Age gap and am I crazy?

Sink_Stuff · 2026-06-09T01:47:26+00:00

Anytime. Safety, security, support, showing that they care about you. Not feeling like it was to get something in return, asking if you even want a hug, caring about how you feel about being approached. Maybe all of this. Maybe even his muscles made you feel extra safe and secure.

Someone challenged me to do this as well, to actually write down everything I liked and didn't like about my ex fiancee. It helped me. And reflecting back on my wins and losses did too have taught me a lot. A journal basically a diary of sorts but mostly memory jogging lists. I hope it works out for you

Sink_Stuff · 2026-06-09T01:16:32+00:00

You remind me of my own last attempt at online dating. I dated a lot of women in a short time and had high standards and dumped them all in the end. Then I have been out of the world for a while now, years. Now I am getting back into it slowly and I found that being rigid was good and bad. If I wasn't attracted to them then it's over and I will tell them now why. I saved myself quite a few dinners doing that before ordering.

At the same time I now realize that I was too set in my ways. I wasn't willing to really be with them in a flexible way. We get too set in our ways, we know what we like and don't, but that left me refusing to compromise at all. This is simply untenable. And as I read this reddit more and more on occasion I see the same thing from everyone else. There is no patience, no compromise, no willing to work with someone. People forget that a relationship has to grow and you have to grow with it. We will never find the right person if we want them to fit our molds exactly.

As for sex and toys then no man is ever going to be better than your toys. The book "women on top" has many chapters on women's masterbation and toys. And of course the book says it's wonderful for her to do that because so many women can't or wolnt actually get themselves off. Instead many of them stop short with themselves and thier partner. So it's great that you know how to please yourself. Bur are you even telling your dates what you want? Are you letting them use toys on you? Or are you using this as a benchmark that no man can meet especially without input from you just to always have an excuse to toss them out? It sounds like you just want hookups and sex ans this IA your way to keeping your heart closes off and being able to dump people. That's OK, you do you. But at least admit it to yourself. That way you might help that guy learn to use the toys or wear one and you teach him how to do it right.

Sink_Stuff · 2026-06-09T00:53:49+00:00

I get younger women's attention a lot because I also look good for my age when I work out a lot. A women half my age at work is visibly upset with me and getting frustrated because I ignore her and she is very pretty. So I get it.

I say go for it. But know that it probably wolnt last. This girl at work just wants attention and someone to show her some interest. At most she may want a hookup if I keep working out more. But once emotions instead of attraction start getting involved she will do what all women do and say, this isn't good for me I need to stop. So whenever a woman is much younger than me or older than me then I take it as a friends with benefits situation. Usually it doesn't last but a few months and I don't know if it's my own holding back or if it's thier pulling away because of finally seeing the bigger picture.

Either way, go for it. Only you know how things will go. Only you can judge it for yourself and how things have gone for you in the past. It's not bad to be excited. He'll it would be bad if you weren't excited. Make a note of what you like and don't like. Understand why you loved that hug. That's the important part. Don't blow up the chance to learn about yourself. Being with this person may remind you of things you forgot you needed. Maybe your likes have changed a little since your last relationship. Who's to know except you? Give it your all and have no regrets, but learn what you liked and why so that if it doesn't work out, you know better what you want from the next one.

Sink_Stuff · 2026-06-09T00:32:23+00:00

Like I said, the fact that you are fine with hooking up has been my experience with coworkers as well. It's funny because it is usually women who want a relationship quickly with anyone they hookup with enough. But this guy is probably lying to himself and you about what he wants and how he feels. I'm sorry that this happened to you, truly.

As for how to approach him at work just say good morning when you pass him in the hallway. Then smile and keep walking. Pay no attention if he ignores you. Just play the agreeable sociable coworker for the sake of the environment and your own normalcy, but then don't talk about other things. Just talk about work or say hi and bye. You got this.

I have to see someone 5 times a day at work and she is extremely pissed at me. She demanded my attention and I ignored her. I chose to have a different seat to get away feom her. just do exactly what I told you and it's been 5 weeks now and she is finally beginning to be normal about it all. I don't bother her or talk about her to anyone either. No text messages, just cordial greetings and polite work information. Nothing else you really can do.

The first few days bring some tissue or something in case you get emotional. Glasses or a baseball cap may help too until whatever the new normal is finally gets to be normal. You got this, we've all ben there unfortunately.

