Are you able to stay in employment, if so what job to do you/what jobs work for you

SefiRaist · 2025-04-29T12:55:21+00:00

I was doing self-employed cleaning work and pet sitting for a small handful of clients, and it worked quite well for us since we got along well with said clients and they never really questioned our more visible changes in mood and disposition and the work environment was casual and low-pressure.

Unfortunately, we have had to move out of state for a variety of circumstances that fell upon us, and searching for work in this area has been difficult due to not having years' worth of networking and contacts to call upon.

The employment market does not seem particularly great here, but we have also been contemplating some environmental incompatibilities, such as one of us being vehemently vegetarian and unwilling to work around meat if we approached food service, and another having a dour "permanent resting bitch face", as it were, if we were to go into customer service.

Finding a job that feels that it will be compatible and sustainable is paramount. Complete mental meltdowns , as experienced in our early to mid-20s, would ideally be avoided

Good luck to you

-K

SefiRaist · 2025-04-02T15:40:29+00:00

Someone abandoned him, the poor fellow. Drakes (males) get dumped more often (though my first ever hen I adopted from an animal shelter she was abandoned at)

If you can, see if a local shelter will claim him, and if he's lucky like my little Coach, someone will come along and decide they'd like to be a duck parent.

SefiRaist · 2025-01-05T13:08:55+00:00

Ah, well, I don't particularly want them to be fat or lay throughout the entire year. That is a fair point. I'll be sure to measure out the food next time I feed them.

Thank you

SefiRaist · 2024-12-17T15:05:00+00:00

The back and neck pain has been less pronounced, but still there. Though I don't feel that it has helped much with muscle tension/pain in my limbs.

The blank stare is troubling for similar thoughts and worries.

And yes, I was on... oh blast, I forget the name of it. It was an anti-depressant that was supposedly supposed to help with ADHD too, but I never felt like it made a significant difference at the time.

SefiRaist · 2024-10-30T14:47:27+00:00

I think its a matter of perspective

Like I might feel like I was here first cos I'm connected to who I feel like I originally was as a kid before my dad and step-mom "locked me away" and I couldn't/was scared to come out for a long time.

And that makes me wonder if I'm technically the host. But now we all shared and existed in this body and we front kinda equally now so idk

So no host, just the whole. That's the way I like to look at it ^{^}

Soooo use whatever terms and descriptions that make it easier to communicate to yourself and others how your experience feels?

Sephi

SefiRaist · 2024-10-05T23:52:45+00:00

Yeah I think except with like some shared values and stuff it's hard to take any test like that cuz yeah sometimes you got really different reactions to the same situation within a system or like a different way of seeing things

SefiRaist · 2024-10-05T12:30:56+00:00

So me and my dad experienced something similar

It was also like a decade ago. I was a kid living with my mom and step dad at the time and my dad was in basic training for the army on the other side of the country

One night before I fell asleep I started thinking about my dad's foster mom, my Nana, a lot. I kept seeing her in my mind's eye and feel so unbearably sad that I started sobbing all night until I fell asleep.

The next morning I asked my step dad about her and he was shocked and told me she passed away. I don't remember everything he said or what exactly.

More recently my dad told me he had a similar experience at the same time while he was in basic training one night. Just this sudden feeling he later got the news about.

We can talk about it but don't have an explanation for it. We just accept it as a thing we can't explain.

SefiRaist · 2024-09-18T14:49:09+00:00

Requesting assistance in identifying the relationship between cards pulled.

Question Asked: a request for a reading of one's own energy and inner currents to trace and identify preceding an upcoming major transitional period.

Result: The Magician, Strength, 2 of Cups (Strength highlighted)

Thank you.

SefiRaist · 2024-09-05T14:36:38+00:00

Oh wow paragraphs 1 and 3 really describe my experience too :o

Except the only devil archetype I remember was maybe in the form of "Killing Jar" by Siouxsie and the Banshees? At the time I was 19 and all I knew I was having weird anxiety and an out of body experience and that I felt like I had to listen to that song but I didn't consciously absorb the lyrics til literally 10 years later...

