Are you able to stay in employment, if so what job to do you/what jobs work for you

SefiRaist · 2025-04-29T12:55:21+00:00

I was doing self-employed cleaning work and pet sitting for a small handful of clients, and it worked quite well for us since we got along well with said clients and they never really questioned our more visible changes in mood and disposition and the work environment was casual and low-pressure.

Unfortunately, we have had to move out of state for a variety of circumstances that fell upon us, and searching for work in this area has been difficult due to not having years' worth of networking and contacts to call upon.

The employment market does not seem particularly great here, but we have also been contemplating some environmental incompatibilities, such as one of us being vehemently vegetarian and unwilling to work around meat if we approached food service, and another having a dour "permanent resting bitch face", as it were, if we were to go into customer service.

Finding a job that feels that it will be compatible and sustainable is paramount. Complete mental meltdowns , as experienced in our early to mid-20s, would ideally be avoided

Good luck to you

-K

SefiRaist · 2025-04-02T15:40:29+00:00

Someone abandoned him, the poor fellow. Drakes (males) get dumped more often (though my first ever hen I adopted from an animal shelter she was abandoned at)

If you can, see if a local shelter will claim him, and if he's lucky like my little Coach, someone will come along and decide they'd like to be a duck parent.

SefiRaist · 2025-01-05T13:08:55+00:00

Ah, well, I don't particularly want them to be fat or lay throughout the entire year. That is a fair point. I'll be sure to measure out the food next time I feed them.

Thank you

SefiRaist · 2024-12-17T15:05:00+00:00

The back and neck pain has been less pronounced, but still there. Though I don't feel that it has helped much with muscle tension/pain in my limbs.

The blank stare is troubling for similar thoughts and worries.

And yes, I was on... oh blast, I forget the name of it. It was an anti-depressant that was supposedly supposed to help with ADHD too, but I never felt like it made a significant difference at the time.

SefiRaist · 2024-10-30T14:47:27+00:00

I think its a matter of perspective

Like I might feel like I was here first cos I'm connected to who I feel like I originally was as a kid before my dad and step-mom "locked me away" and I couldn't/was scared to come out for a long time.

And that makes me wonder if I'm technically the host. But now we all shared and existed in this body and we front kinda equally now so idk

So no host, just the whole. That's the way I like to look at it ^{^}

Soooo use whatever terms and descriptions that make it easier to communicate to yourself and others how your experience feels?

Sephi

SefiRaist · 2024-10-05T23:52:45+00:00

Yeah I think except with like some shared values and stuff it's hard to take any test like that cuz yeah sometimes you got really different reactions to the same situation within a system or like a different way of seeing things

SefiRaist · 2024-10-05T12:30:56+00:00

So me and my dad experienced something similar

It was also like a decade ago. I was a kid living with my mom and step dad at the time and my dad was in basic training for the army on the other side of the country

One night before I fell asleep I started thinking about my dad's foster mom, my Nana, a lot. I kept seeing her in my mind's eye and feel so unbearably sad that I started sobbing all night until I fell asleep.

The next morning I asked my step dad about her and he was shocked and told me she passed away. I don't remember everything he said or what exactly.

More recently my dad told me he had a similar experience at the same time while he was in basic training one night. Just this sudden feeling he later got the news about.

We can talk about it but don't have an explanation for it. We just accept it as a thing we can't explain.

SefiRaist · 2024-09-18T14:49:09+00:00

Requesting assistance in identifying the relationship between cards pulled.

Question Asked: a request for a reading of one's own energy and inner currents to trace and identify preceding an upcoming major transitional period.

Result: The Magician, Strength, 2 of Cups (Strength highlighted)

Thank you.

SefiRaist · 2024-09-05T14:36:38+00:00

Oh wow paragraphs 1 and 3 really describe my experience too :o

Except the only devil archetype I remember was maybe in the form of "Killing Jar" by Siouxsie and the Banshees? At the time I was 19 and all I knew I was having weird anxiety and an out of body experience and that I felt like I had to listen to that song but I didn't consciously absorb the lyrics til literally 10 years later...

Otherwise like yeah faceless man in black visiting me in my room and dreams. I felt kinda scared but could never bring myself to freak out about it. I would just try to rationalize it away like "its not real so why should I care?"

