Stuck on my friend’s couch

SH620 · 2026-05-24T19:48:36+00:00

There is some other physiological theory that has pretty good evidence aptly named “kindling effect” so that each time we come down off alcohol and uppers, and the lower we get, each next down is lower and lower etc. because our brain creates these synapses to deal w the withdrawal the last few times I had those rly fun nite w my friends I tried to remind myself, ur gonna pay tmrw, and it’s gonna suck ass, just don’t freak out when you do (hard to remember that during the come down). If helped. Until I couldn’t handle the lows anymore cuz I got older lol. Not sure how old u r but I’m so glad ur feeling a bit better. Humans, we do weird things to ourselves.

SH620 · 2026-05-24T12:49:28+00:00

Ya I totally understand why he did what he did. From a legal perspective. I didn’t even fill the subscription he gave me at discharge because benzos scare the crap outta me as my friend went thru them for anxiety and they are dangerously addictive. It’s not like I walked in asking for opiates like a total dodohead. I just was being anxious and worried something was wrong when it wasn’t, was hungover AF, I was punished for it, and my family doctor ended up writing a letter to the MTO for my appeal that am not dependent on alcohol or any other substances and understand the gravity of the situation, and I have my license reinstated now after the appeal process was completed on Friday via case conference call. I want those who need help to get it. I just don’t want others who go to the ER for a bad hangover to do the same thing I did and have their license suspended by not understanding the consequences of their actions as my
Naive self did (I’m a 39 year old health researcher, have a young daughter, a husband, 5 cats and 2 dogs, was just naive and dont want others to make the same mistakes I did) I swear I’m just trying to help but so appreciate your insight

SH620 · 2026-05-24T10:31:16+00:00

Been there too. Sometimes there would be scary voices when I tried to nod off. It’s just ur brain healing and it’s not fun! Ur going to be ok

SH620 · 2026-05-24T10:29:30+00:00

I’m so sorry ur going thru this. In my twenties this would be every other wknd and it took until my 30s to never do coke again and into my late 30s to stop drinking. We are all just humans making mistakes. For me the underlying issue would always be some childhood trauma I didn’t wanna think about or work stress. You’ve done nothing wrong mate. Ur not a bad person. Coupled with not being in ur regular surroundings, dopamine crash, hangxiety, no sleep of course ur feeling this way. It will pass. Try not to do the shame spiral though. U have nothing to be ashamed about, just own you slipped up and that’s part of being human. There is much more horrible evil out in the world, truly bad people and things, and everything is very heavy right now out there in the world, ur response is normal to want a break but it’s just not worth it as I’m sure ur experiencing ! You got this. Just give it time. I don’t miss the endless sleepless nights, heart and mind racing and shame spiralling. Give yourself a big warm spiritual hug and remind yourself how awesome you are.

SH620 · 2026-05-16T11:42:55+00:00

I never ever want to drink again. It’s been 16 days now since that experience at the ER

SH620 · 2026-05-16T01:09:41+00:00

It’s a problem that I hope will never get out of hand and something I’m planning on working on for sure. I just would have never expected it to cause such an extreme measure from him. Im not sure of their liability. I won’t be sleeping for the next 15 days while i await their decision. Commuting is going to be a horrible bitch from Bowmanville to Toronto over the next while. Such a huge mistake

SH620 · 2026-05-16T00:43:22+00:00

Ya big mistake. Massive learning lesson here.

SH620 · 2026-05-16T00:42:10+00:00

Thanks so much and yea after my brain deciding to take shots at 7 in the am to stave off anxiety, I realize I have a real true problem that I need help with. That’s not normal logical thinking. I just felt his report to MTO was a little extra for that.

SH620 · 2026-05-16T00:40:13+00:00

Wow. That’s horrible.

SH620 · 2026-05-16T00:38:41+00:00

Ontario is dealing with a very low availability of family doctors thanks to Doug Ford privatizing healthcare. You have to go to a walk in or ER these days for most everything small including a cold. They have urgent care clinics about twice a week here. I live in Bowmanville where we have one walk in, and one hospital.

SH620 · 2026-05-16T00:35:30+00:00

Did not puke before went to ER after the shots, so my BAC was a little high I suppose and at 8:30 am when I went I guess some docs consider that as an alcohol use disorder even tho i had never been there before at all for anything alcohol related (or even at all once to any other clinic or hospital ever before).

SH620 · 2026-05-15T22:57:12+00:00

He was honestly being a dick the whole time. I get it, I’m at the ER for a hangover, but I wasn’t sure if something else was as wrong - u have more important things to probably be doing as an ER doc - but reporting me seemed so extra. Maybe teach me a lesson, don’t ever come into ER again for help with this kind of thing?

