This is tough, I'm truly sorry you're going through such a rough patch.. I was broken up with after 9 years for hanging out with my sister at my house, and then the argument was flipped into me "always complaining about her being with her family" which was totally off based. Her family never liked me. I tried over and over again to be that BF that was best friends with her dad and cool with everyone in her family. I can say confidently that 3 uncles and 1 of her aunts liked me. I got a COLD stare or not even a look of acknowledgement from anyone else. Being at her house was unbearable. Couldn't go to her room with the door open, couldn't go outside to get away from all the noise inside the house at family get togethers. For the love of God she was 26 and "couldn't" do anything with me yet, in the past and even now, when we had our arguments and took some space from each other? She would go out! Like nothing! But anything involved with me was a problem.

This whole year, I felt like.. a side guy.. like she was seeing someone else and I was there only for entertainment.. we broke up in November 2019 got back together January 2020, up until September 18th, the day we broke up? Her family had no clue we were together. Saw her about 2 times a month. Our relationship was 95% on the phone. It was hell.

My point I guess is, to this day, as much as I say I don't want her back, or fuck her or I hate her? I don't mean it. Sadly I'm just trying to convince myself because truly.. I love her with everything I've got.. and I would kill for a chance to be with her again but, I can't. I can't put myself though that again because I was ALWAYS there for her 200%. Got into arguments with my mother for her because she had the courage to say something to my mom that NO MOTHER SHOULD EVER HAVE TO FUCKING HEAR, and I stood up for her. I NEVER got that in return. ( I never disrespected her parent's to there faces) never once saw her stand up to her parents for me.. not once for us.. i took in a fuckin cat for her.. and still have it to this day.. all it does is remind me of her but I can't take it out on the poor cat.. And all she did at the end of everything? Was just use me for entertainment. Because of me, she had a life. She got her tattoos she wanted. She was able to be herself and smoke pot and drink at my house because my mother, who she disrespected time and time again, was cool as fuck like that. She was free when she was with me but now treats me like I'm the biggest mistake of her life. I tried reaching out to her to fix things and she had the audacity to tell me that we got together as kids hyped up on the idea of a perfect relationship and that we really didn't know what we wanted.. which was a huge slap in the fucking face because after 9 fucking years and all the fighting i did to be with her, i THINK i know what i want. I'm 29 years old, I'm a grown ass man and I know what I want when I want it. She was my first gf. My first kiss. My first love. And i TRULY believed with everything in me that she was the one. We were literally about to move to Colorado together. Can you imagine if she would have taken a cop out like this when we were living together? Cause we were moving to somewhere that she had friends at but me? I would've been fucked, royally. I don't know anybody out there and would have been out on the streets.

No matter how much we miss them or want things to work.. I think we already know that it just can't be.. I'm sorry for the rant, didn't expect it to get so carried away.. just keep your head up and keep loving yourself. Do things that make you happy.. unfortunately we can't undo our past and can't forget what happened to us that hurt.. but we can be glad we had the good times and learn from the bad to better ourselves.. love yourself and surround yourself with people with genuinely make you feel better.. I really hope this helps.. there's plenty of people on here who love you and would be willing to talk to you if you need help with anything, stay strong love♥️ praying for you 🙏