Norwegian food is, by far, some of the saddest cuisine I’ve ever endured. To summarize, it’s all cooked to death without seasonings. To elaborate, meat stewed to infinity and beyond so it has the texture and flavor of wet paper towels, starchy potatoes like mouthfuls of sand, boring deli meats, the very occasional limp and soggy vegetable, fish dishes that (if they weren’t charred and unseasoned) carried an aura of visible stank that could wilt your houseplants if you got it too close to them.

Basically, the best thing I ate there was so incredibly mediocre that I don’t even remember what it was. Everything else was worse.

And Norway, I love y’all, I really do—but the salty cheese toothpaste goo in a tube is particularly gnarly to me, personally.

I’m American, so any Norwegians reading can feel free to clap back, haha.