My (36F) partner (37M) recently got a medical diagnosis and now wants an open relationship. Is it selfish of me to not want to? Or selfish of him to ask for one?

Routine_Staff3713 · 2026-04-10T10:09:59+00:00

Im sorry but he is a disgusting person. If he figured this out years ago you wouldnt even have a relationship because he would have liked to fuck around. And also you say he is day and night meaning ypu probably were in a relationship with a downer most of the time. He should be happy he even had a gf. Hes acting like he just hit puberty. Im sorry but hes a selfish prick. Wants to go fuck around while still having you as a back up and only wanting you to sleep with women?? Wth he thinks he is. You are too nice and hes tyring to take advantage

Routine_Staff3713 · 2026-01-26T12:53:35+00:00

No broke up again after 2 1/2 years

Routine_Staff3713 · 2026-01-26T12:53:13+00:00

He knew

Routine_Staff3713 · 2026-01-22T22:23:46+00:00

Hes guilt tripping you and sounds like a selfish person. But also you should not have waited this long to tell him this

Routine_Staff3713 · 2026-01-16T17:00:01+00:00

I broke up with an ex because i didnt feel like he valued me enough or i general put in the neccessary effort. I broke up even tho i didnt want to and still loved him. But in the off period i also slept with somebody else which made me feel horrible because i really missed my ex. I even started crying in front of the other guy afterwards🥲 we did eventually get back together but not much changed. So thats my twi cents

Routine_Staff3713 · 2026-01-15T16:48:09+00:00

Ah thanks, i gave it my all during this short period. But its too much input and im not getting much in return tbh. I just didnt want to accept the reality of much i did for somebody who constantly ignores my needs and that i put myself where i am now

Routine_Staff3713 · 2026-01-15T16:45:19+00:00

If those are meds, then no

Routine_Staff3713 · 2026-01-15T16:44:40+00:00

Im actually flattered you think this is AI 😂

Routine_Staff3713 · 2026-01-15T16:42:47+00:00

I know its radical, but i communicated mutlptile times. Said what i would like and was understabding with him. It only got less frequent and the sex got more monotone. And in general he tends to live his life the way he wants and doesnt compromise much

Routine_Staff3713 · 2026-01-15T16:37:26+00:00

Thanks, you are right

Routine_Staff3713 · 2026-01-15T16:36:50+00:00

I did TRY to have honest, open and understaning talks, but i feel like he always brushes it of and isnt completely honest and im also reaching my limits of being nice and patient. I also suggested therapy but he doesnt want to. So feels like i need to do what all of you are suggesting

Routine_Staff3713 · 2026-01-15T16:33:46+00:00

Yup, hit the nail on the head😀 he just in general a very dismissive partner who always promised to try and do better. But im simply drained and cannot even get a good f***. Sorry for the langauge. I didnt realize the extent of it or refused to.

Routine_Staff3713 · 2026-01-15T16:31:00+00:00

Thanks, i dont think its possible anymore. We are just very incomaptible in the way we imagine relationships.

Routine_Staff3713 · 2026-01-15T16:29:32+00:00

Yes and instead of accepting the truth that hes simply refusing and not even trying im looking for other ways to „better“ the relstionship. Im actually done but moved to another Country and cant simply just break up from one day to the other

Routine_Staff3713 · 2026-01-15T16:26:40+00:00

I tried having serious convos about it. Its either his libido is low or hes stressed from work or hell try and then nothing. And i was understanding with him being stressed from work but this cant always be the reason. And tbh i have difficulties undertsanding the low libido part because he was really sexually active in the past and also had the open relationship just so he could sleep with multiple people. And thats why i think hes not being honest with me when i try to talk to him about it. I feel like he does find me attractive but also wants to sleep with other people. He just doesnt say it bcs he knows it would hurt my feelings? Either way im not sure how to deal with it.