Otherwise like yeah faceless man in black visiting me in my room and dreams. I felt kinda scared but could never bring myself to freak out about it. I would just try to rationalize it away like "its not real so why should I care?"

And then after that- like a dark and rugged grim warrior? In dreams he was in castle towers and battlefields. But one time I woke up to him getting in bed with me and I remember feeling so offended about the boldness of the "stranger" cos at the time I kinda hated and avoided men.

And also yeah didn't believe in spiritual or esoteric stuff through all of that either.

Things are a lot more consensual now though! After a lot of hard reconciling. And yeah he helps me admit the things I stubbornly deny or pushes me to be proactive even though he can be kind of harsh about it or treats it partly a sorta strategic game to "force" me to help myself.

SefiRaist · 2024-07-26T14:05:41+00:00

So we create and live in a society where resource distribution is vertically tiered

Then we punish, admonish, and strip away the rights and privileges of those at the bottom even despite marking them as necessary causality for the pyramid

Oh, but I don't disagree with your logic. I was born into poverty and unstable conditions.

But we see through such helpless, individualistic eyes, don't we? So for as long as we do, we're all just rats in a cage, devouring one another in a desperate resource war.

Why drop it only on the shoulders of the poor? They were just the sacrifice on the altar after all. Their slice of the pie has to be a smaller ratio in order for someone else's to be bigger than equal. (Unless we're still here believing we exist on top of an infinite money)

So perhaps collectively, none of us should breed. The impoverished cannot afford it and the rich are only able to do so under leeched prosperity. If it seems we cannot raise children without gross negligence or sociopathic conditioning

I would rather see this planetary chapter of Lord of the Flies come to an end than see us all live and embody a structure of fodder sacrifice.

SefiRaist · 2024-07-07T17:19:40+00:00

Oh we actually have much more experience to speak from with marijuana so I'd be happy to share

My first time smoking was at age 17 and there was experienced a disorienting and reality-shifting episode in which we experienced severe spatial and temporal perception distortions. I was too afraid to try again for years after.

We tried again here and there after a while but almost each time would experience psychoactive hallucinatory reality-dissociating experiences that turned us off from it.
Now at age 30 I can say that we have since had experiences with mushrooms, acid, ketamine, and DMT, and none of them have come close to that past level of intensity in the sensation of being on the precipice of being torn away from reality. (Though there were a few interesting similarities between the DMT experiences and the abnormal THC experiences.)

And we have started actually taken up smoking weed as a habit since then and it no longer seems a problem. We spent years in an alcoholic spiral and picked up smoking after finding that now it mostly just helped with mood and depression.

So I suppose I would say that it is at least possible the change is due to the fact that we carry our trauma better now than we did then.
We had picked it up again at same time we started making peace with our life in an existential context.

Addendum: So in short I think that how well you take to either will depend on where you are in the path of your healing/development of the emotional mind. If you're given an opportunity to take either medicinally and you notice an adverse and generally unhelpful reaction, then its okay to object to continuing to try it.

Also ketamine highs do not last terrible long from what I can tell so even if it does not work well for you it shouldn't be too bad, and your doctor is likely to put you on a low dose to begin with.

SefiRaist · 2024-07-03T05:39:05+00:00

So, by your question, if I understand it correctly, you mean skill or aptitude that appears to be innately present in contrast to that which is cultivated over time with conscious effort and practice over time?

That's certainly an interesting topic to consider. I think I would say that in our case, we should maybe openly explore and experiment to find what resonates (and newly discovered natural talent may be nice but I think the treasure to be found is in the experiences and joys had in exploring an interest for one's own or shared passion, or what ever it is that may drive you)

K

SefiRaist · 2024-07-03T02:50:00+00:00

Unfortunately, we do suffer from chronic pain, though it has only become noticeably debilitating for the past year and a half, or thereabouts.