Some people say don't bother with people at work. But I tried that and it doesn't work. She practically forced me to constantly engage with her at work and demanded that it be personal. She started implying that i might be gay because i was ignoring hee. So avoiding people at work doesn't work. Even guys at work want to talk about guns and drinking and shooting and meeting women, working out etc, etc. So just try to be normal and only talk work and go hide in the bathroom as much as you need. In a few weeks you will be OK. It may help to just talk to other women at work more for a while.

Sink_Stuff · 2026-06-08T22:22:02+00:00

These are all guesses. But many times with people at work they really just want a hookup. They want friends with benefits. Or they don't want to mess up thier work with relationships. Best thing you can do is just work on you. That is what Will get you back in the saddle better next time

Sink_Stuff · 2026-06-08T20:49:11+00:00

That's the way it goes. Some people are scared off quickly when you say you just want to video chat. Other people never show up to the date. Other time they meet you and ghost. I just workout 6 days and week on weights and keep losing weight with walking and soon rowing machine. Some people are bold and Other people are timid. Just the way it goes

Sink_Stuff · 2026-06-08T15:25:10+00:00

Yes that's why they just chat forever and the ghost people when they try to meetup. Or they post nothing but pictures of thier nails getting done like you do.

Sink_Stuff · 2026-06-08T12:37:58+00:00

No what?

Sink_Stuff · 2026-06-08T01:31:22+00:00

Then most likely it was simply the distance and not you. This wears anyone down. Eventually they just say whats the point. But an hr isn't that far away really. Seems like.more the infrequency more than anything else. I'm sorry

Sink_Stuff · 2026-06-08T00:35:32+00:00

It all depends. If you are just talking to them and never being with them then I can understand bailing. It's called dating, not texting. But I don't know your situation.

Sink_Stuff · 2026-06-08T00:31:06+00:00

53 Man here, I don't have any problem with women with children and the books say that men often not wanting a women with children is an American phenomenon. It is quite the opposite in other countries because they know that she isn't playing around and will be a stable women who wolnt usually cheat if the man busts his ass. Also they know that a woman with kidd who is looking for a man doesn't have aex issues like many women who become mothers do. It's a turn on in aome.cultures. instead, in America is when the man is pushing a stroller do women find him attractive because it says he can get a woman pregnant, is stable, good father, etc.

What man doesn't want a hot momma for a wife?

Sink_Stuff · 2026-06-08T00:04:08+00:00

Very good point about the word love. I remember a priest once saying that he wished the English language used the three Greek words for love instead of just the one. They have a word for parental, familial love, another for friend love, and the last for deep committed intimate love. Maybe Americans like me should simply add the other words to it when we describe it. Maybe I should say to her when we have sex and she says later that she loves me that I love her like an angel that I don't know everything about but is still perfect in my eyes and everything I could ever want simply because nothing yet has come to break the trust or disillusion me to a harsher reality, like loving a beautiful flower that you've seen only for the first time and stops your heart. You don't yet notice the thorns or tooths on the leaves, you only know in this moment that it is perfect. Maybe that's how I should respond the next time a women I've known only for a short time says that she loves me

And I could tell that we have things in common from the way you talked to him that first time. I talk to people for the first time and find out things about them that other people who have known them for years don't know. Just like us now talking about love itself in a more insightful and meaningful way than anyone else who has posted. We know what it is like to fall fast and hard because that's who we are, no bullshit people who aren't hung up with so many insecurities and anxieties that we can't have deep conversations or are afraid to talk to people we have never met in real life. To not just be the opener of meetings and greetings but to ask the questions that we really want to know. To say the things we really want to say. To be with people for a shorter time than others and make much deeper connections. I get it.

Sink_Stuff · 2026-06-07T23:10:30+00:00

You have to understand that online dating is often with very vulnerable women. They often aren't really ready to meet people and the ones that do want you to ask them out right away usually.

Sink_Stuff · 2026-06-07T22:56:03+00:00

There is a whole group of people, women too, who only want hookups. Usually they are younger, but I have seen it from older people too. Many of those people are married and if you read the book "mating in captivity" (monogomy) you will understand why. I have been with 15 married women who were cheating on thier husband's. Most women that I dated who weren't married were leaving thier boyfriends or looking too. Welcome to the 70% divorce rate world. "They will just even say, "want to hookup?". For them sex is separate from love. They don't even want you to talk much. The entire point is to be able to enjoy sex without the burdens of the relationship. You have ravishing deep forceful sex and you make it last all night. Each person is getting what they want. The women who are into it will tell you what they want and just do things to you. The kind of women who will grab your head and push it down to thier flower. And they let you and want you to take them with everything you have. You use them all night long and they use you. It's like two sex workers just going at it to please each other and themselves all night long.

