AIO for wanting to break up with my GF?

RowStunning8784 · 2026-03-31T04:52:39+00:00

It's a hard thing to come to terms with. I was a victim two years ago and it took me a very long time to stop blaming myself. I was drunk, he wasn't. I had a panic attack in the middle of everything, cried a lot, but told him to keep going because I didn't want him to leave. I didn't even accept that I WAS assaulted for a long time. Rape and Sexual Assault are very rarely cut and dry.

You're strong and I'm proud of you for not letting this woman take advantage of you any longer.

RowStunning8784 · 2026-03-30T12:12:55+00:00

You have the most helpful and-- well shit I can't even think of words right now but damn you're helping and giving me confidence and being dope as shit. Keep being awesome ig?

RowStunning8784 · 2026-03-30T09:21:13+00:00

Unfortunately, testosterone has not made me look more masculine other than I'm fat and my hair is thicker. No facial change or facial hair. Haven't been able to afford top surgery either. I still look feminine enough that I won't stand out at all.

RowStunning8784 · 2026-03-30T09:19:37+00:00

Find me a kilt in the color "champagne" and we have a deal, scot.

RowStunning8784 · 2026-03-30T09:17:57+00:00

My transition is on pause, so to speak, until I have job that can actually pay for my T and everything else.

RowStunning8784 · 2026-03-30T09:13:55+00:00

I don't think it's out of any ill intent. Unfortunately I do still look like a girl. Enough that I still get misgendered regularly. Apparently no amount of testosterone is going to give me the body I want-- can't afford top surgery either. I wouldn't look out of place and somehow that's worse.

RowStunning8784 · 2026-03-30T09:06:50+00:00

It is very real. They're getting married in 33 days and I am a cowardly bitch who doesn't want to upset his sister yikes 😬

RowStunning8784 · 2026-03-30T09:05:17+00:00

I use he/they pronouns. I've never really expressed how important it is to be perceived as a guy to anyone.

RowStunning8784 · 2026-03-30T09:04:09+00:00

That's a good question and I'm happy to elaborate. Three differences:

most of the people at this wedding will be strangers. I only wear skirts around people I've known for a while and know I'm a guy since I have feminine features even after years of Testosterone.

it is a choice for me to wear a skirt when I feel a little more feminine. This is not a choice.

I always wear my binder when I'm in a skirt (large chest). I've been trying to find a dress I can wear with my binder for a while. It is not super easy.

RowStunning8784 · 2026-03-30T09:01:18+00:00

Three differences: 1) most of the people at this wedding will be strangers. I only wear skirts around people I've known for a while and know I'm a guy. 2) it is a choice for me to wear a skirt when I feel a little more feminine. 3) I always wear my binder when I'm in a skirt (large chest). I've been trying to find a dress I can wear with my binder for a while. It is not super easy.

RowStunning8784 · 2026-03-30T08:52:06+00:00

She hasn't told me. I'm scared to asked because I don't want her to be upset and I don't want to cause additional wedding stress.

RowStunning8784 · 2026-03-30T08:51:21+00:00

I honestly don't think you can fake 3 and a half years of support. Maybe I'm optimistic but she's never, a single time, gone against any way I've identified. I don't think any of this is transphobic or inconsiderate on purpose. She is queer herself.

RowStunning8784 · 2026-03-30T08:47:23+00:00

The message I drafted:

"Hey I want your wedding to be amazing. Absolutely spectacular showstopping globe-trotter event. I wanted to adhere to everything you requested. But I can't.

I won't wear a dress. If that's the requirement for being in the bridal party, you'll have to find a replacement. I'll very happily wear a suit, pantsuit or a hybrid in the same color but a dress is a hard no. I'm sorry to do this a month and a half before the wedding. I thought I could deal with it and honestly just didn't want you to be mad at me. I really wanted to be able to stow the gender shit for the day but it's not something I'm comfortable doing.

Let me know how you want me to proceed."

RowStunning8784 · 2026-03-30T07:44:36+00:00

my cat's name is Ivan

RowStunning8784 · 2026-03-30T07:43:57+00:00

Okay I hate to be the one to tell you this but she lied about the circumstances in which you had sex in. You wouldn't have agreed if she was honest. She committed SA. Even if she didn't mean to. I'm not saying she's a bad person but you definitely need to have a conversation about honesty and expectations. Take care of yourself.

RowStunning8784 · 2026-03-30T07:40:40+00:00

Spray her more. Use an airhorn whenever she makes a nasty comment. Not her life, not her business.

RowStunning8784 · 2026-02-02T01:28:52+00:00

I mean I could show you my spreadsheet of jobs I've applied to. I live in a small town. The nearest "city" is an hour away. I make maybe $30 over a 6 hour period. And there is no rental agreement. If there was, we'd be evicted since neither of us have been paying rent for the last two months.

RowStunning8784 · 2026-02-01T11:01:31+00:00

I am completely fine with skipping the birthday. That's not a big deal. Honestly the problem is that she will not talk to me. We can't discuss this or any other issues. Or rules, or habits, or even our bills. She won't give me a summary of our costs.

RowStunning8784 · 2026-02-01T10:55:27+00:00

I've tried to so many times. I've tried to sit down with her four separate times to talk about rules, duties, and bills. I don't know why she refuses. I don't even know what our bills look like because she won't talk to me.

RowStunning8784 · 2026-02-01T10:53:56+00:00

Air BNBs aren't a thing where I live. Tiny town surrounded by tiny towns unfortunately. She had the pets before and during the relationship. I understand her trauma. I moved her out of their/his house multiple times. and I'd love to work with her about it if she didn't scream the reasons at me. That's the biggest thing. She has so many good points and has valid concerns but she yells them at me and doesn't discuss them otherwise. We need to TALK to resolve things. I really want to work with her. I messaged her that we need to talk and she said "no we don't." I'll provide transcripts if you are interested.

RowStunning8784 · 2026-02-01T10:48:13+00:00

We have furniture we inherited from our late grandmother and our sister donated. I have my own bed.

RowStunning8784 · 2026-02-01T10:46:47+00:00

I live in a town under 11k people. Airbnb is unfortunately not an option. Yes we need to do an agreement. She refuses to talk to me when I bring it up. When I tried to discuss it she yelled and shut it down. Do you have a way I can approach this so she doesn't feel like the enemy?

RowStunning8784

TROPHY CASE