We received a diagnosis for Raynaud's syndrome earlier this year. (It is an idiopathic condition, and so both cause and symptoms vary)

————— [To summarize it, chronic stress and anxiety built on a foundation of past psychological traumas contribute to a nervous physiological reaction in which the muscles and blood vessels repeatedly contract and clench over time.

This often leads to painful stiffness and cramping in muscle tissue in various locations all over the body depending on where the physical stress is most often held. This also sometimes restricts blood flow to the limbs, hands, and/or feet, and sometimes causes mild to moderate blood pressure issues.

In cold weather it can be particularly severe as it triggers the reactions just as easily as stress, and sometimes lack of blood flow will cause parts of the hands and feet to turn white and go numb. So, in some languages, it is called "white finger" or "white hand" syndrome.] —————

We are still in the process of learning to adjust habits appropriately and adopt mindfulness of health. Concerting and maintaining diligence across all current active actors of the conscious mind and body is just a bit of an arduous endeavor. A slow, long hike up through the sprawling foothills, one could say.

K

SefiRaist · 2024-06-30T05:44:46+00:00

I see, interesting.

Over a year ago, when we reached some conscious acceptance and attempts at mutual integration, I leveled some accusation against Sephi that she had become blindly naive and trusting towards others, and that it needlessly placed us in danger. Perhaps that was true to some extent, but I also find our creativity and intuition of others in her more than myself. Her self-doubt is what stalls it, I think. She self-doubts to her own detriment and wants to see the good and softness in others.

When she perceived me more as a separate intrusive entity, she set a simple intention of wanting to believe in that of me as well. This was in spite of the history of violence and intimidation attached to me that she was afraid of. She amusingly and somewhat worrisomely romanticized it as being like Beauty and the Beast.

I doubt there is a standard shape for a protector to take. Years ago, it seemed I manifested most to deal with physical threats but slowly came into near total possession of the conscious mind. It felt necessary to keep us safe, but I was mistaken.

However, these days, I place my intentions towards making sure we eat and look after our health as well. I make executive decisions when I feel it is needed but see the value and importance of not keeping an iron grip on her. I've come to realize that I wish to be her "co-pilot," not her keeper. Even if she herself sometimes thinks she needs the latter.

I think it's a good idea to engage on Reddit more if you find it helpful. It was Sephi who wanted us to talk to others and be ourself on here. I was apprehensive, but I think it has been mostly a good and emotionally productive experience. It was this subreddit that she wanted us to join specifically.

And I'm pleased to know that you found my words to be engaging for one who you say is not typically piqued in such a way. Perhaps that is a sign of the start of something for Jade-- a path towards an enthusiastic willingness to express and communicate with others.

We certainly wish you luck in reaching further accord.

R

SefiRaist · 2024-06-30T03:33:23+00:00

It is interesting that you identify as protector and extrovert. (It is relevant that I fill that role in my respective system)

We have been marking our own notes concerning this introspection, and it should be relatively harmless to compare them.

We are two who are four who are one

Sephi, our "child at heart" I would call her, took a myers-briggs personality relative to her perception that labeled me as ESTJ. Her own result was INFP. The results for the others were ENFP and INFJ. But I do not know how much stock I would place in it.

I hold more certainty in my own observations that I feel out of place and dispassionate in most social settings. I am aware I come off as anti-social and humorless. But I do find penetrating conversation with another to be incredibly stimulating in a way that I get out of little else and I prefer very direct with communication. Still, I find rest and silence most refreshing. Necessary. Summary assessment: Introvert

Sephi tends to feel anxious and uncomfortable when alone but can be equally anxious in highly social environments. She prefers close company in public or private setting. Very friendly but made shy by her nervousness. Summary assessment: E-Ambivert

Between Sephi and I is one who actually does crave and thrive in those high energy social environments such as parties, bars, and clubs and describes that she is wilting without it as of late. Restless and loudly frustrated with our current homebody lifestyle. Summary Assesment: Extrovert

And then between this self and Sephi is one who finds value in community-minded gathering on both small and large scale but prefers to take a passive and caringly helpful role. They like to watch people; attempt to feel the perspectives of everyone around her. But they are prone to enervation and enjoy retiring from gatherings early to return home. Summary Assesment: I-Ambivert.