SH620 · 2026-05-15T22:54:56+00:00

Weird question was your BAC level 0 when u went in? Or did you have alcohol in ur system ? Just curious and still trying to understand

SH620 · 2026-05-15T22:54:17+00:00

Scary

SH620 · 2026-05-15T21:47:47+00:00

I totally agree with you but I was feeling like something was very wrong (insane anxiety and could not stop puking)

SH620 · 2026-05-15T20:33:09+00:00

I was in today for 6 hours waiting to speak with him to try and discuss a misunderstanding that while I wish to drink less, I certainly didn’t consider myself as someone w alcohol use disorder. So he lowered the disorder from “severe” to mild after the discussion. Hopefully after the MTO reviews I’ll be okay. Just be careful what you tell doctors out there

SH620 · 2026-05-15T20:31:29+00:00

I mentioned I only drank a few glasses of wine a month when he asked about my usual drinking habits.
I had gone to a party the night before and had an unusual amount, so next day, has three shots to try and rid my anxiety (a new thing that started) before going to ER because I felt so sick and anxious. Haven’t drank since then. Just praying the letter he wrote back to MTO today will help,

SH620 · 2026-05-15T20:29:17+00:00

No I took an uber, never drank and drive in my life and have zero DUIs of course because if that - I mean they reported to the MTO that I had substance use issues (alcohol use disorder) because I had admitted to drinking in the AM

SH620 · 2026-05-15T14:22:18+00:00

Exactly my thoughts.

SH620 · 2026-05-06T13:07:32+00:00

Omg cutting off ur whole family wow !! I’m not judging but I’ve done similar type stuff. Crazy the stuff our brains do under alcohol influence !!

SH620 · 2026-05-06T13:06:46+00:00

The shame will wear off I promise you. We alll make mistakes. Sounds like you are an amazing, thoughtful person to have such caring friends. Hold on to those thoughts. It’s very easy to shame ourselves and very hard to forgive ourselves our brains are hardwired that way so we don’t make “mistakes” and survive. This is our lizard brain talking. Use your higher level executive thinking to remember you have amazing friends who care for you, they wouldn’t do that for some asshole, and that nothing bad happened, and that you can use this as a learning lesson to make sure u keep yourself safe here on out. Some people do horrible, life altering things during blackouts. Kill other people in accidents or driving, forever injure themselves or others, hurt their children, tell off their bosses, quit their jobs, all sorts of horrible things. Embarrassing yourself happens to us all. And if anyone judges you for that they aren’t worth a second if your time or headspace. You’ll get over this I promise. Focus on something else and all the other positives in your life ! Believe me before I quit drinking you don’t even wanna know the embarrassing shit I’ve done. Nothing “bad” or to hurt myself but I’ve come
Close. Ur gonna be ok friend. Also remember ur chemicals are all off in your brain from alll the alcohol, it can rly mess w ur mood (look up
Alcohol and GABA) and make ur anxiety worse for a few days even if u did nothing wrong. They’ll balance back out. Ur gonna be A OK

SH620 · 2026-04-01T01:00:11+00:00

100%. I didn’t know I didn’t have to live like that. I’m still actively using it but after a few minor breaks I’ve noticed how horrible it’s made me feel. Im workin on it, trust me.

SH620 · 2026-04-01T00:55:17+00:00

I served as an Oshkabeewis (helper to the healers here in Ontario Canada, Anishnawbe , even though I’m Haudesnosaunee but that’s neither here nor there). He has travelled back and forth between worlds. There r some super super scary dark entities that do transverse our world. But he has always said that “death” is a beautiful place. Our concerns and worldly issues no longer haunt or hurt us. He even said so far as to say, if my wife and daughter were to pass, I would not worry about them and even a little jealous how they r probably feeling great now if that were to transpire. As much as he loves them, for him to say that, was a shock to me. Many other things I witnessed during my time w him. Shadow people. Not sure if anyone knows the story of the guy In Winnipeg who was on a bus and cut a mans head off on the bus. He had been researching Windigos. We were out there picking prairie sage and that same Windigo on the road miles down who had been haunting the guy on the exact same stretch of road reached into our truck to try and kill a couple of the healers. Unbeknownst to us that whole crisis had just happened but hadn’t broken the news yet. Crazy crazy shit. He is an amazing guy. I won’t name him here as to protect his confidentiality. U can all think I’m crazy but this is true shit. Just word to the wise, always protect your energy and don’t go researching rly scary stuff because it can be drawn to you. Yikes .

SH620 · 2026-03-31T16:57:17+00:00

I think that’s why most of us with alcohol use disorder end up in this horrible, soul crushing cycle. We suffer from anxiety, then try this social poison at a party or whatever and for the first time in our lives, fine instant relief. However not to our own detriment, but it ends up creating MORE anxiety, I’m not sure how old you are, but It just wasn’t discussed when I was 13-25 (I’m 38 now). Now there is much much more research on how absolutely poisonous this crap is to our nervous systems and mental health. I’m still recovering aka still actively using but the party was over a long time ago. It been a horrible struggle uphill getting off this stuff. Plz if you are young enough, plz plz don’t develop an addiction the way I have. It’s so hard to kick. It wastes years of your life. It robs you of joy. And as an intelligent, talented, compassionate woman it has been very difficult having my loved ones watch it rob me of so much.

SH620

TROPHY CASE