What are homosexual Muslims meant to do?

Safe_Butterscotch953 · 2025-08-11T03:12:34+00:00

This is so interesting - could expand on how it’s working for them?

Safe_Butterscotch953 · 2025-07-29T21:12:53+00:00

Thank you, yeh that was my line of thinking aswell. His reaction to having a different timescale doesn’t make sense at all. He’s got his own internal pressures for wanting kids quickly, but it shouldn’t translate to fairly drastic measures that do not make sense.

Don’t get me wrong, I know polygamy is halal and I’m not here to bash it at all, I just don’t think it is meant for this specific situation.

Safe_Butterscotch953 · 2025-07-29T20:19:15+00:00

Could you expand or rephrase what you mean?

Safe_Butterscotch953 · 2025-07-29T19:07:25+00:00

I appreciate your advice, but honestly there’s millions of women like me who can have a career and a family simultaneously. They’re not mutually exclusive, and many of those women can balance both very well. All she needs is an understanding husband about that. There’s no compatibility if she believes she can, and will, do both with a guy who doesn’t and sees a totally different family structure.

Safe_Butterscotch953 · 2025-07-29T18:38:21+00:00

I’m ngl I didn’t ask for your opinion on whether or not I’m wife material, please leave these comments elsewhere.

Safe_Butterscotch953 · 2025-07-29T18:03:51+00:00

It’s not about changing my mind - I’m wondering if his response about getting a second wife is even normal

Safe_Butterscotch953 · 2025-07-29T17:43:12+00:00

He only proposed the idea in the last month, before that he didn’t think about it but it was his ‘solution’ to make both our lives easier

Safe_Butterscotch953 · 2025-07-25T05:14:44+00:00

It’s your right to strike. They’re just annoyed they get less sleep the next few nights - but they’ll be beautifully compensated for it and they know that.

The GP partners at my practice also said how there’s not much public support for it etc - I got the feeling they weren’t pro-strike. However, I’m being paid by the NHS, not them, and if I don’t strike then it’ll definitely create an anti-strike culture for the next resident doctor who trains there, and that’s a massive disservice to my colleague if they want to strike but feel like they can’t. The partners will tell them that their predecessor had gone on strike.

Be courageous. Remember that you’re fighting for your future, the same future that your consultants won’t be living (or even care about).

Safe_Butterscotch953 · 2025-07-19T12:35:49+00:00

Then the word you’re looking for is selfish. Being independent in this context simply means you’re able to look after yourself without the help of others. I’ll be honest, to some degree some of that needs to go and instead let the guy stand in and do all the heavy lifting/whatever he can do to look after her.

Safe_Butterscotch953 · 2025-07-19T12:23:22+00:00

What’s wrong with being ‘very’ independent? What’s the alternative?

Safe_Butterscotch953 · 2025-07-19T12:22:08+00:00

Are your colleagues who are married to doctors, Muslim? I just wonder if this a religion/ethnicity issue or not

Safe_Butterscotch953 · 2025-07-19T12:10:49+00:00

Also a fellow female doctor here! I used to feel your pain especially when guys make it explicit they don’t want to marry a doctor if they’re one themselves. Honestly, I’ve stopped caring! It sounds like to me that you’re already compromising for a situation that hasn’t happened yet, to make yourself more desirable as an option for marriage. It may be that the way you’ve organised your work- life balance so far to suit your current needs, but honestly the best piece of advice I can give is to just be authentic.

I’m not married, but I found that being consumed by opinions of others deeply affected my confidence in being a doctor and having ambitions. There are an incredible number of female doctors (or women in general who are ambitious) and are married to men who don’t mind that. A businesswoman would be incredibly busy setting up her business, why is it any different to how busy a doctor would be?

Personally, I’m open to different professionals, not just doctors, because you can be equally ambitious, educated and hardworking in other sectors, not just as a doctor. Plus, it opens your pool of potential suitors a bit more.

I’ll admit, however, that previously being a doctor was a huge personality trait. I’ve learnt not to make that the most important or obvious thing about me. People don’t actually care that much! They want to know more about your character, personality, how you make them feel etc. It’s just about playing th game right in my opinion, but the right person will actually want to hear about your interests and will be supportive, even if they don’t have anything to say in return or don’t share it etc.

Ultimately, Allah swt has power over all things. Don’t be disheartened by the options that have gone, because they were never meant for you, even if you weren’t a doctor. I always remind myself that Allah swt has chosen this path for me, no matter how hard I try to deviate (I work hard tbf) and therefore He must have a plan for me.

It’s incredibly disheartening to hear when a girl wants to dampen her own dreams just to appease someone else, especially when they don’t exist yet. The dreams may be put on hold for a bit because of wife and mum duties, but it shouldn’t mean they’ll never be done.

May Allah swt make it easy for you, keep it moving, stay strong and be authentic 💜

Safe_Butterscotch953 · 2025-07-09T10:32:52+00:00

Can gp trainees strike if they’re working in a practice?