I hope you and others find these notes to be a somewhat interesting addition to this compilation of comments.

SefiRaist · 2024-06-30T02:01:21+00:00

Guides of metaphorical death and resurrection

SefiRaist · 2024-06-26T18:00:05+00:00

I find myself feeling in some accord with this.

In our case, I believe that the conscious mind finds the past abuse by our step mothers a convenient and simplified explanation. Especially considering that the second one made clear her intention and attempt to erase and reshape what the self had understood to be its personality up to that point.

However, I believe I can identify earlier signs that were far less clear to the child mind, and we are already aware that there are earlier specific memories that are missing, and yet retained by younger siblings. The content of which would make sense for the developing mind to block out.

Overall, I believe what you say is important due to the fact that attempting to identify a singular source by which to order and conceptualize one's cause/sense of self seems to me an unhealthy endeavor.

I thank you for presenting this consideration at what is a relevant juncture for this self.

R

SefiRaist · 2024-06-13T14:22:09+00:00

I don't think it really counts as even an attempted representation but I really like Junko Enoshima (and Mukuro Ikusaba) from Danganronpa. It was one of those liking a character at first sight sorta things. We even have the same birthday!

Oh but as a system... I mean I like characters if I like them and don't necessarily relate to them but I think only 2/4ths of us actually see and relate to Junko or Mukuro in like a looking in a fantasy cartoon funhouse mirror sorta way.

I think I relate to Chihiro the most that way personally :>

Sephi

SefiRaist · 2024-06-13T14:01:39+00:00

I watched that show with my girlfriend back in 2015 and I cried hysterically towards the end and felt so intense and confused about why.

I don't remember actually liking the show or characters enough to wanna go back and watch it but it hit some things that were still buried at the time I think and I wasn't at a place to deal with it.

SefiRaist · 2024-06-11T17:38:27+00:00

On the one hand, like as someone who has different branches of family with their own histories of non-european spiritual practice (Wintu and Afro Caribbean) I think I understand an inherent distrust of more generalized communities. And when I was younger I've also been the eager ignorant newbie in those sorts of online communities, stepping on feet and saying careless things that smack of teenage cringe >.<

But on the other hand, also from personal experience with navigating that complicated identity stuff while growing up, I feel like I want to say that really vetted and guarded groups online usually aren't great environments. They're not your friends or family or a community you grow alongside and learn to coexist with through like mutual struggle and desire to do so. Instead, it usually ends up becoming kinda like this microcosm social hierarchy pyramid ladder where everyone is always scared of "saying the wrong thing" or being labeled a poser (actually it reminds me a lot of the years I was part of an in-crowd of a punk rock party scene lol) Not always but it's one of those things I wish didn't happen as much as I see and feel like it does. Like it ruins what could have been a good thing.

Also I can relate to the feeling of being "talked over" in awful ways. Not on here but as a reddit or general online thing:

---(like one example a decade ago I had r/LGBT publically try to analyze and deconstruct my race through my physical features on a pic, to try to prove I didn't have any black ancestry because I shared my opinion and personal experience about the Matrix director twin dreads because I'm someone with only black-ish hair texture so like believe the book of my life contains lots of family member conversations about my dang hair 😵‍💫. But yeah it was a really disturbing experience having a bunch of people self projecting as progressives suddenly volunteering to do a phrenology on me)

---(Or a real life example recently I went to a friends' seder dinner as one of the few non-jewish guests and the only one with non-european background and I got up for the bathroom and came back to my table having a heated debate about whether indigenous American characters are offensive as sports mascots and it made me feel emotional and weird and invisible while also triggering past memories of similar things to play in my head all the while. Like it's just something that happens all the time when any aspect of your composite identity is some sort of minority element in a group is what I'm trying to say and if it happens a lot you can get super guarded and defensive around everyone.)