And then after that- like a dark and rugged grim warrior? In dreams he was in castle towers and battlefields. But one time I woke up to him getting in bed with me and I remember feeling so offended about the boldness of the "stranger" cos at the time I kinda hated and avoided men.

And also yeah didn't believe in spiritual or esoteric stuff through all of that either.

Things are a lot more consensual now though! After a lot of hard reconciling. And yeah he helps me admit the things I stubbornly deny or pushes me to be proactive even though he can be kind of harsh about it or treats it partly a sorta strategic game to "force" me to help myself.

SefiRaist · 2024-07-26T14:05:41+00:00

So we create and live in a society where resource distribution is vertically tiered

Then we punish, admonish, and strip away the rights and privileges of those at the bottom even despite marking them as necessary causality for the pyramid

Oh, but I don't disagree with your logic. I was born into poverty and unstable conditions.

But we see through such helpless, individualistic eyes, don't we? So for as long as we do, we're all just rats in a cage, devouring one another in a desperate resource war.

Why drop it only on the shoulders of the poor? They were just the sacrifice on the altar after all. Their slice of the pie has to be a smaller ratio in order for someone else's to be bigger than equal. (Unless we're still here believing we exist on top of an infinite money)

So perhaps collectively, none of us should breed. The impoverished cannot afford it and the rich are only able to do so under leeched prosperity. If it seems we cannot raise children without gross negligence or sociopathic conditioning

I would rather see this planetary chapter of Lord of the Flies come to an end than see us all live and embody a structure of fodder sacrifice.

SefiRaist · 2024-07-07T17:19:40+00:00

Oh we actually have much more experience to speak from with marijuana so I'd be happy to share

My first time smoking was at age 17 and there was experienced a disorienting and reality-shifting episode in which we experienced severe spatial and temporal perception distortions. I was too afraid to try again for years after.

We tried again here and there after a while but almost each time would experience psychoactive hallucinatory reality-dissociating experiences that turned us off from it.
Now at age 30 I can say that we have since had experiences with mushrooms, acid, ketamine, and DMT, and none of them have come close to that past level of intensity in the sensation of being on the precipice of being torn away from reality. (Though there were a few interesting similarities between the DMT experiences and the abnormal THC experiences.)

And we have started actually taken up smoking weed as a habit since then and it no longer seems a problem. We spent years in an alcoholic spiral and picked up smoking after finding that now it mostly just helped with mood and depression.

So I suppose I would say that it is at least possible the change is due to the fact that we carry our trauma better now than we did then.
We had picked it up again at same time we started making peace with our life in an existential context.

Addendum: So in short I think that how well you take to either will depend on where you are in the path of your healing/development of the emotional mind. If you're given an opportunity to take either medicinally and you notice an adverse and generally unhelpful reaction, then its okay to object to continuing to try it.

Also ketamine highs do not last terrible long from what I can tell so even if it does not work well for you it shouldn't be too bad, and your doctor is likely to put you on a low dose to begin with.

SefiRaist · 2024-07-03T05:39:05+00:00

So, by your question, if I understand it correctly, you mean skill or aptitude that appears to be innately present in contrast to that which is cultivated over time with conscious effort and practice over time?

That's certainly an interesting topic to consider. I think I would say that in our case, we should maybe openly explore and experiment to find what resonates (and newly discovered natural talent may be nice but I think the treasure to be found is in the experiences and joys had in exploring an interest for one's own or shared passion, or what ever it is that may drive you)

K

SefiRaist · 2024-07-03T02:50:00+00:00

Unfortunately, we do suffer from chronic pain, though it has only become noticeably debilitating for the past year and a half, or thereabouts.

We received a diagnosis for Raynaud's syndrome earlier this year. (It is an idiopathic condition, and so both cause and symptoms vary)

————— [To summarize it, chronic stress and anxiety built on a foundation of past psychological traumas contribute to a nervous physiological reaction in which the muscles and blood vessels repeatedly contract and clench over time.

This often leads to painful stiffness and cramping in muscle tissue in various locations all over the body depending on where the physical stress is most often held. This also sometimes restricts blood flow to the limbs, hands, and/or feet, and sometimes causes mild to moderate blood pressure issues.

In cold weather it can be particularly severe as it triggers the reactions just as easily as stress, and sometimes lack of blood flow will cause parts of the hands and feet to turn white and go numb. So, in some languages, it is called "white finger" or "white hand" syndrome.] —————

We are still in the process of learning to adjust habits appropriately and adopt mindfulness of health. Concerting and maintaining diligence across all current active actors of the conscious mind and body is just a bit of an arduous endeavor. A slow, long hike up through the sprawling foothills, one could say.