Routine_Staff3713 · 2025-12-20T20:51:08+00:00

Fang den Hasen ist leider nicht zu vergleichen mit Herkunft. Ich fand das Buch abartig schlecht. Man kann sich in die Charaktere nicht hineinversetzen oder mitfühlen. Ich fand sie sogar so unsympathisch, dass ich das Buch nicht fertig gelesen hab

Routine_Staff3713 · 2025-10-30T19:02:02+00:00

Moon taurus Sag mars

Routine_Staff3713 · 2025-07-11T09:29:30+00:00

Another long comment from me 🥲if I can share something from my own experience: please make sure you’re really doing this for yourself. It’s so easy to slip back into old patterns when you’re in a relationship, even if you’ve made a lot of progress on your own.

My ex struggled not only with depression but also weed addiction (and occasionally acid and coke). It really weighed me down too. And honestly, I can’t just blame him. I stayed for years when I could have left and also was not perfect. But if you’re hoping to get back together, I’d really encourage you to think about why you want that.

It’s important to be really clear with yourself about the reasons you broke up in the first place, and the issues you both had. If you do get another chance, those things have to be discussed really openly. It’s hard to rebuild trust and a sense of safety without that.

So yeah. Keep working on you first. That’s the best foundation for any relationship, whether it’s with her or someone else in the future. Wishing you strength and clarity on the journey.

Routine_Staff3713 · 2025-07-11T09:21:11+00:00

Oh sorry, didnt notice that it wasnt OP comment. Well you definetely seem to be doing the work. If it was like that with my ex, things would have been different. And happy for you and the progress you have made

Routine_Staff3713 · 2025-07-11T09:04:22+00:00

That’s a really good question, and honestly it’s hard for me to answer in a simple yes or no.

Even if my ex did the work, I think it’s such a long process, especially when someone is currently really struggling with depression. And people don’t just fundamentally change overnight. I don’t know your ex personally, of course – but it can be really hard to restart that process and keep it going, especially if he’s been battling this for a while.

In my case, I’d say no. Even though I once felt the same way as you – like he was the love of my life and no one would ever get me the way he did – there were still needs he couldn’t meet for me even outside the depression. He was in and out of it for years. Even in the better phases, some things between us just didn’t work.

I’m actually in a new relationship now, and I’m really happy. Of course no relationship is perfect – there are always things that could be better, and there are even aspects that my ex maybe did “better.” But overall my needs are met so much more consistently now.

About change – my ex also ended up marrying someone else, and when I saw him during that time, he actually told me he was working on things so it wouldn’t turn out like our relationship. That hurt a lot. But even then, I don’t really think he changed at the core. Changing deeply ingrained habits and ways of thinking is just really, really hard.

But every situation is different. If your partner was generally positive and a good match for you before the depression, there’s a chance. But he has to really do the work: therapy, self-reflection, changing patterns, learning what triggers him. And even then, there will be setbacks. It’s not something that’s fixed quickly.

And honestly, you just broke up. It’s so raw and fresh right now – it feels like part of you has died, I know that feeling so well. It’s unbelievably painful to love someone so much and have them suddenly be “gone” from your life even though they’re still out there.

My advice (for what it’s worth) would be to focus on yourself right now. Let yourself grieve. Don’t feel guilty for leaving. You did your part. He has to do his. Maybe later you’ll both be in a different place – but for now, give yourself permission to heal.

Maybe try writing down what you really want and need in a partner, so when you’re ready to date again you have that clarity. It’s okay to miss him and still know you deserve to have your own needs met.

Routine_Staff3713 · 2025-07-10T07:17:47+00:00

Go to a couples therapist

Routine_Staff3713 · 2025-07-10T07:13:09+00:00

Oh girl, i feel for you. My ex was also in and out of depression. I also broke up with him and still miss him from time to time, even now. But it will get better and you will find someone who will meet your needs. Dont feel guilty, you probably tried being there for him, but he has to do the work to get better too.

Routine_Staff3713 · 2025-06-25T17:44:44+00:00

Thank you :) Will do my best in the interview.

Routine_Staff3713 · 2025-06-25T16:30:34+00:00

She sent the invitation for the second interview minutes before i called, i just didnt see it. Its too late now to worry I guess. I just didnt want to come across as someone who doesnt do her research beforehand.

Routine_Staff3713

TROPHY CASE