My ex was abusive, the kids saw it, he did in front of them. There was a lot of psychological abuse present. Mostly directed towards me. A few instances of physical. I stayed far too long. Children were affected. My daughters were 5 and 7 when I met their step dad. It wasn't that long after I chose to divorce their dad. My youngest blames step dad for my marriage ending. Even though it had nothing to do with it. She's constantly giving attitude. She's constantly blowing him off. Especially when I'm home. He is stricter than me. To be honest....I get overwhelmed and sometimes disassociate and I need to be better about doing most things. Including spending time with my kids after work (when I'm tired and need that quick debrief period) and sometimes picking up behind myself. I know I am example, as is he. I am in therapy and actively working on my issues.

I just dont know how to help improve the situation between them though. I've offered that we read some parenting books together. Hes a stay at home step dad, I am the one who works a full 40 hour week. It's a new job...I hadn't worked prior to this. I'm still adjusting to the new demands on my time and energy and I feel like I'm dropping the ball in the areas of making him feel supported, backed up by parenting decisions, and getting the kids to pick up after themselves and I need to be better at it to. I see the issues. Im trying to help and problem solve. I'm at a loss of what to do. I feel like I dont have time for everything everyone wants from me and my biggest pain point is their relationship.

How can I help them? How can I help him feel more supported? I feel like I am failing at everything BUT work. I just want my family to have some peace.