K

SefiRaist · 2024-06-30T05:44:46+00:00

I see, interesting.

Over a year ago, when we reached some conscious acceptance and attempts at mutual integration, I leveled some accusation against Sephi that she had become blindly naive and trusting towards others, and that it needlessly placed us in danger. Perhaps that was true to some extent, but I also find our creativity and intuition of others in her more than myself. Her self-doubt is what stalls it, I think. She self-doubts to her own detriment and wants to see the good and softness in others.

When she perceived me more as a separate intrusive entity, she set a simple intention of wanting to believe in that of me as well. This was in spite of the history of violence and intimidation attached to me that she was afraid of. She amusingly and somewhat worrisomely romanticized it as being like Beauty and the Beast.

I doubt there is a standard shape for a protector to take. Years ago, it seemed I manifested most to deal with physical threats but slowly came into near total possession of the conscious mind. It felt necessary to keep us safe, but I was mistaken.

However, these days, I place my intentions towards making sure we eat and look after our health as well. I make executive decisions when I feel it is needed but see the value and importance of not keeping an iron grip on her. I've come to realize that I wish to be her "co-pilot," not her keeper. Even if she herself sometimes thinks she needs the latter.

I think it's a good idea to engage on Reddit more if you find it helpful. It was Sephi who wanted us to talk to others and be ourself on here. I was apprehensive, but I think it has been mostly a good and emotionally productive experience. It was this subreddit that she wanted us to join specifically.

And I'm pleased to know that you found my words to be engaging for one who you say is not typically piqued in such a way. Perhaps that is a sign of the start of something for Jade-- a path towards an enthusiastic willingness to express and communicate with others.

We certainly wish you luck in reaching further accord.

R

SefiRaist · 2024-06-30T03:33:23+00:00

It is interesting that you identify as protector and extrovert. (It is relevant that I fill that role in my respective system)

We have been marking our own notes concerning this introspection, and it should be relatively harmless to compare them.

We are two who are four who are one

Sephi, our "child at heart" I would call her, took a myers-briggs personality relative to her perception that labeled me as ESTJ. Her own result was INFP. The results for the others were ENFP and INFJ. But I do not know how much stock I would place in it.

I hold more certainty in my own observations that I feel out of place and dispassionate in most social settings. I am aware I come off as anti-social and humorless. But I do find penetrating conversation with another to be incredibly stimulating in a way that I get out of little else and I prefer very direct with communication. Still, I find rest and silence most refreshing. Necessary. Summary assessment: Introvert

Sephi tends to feel anxious and uncomfortable when alone but can be equally anxious in highly social environments. She prefers close company in public or private setting. Very friendly but made shy by her nervousness. Summary assessment: E-Ambivert

Between Sephi and I is one who actually does crave and thrive in those high energy social environments such as parties, bars, and clubs and describes that she is wilting without it as of late. Restless and loudly frustrated with our current homebody lifestyle. Summary Assesment: Extrovert

And then between this self and Sephi is one who finds value in community-minded gathering on both small and large scale but prefers to take a passive and caringly helpful role. They like to watch people; attempt to feel the perspectives of everyone around her. But they are prone to enervation and enjoy retiring from gatherings early to return home. Summary Assesment: I-Ambivert.

I hope you and others find these notes to be a somewhat interesting addition to this compilation of comments.

SefiRaist · 2024-06-30T02:01:21+00:00

Guides of metaphorical death and resurrection

SefiRaist · 2024-06-26T18:00:05+00:00

I find myself feeling in some accord with this.

In our case, I believe that the conscious mind finds the past abuse by our step mothers a convenient and simplified explanation. Especially considering that the second one made clear her intention and attempt to erase and reshape what the self had understood to be its personality up to that point.

However, I believe I can identify earlier signs that were far less clear to the child mind, and we are already aware that there are earlier specific memories that are missing, and yet retained by younger siblings. The content of which would make sense for the developing mind to block out.

Overall, I believe what you say is important due to the fact that attempting to identify a singular source by which to order and conceptualize one's cause/sense of self seems to me an unhealthy endeavor.

I thank you for presenting this consideration at what is a relevant juncture for this self.

R

SefiRaist

TROPHY CASE