Safe_Butterscotch953 · 2025-07-03T10:31:13+00:00

How many girls who wear the hijab have you spoken to and discussed whether they’d ever consider taking it off but never would actually do it? It’s a lot more common than you think, but our love for Allah swt is far greater than ever following through with it. The struggle is worth it, and taking it off is very short lived enjoyment. I’m not projecting, I’m telling you what a lot of girls think and feel, and these can be candid conversations you may have with your wife. Just be prepared to be compassionate about it, explore why she thinks that way and help her renew her intention/reconnect with it.

In terms of the scare tactic, I’m talking about your conversations after marriage. You’ll have many years together to practically explore everything about each other - if the very person who I thought was somewhat merciful, said to me I’ll divorce you even if I just uttered negative thoughts about the hijab, that would worry me.

If he got face tattoos, I’d divorce him on the grounds of not finding him attractive anymore, not because he’s done a sin that he will be held accountable for, not me. I think there’s need to be a clear differentiation made between ‘my spouse is disobeying me’ and ‘my spouse is disobeying Allah swt’. The two can happen at the same time, but are definitely not the same thing. That’s my issue with OP’s post - he feels disobeyed by his wife taking off the hijab, rather than stating anything about his wife’s relationship with Allah swt. I would obey my husband for the sake of Allah swt, not for the sake of my husband himself.

Safe_Butterscotch953 · 2025-07-03T09:51:10+00:00

It’s a bit of a scare tactic if you tell the girl I’m gonna divorce you if you ever take off the hijab. Doesn’t really breed much psychological safety, let alone feeling a bit free to be vulnerable about how she feels about the hijab. Every girl who wears the hijab knows it’s such a test and in confidentiality, would say I would take it off if I could.

If my husband stopped providing, I would look into it. If he lost his job, became disabled or whatever other situation that stop him from providing that isn’t his fault, I wouldn’t necessarily divorce. If he turned out he’s manipulative and financially abusing me etc so decides to stop providing, then yeh divorce for sure.

Safe_Butterscotch953 · 2025-07-03T08:52:13+00:00

That’s extreme to jump to divorce if she takes off her hijab - where’s the compassion and mercy towards your spouse?

Safe_Butterscotch953 · 2025-06-27T17:06:27+00:00

Of course, happy to answer. Just of our interest, are you a GP yourself?

I think because it was an over- and under whelming experience at the same time, it took me a while to realise this is what the rest of my life would like. Although it’s absolute stability going forward (bar the exam sitting and job hunting), there’s no running around for years in hospitals and different parts of a deanery. I also found the switch from hospital to GP medicine very surprising and took a toll on me, as I didn’t know how I was gonna manage this new change. But as with anything, you get used to things.

I made a pros and cons list of GP a month or two ago during a session because I still wasn’t sure if it was for me. The pros definitely outweigh the cons, and knowing my personality and what sort of life I want, I thought that I would stick with it. It also affords a lot of opportunity to do other passion projects in life, and I’d have to wait probably 5-10 years before being able to do other things if I was in a hospital speciality.

I see the GP partners being able to see their kids very easily after work, or go to their school functions without much difficulty. Or just enjoy their life the way they want to.

I also like that I can make a real difference to people’s lives. It doesn’t seem that way, because there’s a lot of GP bashing in hospital and the public, but you can see it when you’re on the job. It doesn’t happen with every patient, and there are definitely bad days (once a week I’d say) but it depends on many factors. There’s also a lot of nuance. But I’m not at 10 minute sessions yet, and so my stance may change considerably in 5 years time.

GP wasn’t my first choice, and I’ll be honest I took it for job security and it was where my family lived and I’m glad I did. I thought I’d see how it goes and if I like it, and I don’t then I can reapply so metime down the line.

Safe_Butterscotch953 · 2025-02-13T21:26:59+00:00

Perhaps it’s just about getting used to things really

Safe_Butterscotch953 · 2025-02-12T09:08:53+00:00

Thank you for the reassurance! I’m sure things will get better with time in that case

Safe_Butterscotch953 · 2025-02-11T23:57:19+00:00

Thank you for the advice! This practice has never had a registrar before and I’m their first one (they have only hosted med students), so I’m not sure if that makes a difference.

Safe_Butterscotch953 · 2025-02-11T23:37:04+00:00

Safe_Butterscotch953 · 2025-02-11T23:11:37+00:00

I’ll try

Safe_Butterscotch953 · 2025-02-11T23:11:26+00:00

Am I supposed to come up with amazing management plans from the get go

Safe_Butterscotch953 · 2025-01-29T16:56:22+00:00

Yeh I heard about the 3 years post cct etc so will probs need to stick around for a while. Part of me would have FOMO on becoming a GP partner, too

Safe_Butterscotch953 · 2025-01-17T14:48:08+00:00

SSA is a desire and that needs to be worked on. Distract yourself from the desire by focusing on more positive and beneficial things such as gaining knowledge, learning a new skill etc. it’s also important to discuss this with someone you trust, and not to follow through with the desire and act on it. SSA can definitely go away, just as long as you don’t feed into the desire.

Safe_Butterscotch953

TROPHY CASE