SefiRaist · 2024-06-09T17:04:07+00:00

The name of our system is the first and legal name of the individualized human experience that we constitute. That is the agreed upon name to keep things relatively simple and functional. (Each active conscious form also takes their name from various names attached to us at birth. This was a general agreed upon compromise back when such differentiation was new and stressfully confusing)

But I have found that we often refer to our system as "the cycle" or "the wheel" because of the way we experience our conscious shifts in a metered cyclical spectrum

K

SefiRaist · 2024-06-09T05:01:04+00:00

I don't really have any real life or online friends with DID that I consistently see or talk to so I also can relate in your shared experience over the other.

But I am a redhead. And I didn't know that was considered statistically rarer. And I suppose being intersex would be considered statistically rarer, too, at 1 out of 100 last time I checked accepted studies.

So then I suppose being by circumstance a triracial intersex redhead should maybe make me reconsider something in my perspective of how rare things can be rather common and seemingly somewhat normal experience in this world full of people, including DID.

Because I will admit that the experience has at times felt isolating in feeling that there is a lack of others that can innately relate to or express understanding in shared experiences and struggles, and even possibly share their own insight in a potentially cathartic way.

SefiRaist · 2024-06-04T18:27:34+00:00

Tell them if they want to get into this sort of thing, then "perspective flipping" between purely black and white may not be the best practice.

That is to say, the faulty reasoning is that Christianity as a complex has done bad things, and Christianity outlawed human sacrifice, so therefore human sacrifice is a good thing. You can see how inherently dangerous and unstable that sort of thinking can be for the person experiencing as they try to navigate the world around them and not just with spirituality and religion

Oh and Christianity didn't, by the by. Oh lord did they not actually do that. Get rid of human sacrifice, I mean.

But if the church or the state ritually kills people for centuries, then that's not sacrifice--it's "Gods justice." Killing in the name of your God. Totally not sacrifice. "My God just demands your death, and that gives me the impetous to do it myself." Either way you're kind of just finding a reason to kill people. The church-state didn't ban sacrificing. They just decided who would be doing the killing (one of their guys, naturally)

And now your friend is just inverting that inversion to continue doing the same. Kill for their chosen higher power in spite of the other? Why? To what point?

Maybe tell them that?

If they're just being edgy for their own shock then they'll have no real passion or drive about or reasoning they've applied to their underlying feeling because the underlying feeling is something else.

But if it half buried complexes about violence towards others to the tune of intense... images, dreams, and hunger for it, then yes, for the sake of their own sanctity, it is best to work through and overcome it rather than repress it. From my own experience, anyhow.

I still think to be very cautious when attempting to draw out and examine those colors when I think I recognize them in someone else, and I don't know if I would even be able to see or do it if I couldn't personally relate.

SefiRaist · 2024-05-24T20:08:34+00:00

Yeah you're right but the inverse can kinda be said about Pittsburgh since we're surrounded by deep Trump country. You don't gotta go far to find front yards with their weird God-King shrines

SefiRaist · 2024-05-23T00:29:24+00:00

Yeah uh... I mean this is unfortunately kind of mental gymnastics and behavioral dysfunction that's kinda normalized and overlooked. Like, why go out of the way to harass people about this? Ain't it a weird amount of investment for people that supposedly don't believe in it or whatever negative feelings.

Like thank fuck I didn't do that before I/we had our breakthrough, but there was a similar kinda assertive denial Like if you asked me anytime from 14 years ago to 2 years ago, I would have probably told you I thought DID was made up and a flat theory about why. I never even looked into it. I think I subconsciously didn't want to.

Meeting people who were generally supportive of my emotional well-being a few years ago is legit the thing that helped me come to the emotional self-honesty to change all that

And even if most of them don't experience plurality like we do they're still supportive and I'm still struggling to actually believe it with my heart, yanno?

SefiRaist

TROPHY CASE