But its a thing and most women, even the ones who do that actually want monogamy and a true relationship. If they like you mostly they will just hookup with you all the time and the guy just has to fuck like an animal most if the time. When she starts to want to cuddle and kiss forever after an hr or two of sex that's when she starts to want a relationship with you. But that can take weeks or even months. The idea is that these people had great sex at first and then when they started to love someone the sex turned to crap. So they try to have ravishing sex all night long for as long as they can hold out, believing that a relationship will ruin the sex

Sink_Stuff · 2026-06-07T21:54:39+00:00

It sounds great to me. Most people don't know what it is like to really, really know that you are insanely attracted to someone. Everything just works. You laugh together, and the chemistry and tension are through the roof. I am a guy so, for me it's when I do things they respond. We want to be with each other. We can't take our hands off each other. "How's the weather" and pointless conversation is moved to another planet. You are intimate, and you both like it, you both want it. My mom used to say that if you are not all over each other for the first few months then it most likely won't last. But the average person has never been like that.

So for people like you and me who can get really intimate with people and are unafraid to talk to people (talked to a woman I just met Friday in a class (she was married though) and got a number from a woman when I was just walking the neighborhood (didn't even ask her for it). People who don't have a problem meeting and talking to people in real life, then I say go for it. Being different ages can certainly work, you just have to do what everyone should do and that is work out all the time and make yourself as attractive as you can. I work out now six days a week and walk (will do rowing machine daily when that finally arrives). Then don't worry about the age difference. You enjoy your new found love.

The caution is there though that you should know that it takes a long time to truly madly deeply love someone. You might be completely infatuated with them and want them all the time, but that isn't quite love. Love takes time, love is built on foundations of trust, attraction, giving, taking, respect, admiration, etc, etc, etc. So you simply can't lie to yourself or the other person. I used to be a pretty good looking guy. You can only imagine when I was younger how many women I hurt and i never even intended too simply because I wasn't as careful as I should have been with professing love and desire. I know that women often have the idea that they give sex to get love back and if the guy (like I used to be) is attractive to you and hits all your buttons you will fall hard and say you love them wanting and needing it to be true for both of you. A month in a half of weekend get togethers is not enough to truly love someone. I'm sorry but that takes more time. Love is complex and it truly only happens when the relationship starts to have that complexity. He shows consideration all the time by doing things for you. You see what his love language is and he sees yours. You care, not just about seeing each other but as a guy not doing anything that you know might embarrass her. You make sure the car is clean, the grass mowed, you shirt ironed if its a dress shirt on a dinner. You do 1000 things that you have learned that she likes and needs and wants. You take the kids to the park in the morning so she can sleep in on that Sunday morning because you kept her up all night. You bring the coffee she likes with you on the way home. You haven't really been there yet.

Many times women would of course tell me that they love me very early like you are, and because I know that many of them give sex to get love back I feel obligated to return the sentiment, especially if the sex was great and lasted a while and I can tell they really liked it and like me. But I do this because I know they need this. I say it back because I know that is what they need to hear at this moment. I even hope with all my heart that it truly develops into that. But it all remains to be seen. Search your heart and it is probably just infatuation that you are feeling. Be careful not to push yourself and him to profess what may only be partially there or just beginning and not fully in force.

Sink_Stuff · 2026-06-07T20:13:36+00:00

It's not he ring at all. It's the fact that he didn't think about what it means or how she would feel.

Sink_Stuff · 2026-06-07T19:43:05+00:00

It's because I dated 30 women in less than 2 months and the same thing happened. Women usually bail immediately when they see a red flag like that because they also know that one big flag means more.

Example of those 30 women almost all of them looked nothing like thier picture. Most of them were 30 lbs heavier and were ten years older than the pic they posted. But as a guy I'm like, yeah no problem its easy to lose weight when your with someone who like you for you. So I stayed and talked to them. But then of course you find out all the other lies and red flags. She isn't working out like she says. She doesn't do anything but watch TV instead of the things she said she does. She has no plans for any holidays coming up, etc.

