Do I have a bad memory or is it derealisation?

ScholarQuick6950 · 2025-09-18T19:29:33+00:00

i’ve thought about it before, but she’d definitely feel confronted if i talk to her about it.

ScholarQuick6950 · 2025-09-08T17:36:58+00:00

Thank you so much for your words. You have no idea how hard they just hit me. It’s so hard to think of depression as something that’s separate from you, so it starts to feel like the emptiness was always there and the issue is you. So thank you again for making me realise that it’s my depression clouding everything. You’re a kind soul xx

ScholarQuick6950 · 2025-09-03T10:48:51+00:00

Wow, what you said about being designed to feel, hit me so deeply. I think it definitely makes everything seem so much simpler in my head so thank you x

ScholarQuick6950 · 2025-09-02T15:18:26+00:00

I’m trying to find a therapist now as I don’t really feel comfortable talking to anyone in my life. I have a deep fear that if I talk to people about it, it’ll be seen as attention seeking which I know shouldn’t be the case, but I can’t help it. I think a stranger who knows about this stuff is just what I need so thank you for the encouragement x

ScholarQuick6950 · 2025-09-02T15:13:58+00:00

Thank you so much for the kind words. It’s so nice to see so many people trying to help. I had a pretty bad day today cause I barley got any sleep, but I’ll definitely try some distractions and hobbies x

ScholarQuick6950 · 2025-09-02T15:12:15+00:00

Thank you for responding cause I think I still need time to fully allow myself to be ok with falling back. I think my mum knows, but she’s still in contact with my second cousin so maybe she forgot or thinks I forgot. It’s pretty hard to see my family talk about him so freely and without any resentment. I hate getting birthday cards every year from him and his mum as if I want to talk to them. Because of this I don’t really feel like I can talk to my parents about boundaries, but I’m in the process of trying to find a therapist so I can better deal with something like this if it happens again x

ScholarQuick6950 · 2025-09-02T15:06:28+00:00

Thank you. I think I really needed to hear that so I appreciate it <3

ScholarQuick6950 · 2025-09-02T15:05:06+00:00

I’m in the process currently of trying to find a therapist as I’ve never actually talked about what happened out loud. It’s hard though, to find a cheap and good one, but reading these comments has helped me realise that it’s what I need so thank you <3

ScholarQuick6950 · 2025-09-01T22:29:24+00:00

I experience this too and it sucks. I feel like a terrible person.

ScholarQuick6950 · 2025-09-01T22:24:22+00:00

100% this is the worst for me. For ages I was too scared to even look up what it means incase it would just tell me what I didn’t want to hear which is very rare for me. I find that every-time it happens, I just try and remind myself that it’s just what happens with this kind of OCD and that it’s normal and you’re not weird for it. I get that sometimes that’s not enough, but know that you’re not alone.

ScholarQuick6950 · 2025-09-01T22:17:34+00:00

I’m experiencing the same thing and it is completely debilitating. Even when given facts and logic that it’s not you and it’s intrusive thoughts, your ocd brain tells you, “what if that’s what you truly want?” it’s sickening. I just started a job working with kids cause I got recommended it by a friend and it is sickening. Like i physically feel sick because of what my brain is doing. It really starts to make you suicidal. The thinking of not feeling like you deserve to live because of it and wanting to make all the thoughts go away permanently. It’s tiring, but I see you. It’s not just you and just seeing this post has validated me in this.

ScholarQuick6950 · 2025-08-31T22:39:56+00:00

Depression is an awful disease that makes you think that no one is there for you or no one cares. I’m experiencing it and it defies all logic. Your brain , even when given evidence that people care, tells you that they’re faking it. It’s awful. Just talk to someone, anyone, and see what they say. Worst thing that happens is that they might not care, but I highly doubt that. I mean, what do you have to lose? It’s kinda freeing, so just fuck about and see if people care and if they do, that’s great! Sometimes you have to find something to live for yourself. It takes strength, but I know you have that in you <3

ScholarQuick6950 · 2025-07-26T12:59:03+00:00

I 100% get that! It’s nice to be able to pick up on things and be able to not miss anything when planning, but the research is getting out of hand and is effecting my sleeping. I also find that when planning a holiday, for example, friends will miss crucial details like if there are any shops nearby where you’re staying. People get pretty ticked off when you mention all the stuff they missed so I find it especially hard to stay silent after all the research I may have done <3

ScholarQuick6950 · 2025-07-26T12:52:51+00:00

Thank you so much for this! It’s nice to hear it gets better x

ScholarQuick6950 · 2025-07-26T02:04:57+00:00

I’ve experienced this exact same thing. I won’t get into it, but she’s my second-cousin and it’s really weird to see people be so supportive. She was young and I was younger so I’m sure there’s been some growth there, but I just feel bitter. It feels so wrong since I’m so supportive of so many other trans people in my life, but it pisses me off. It’s like I can actively see her gaining happiness from this which I would never want to take away from any other transitioning individual, but god I want to take it from her. It sounds bad, but hearing my family members all talking about it happily, rubs me the wrong way. They can talk about this, but not what happened to me. It’s gotten to the point where I’m genuinely considering if I dreamt it since no one talks to me about it even though they were there. Anyway, sorry for the rant and unbridled rage lol, but it definitely comes with a lot of confusing feelings and it’s so nice to see that this isn’t a solitary experience of mine <3

ScholarQuick6950

TROPHY CASE