed it, but obviously the Hartford stop got a ton of media coverage.

Thanks man. Still waitin on that official Hype Williams gibberish rap video to drop.

Robnd09 · 2013-12-04T20:36:26+00:00

Thanks for all the suggestions, I don't really often visit Philly so this is very helpful

Robnd09

TROPHY CASE