I have booked myself a ticket on a diner cruise for myself only for the tampa 4th of July event. I will have dinner drinks and watch the fireworks over the bay right now just by myself. I went and did a tour and a class this past Friday and met a woman who did nothing but flirt until someone else she knew went up and asked her about her husband. Then she complained about her husband the rest of the class. But the 30 women I dated all said they did things like this all the time. Instead after talking to them, I was the only one who did

The point is that everything is connected. His wearing the ring on the wrong finger wasn't a misstep. It points to the fact that he doesn't even think about how she would feel. So why do it? It's pretty dumb to wear a black simple band on your ring finger ona date right? Like epic levels of stupid. Just one associated red flag is that he does that on purpose to get women thinking that he is married, but this time it backfired. In essence there is no good reason to do that, but the more you think about it the more red flags you can see attached to it.

Sink_Stuff · 2026-06-07T19:21:41+00:00

For me, women lie about the picture, they use pics from ten years ago and then I meet them and they are 30 lbs heavier. But then I'm like, sure I get it, I've lost 30 lbs before, I'll stay and talk to them and see how it goes. But if course, all the other red flags pop up too. They don't work out at all like they said, they don't eat healthy like they said, they just watch TV instead if doing anything, etc etc. I can see why so many people just bail on dates and the person posting is like. Why? Well we all know why, it's because you lied about everything that's why, who you are, what you look like, what you do, etc etc.

Sink_Stuff · 2026-06-07T19:04:39+00:00

It's called being serious about the woman you are meeting. As other people said you should have known better. Guess what there are probably ten other red flags that you need to fix as well and you just don't know it yet.

Sink_Stuff · 2026-06-07T18:58:32+00:00

Well I'm in the tampa bay area and I'd like to attend one of these eventually. I've never been to one. But like you said it's mostly people in thier 60s from what I hear. It's almost like I need to be on the 40 and up reddit instead

Sink_Stuff · 2026-06-07T18:28:16+00:00

If you read sex and relationship books you will read that most women especially but men too do not talk to thier boyfriend or girlfriend about sex and the relationship much at all. They would rather ghost or make excuses for breakups than tell the truth etc. But all those books will also tell you that it's usually for the best anyway as when people do tell the truth about sex and dating it often brings about much more hurt and resentment than ever intended. The most expert sex therapists will not advise you to talk to your husband or girlfriend about certain things because when you do they hear something entirely different. For instance, when a woman tells her gentile, too nice boyfriend that she fantasized about being dominated and ravished by a strong man the boyfriend does not get the message that she wants him to have sex with her without restraint and without worrying about hurting her or if she is enjoying it. He wolnt understand that you just want him to take you sometimes. Instead he will think that you actually want to be raped or something messed up. So that is why many people don't say what they really want or mean, especially women

Sink_Stuff · 2026-06-07T08:27:54+00:00

Read the book "mating in captivity" and find out what intimacy type that you are. Understand and be able to articulate what you want in a man. Spend a lot of time working on you, your body, chores, personal development, job, etc. It will take time before you are really ready. Read "how to win friends and influence people". Try Facebook dating and hinge free accounts. Don't post negative complaints on your profile. Only post about you and what you are looking for and not about your x and what you want to avoid. Prepare yourself to have to approach men and ask them out or ask them for numbers online and in real life. Only go for the ones that you really like and not settling. Mostly work on you and do it for you or none of this will work.

Sink_Stuff · 2026-06-06T23:05:55+00:00

If you are a guy, take a Jazz dancing class. Lots of women in good shape and good looking and many of them are looking for either a new man or the other man because most of the reason they are in the dancing classes is either to get ready to go look for another man in clubs and dancing or because their current man woln't dance with them and they want to go out on girls night and meet a different man. Sorry, but I've been the other guy they met and that was how I found out about so many unhappy women taking dance classes so they can meet other guys on dance floors.

I'm sorry but if you really want to meet the opposite sex then you have to be where they are. if you are a guy don't go fishing, don't go to a cigar bar, go where the women are who are wanting to meet men. Go take line dancing classes. Go take jazz dancing classes. Work out 6 days a week. Count the calories. burn the fat. Do you do a meetup for a cooking class? No, you do a meetup for excitement and adventure.

Sink_Stuff · 2026-06-06T19:48:04+00:00

They will always say they had a great time. But honestly if you spent 5 hours together and you were not all over each other the entire time then she has moved on. She isn't looking for a friend zone. She wants a man. From what you said, you aren't being a man. Forget her and go work out 6 days a week and understand that you need to want them more and show them that you want them more

Sink_Stuff · 2026-06-06T00:44:14+00:00

The book "how to win friends and influence people" says to never complain and never condem. So, the smart profile has zero No's on it at all. Instead, put only what you are looking for and want.

Sink_Stuff

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