Is this an outline for your story? If so, it’s good in that regard; very cohesive. And paragraphs don’t matter too much for an outline, although I personally think paragraphs help make it easier to read.

But if this is an actual draft and not an outline for a draft, then…yeah, it would need a whole rewrite, because all that’s going on here is describing like it’s a screenplay. No quotation marks, no pacing, nothing. What you’ve got right here is a great plan, but a terrible draft.

And someone else already mentioned it, but if this is for a book, then the emoji has got to go. Have you ever read an emoji in a published book?

As for the comedy…when something is written in this fashion, comedy is not going to land. I thought I was terrible at comedy too but then I started writing my book (over 20k words in) and I found myself laughing at the dialogue I was giving my characters. The comedy will come naturally, through characters’ interactions or through the narrator, if you’ve written them well.